Turn My Head
by MuffinOnYourFace
Summary: This is an AU MerDer story. Meredith just moved to Seattle from Boston. It's the beginning of the summer. She has no friends and nothing to do. Derek is the first person she meets. Will they simply become friends or something more?
1. Love at First Sight?

Meredith threw a rock into the creek and watched as the ripples spread before being swept away in the current. She hated her mother. That was the conclusion she had come to after two hours of brooding on the cold, slightly damp rocks lining the creek bed. And it was a reasonable conclusion, all things considered.

First, her mother had dragged her across the country, away from her friends , away from her home and now she was forcing Meredith to go to some lame-ass summer camp when all she really wanted do was lie on her bed all day happily ensconced in her headphones. "It's good for you," her mother had said. "You'll meet people. Make new friends." Meredith had a sinking suspicion that this forced maternal concern for her daughter's social life was not the real reason why she was sending Meredith away for the summer. The real reason was what lured the incomparable Ellis Grey out here in the first place, with her reluctant daughter in tow: chief of surgery.

Her mother lived and breathed surgery and the holy grail of surgery was being named Chief of Surgery. And the bigger the hospital, the better. Meredith was guessing that was why her mother had gotten them on a plane headed for Seattle mere hours after she had finished her junior year at her school in Boston. Apparently Seattle Grace, being the major metropolitan hospital that it was, qualified as a suitable place for Ellis Grey to rule.

Meredith sighed and picked up yet another rock, tossing it into the creek. As the ripples began to spread, she leaned back on her hands and tilted her head towards the sky. She had to give her mother credit for at least picking a nice place to live. Though Meredith tended to be a city oriented kind of girl, she had to admit that the townhouse her mother had bought, situated on about an acre of land was beautiful. The land was bordered in the front by a quiet street, on either side by a line of trees and in the back by the creek Meredith was currently sitting at. The creek wasn't in plain sight, so Meredith hadn't realized it was there at first. But after exploring the acre pretty thoroughly (which hadn't taken very long), Meredith had wandered down a path leading into a cluster of trees at the edge of the property. The path had ended and she had found herself standing where she was now sitting.

It was peaceful and Meredith had come to appreciate it. She had taken to escaping to its shores whenever the cold, judgmental presence that was her mother became too much to bear. Which was exactly what she had been doing when she came to the conclusion that she hated her mother. But now it was getting dark, which meant that her mother was probably headed off to the hospital, which, in turn, meant that it was safe to go inside. She was just picking up one last rock to throw into the creek for good measure when she was overcome with the feeling that she was being watched. She looked to her right and noticed that there was, in fact, someone watching her, quite intently actually.

She was startled. She stood up, still holding her rock. Her observer was a boy, or a young man, Meredith had always been confused where that cutoff was. He looked to be her age, though. She didn't move and neither did he. She wondered if he was a rapist or a serial killer or something equally horrible. She considered throwing the rock at him, but decided against it. "Hi," the alleged rapist said. Did rapists greet their victims so politely?

Meredith managed to choke up her voice. "Hi."

"You can put that down you know," he said.

Meredith glanced down at her hand still clenched around the rock. She looked back at the boy or young man or whatever he was. She looked him up and down. He really didn't look like a rapist or a murderer. "Are you going to attack me?" she asked.

He treated this totally outrageous question as if it were quite rational. "No, I won't."

Meredith dropped the rock, hearing the dull clink as it hit the other rocks at her feet. "Good."

He didn't say anything more and so they simply stood there, staring at each other in silence. He was handsome, Meredith decided as she studied his face in the dusky light. Curly brown hair, blue eyes, lean figure, relaxed posture. Yup, he was definitely good looking, but for some reason, Meredith didn't care. Usually, she would've immediately started flirting. Usually, she would've instantly started fretting over her appearance. But for some reason, she didn't. It was odd, but also kind of not, if that made any sense.

"You're new here." He said it like statement, not a question. Meredith wondered with a pang of self pity if she really looked that tragically out of place.

"I am," she said. "How did you know?"

He smiled at her and crossed his arms over his chest. "I can sense these things," he said mysteriously.

Meredith frowned at him. "Is it really that obvious?"

"No, it's not," he said. She frowned. "But the moving vans are."

She smiled for the first time and felt herself relax a little. She loosened her muscles, realizing how stiff she had been. "Oh," was all she could muster.

He took a step towards her, letting his arms fall back to his sides. "Where are you from?"

"Boston," she admitted after a moment.

"Never been there," he admitted right back.

"Well then I don't think we can be friends," she said. He chuckled and she smiled. They both sat down onto the cold, slightly damp rocks beside each other. "You're from the Northeast too," she said.

"Is it that obvious?" he asked, a hint of a smile in his voice.

"No," she said. "But the Yankees cap is."

He lifted his hand to the brim of his hat as if remembering it was there. "Oh," he said. "I forgot I was wearing that."

"Yankees fan?" she asked him.

"Greatest team in baseball," he said faithfully.

"Another reason why we can't be friends," she told him. She liked him. And not in the lets-go-makeout-under-the-bleachers way, but in the friends way. It was nice, not to be forced and fake towards a boy for once. It was nice not to feel judged. As they sat there, Meredith mused at how sad it was that there were so few people in her life that she actually liked.

xxx

Derek was not exactly popular, he wasn't exactly the guy that did the whole pep-rally, football game, prom thing. He went to camp over the summer instead of getting wasted in the parking lot at the local mall. He had dinner with his family instead of picking up unassuming freshman girls and having sex with them under the bleachers at football games. He did his homework instead of getting drunk and watching porn in his garage. Some might call him a geek, some might call him a loser, but the thing was, Derek didn't care. He didn't long for popularity. He didn't long to be noticed by the cheerleaders. And for this reason, he was not associated with the nobodies nor the somebodies. He was somewhere in between. He was always somewhere in between.

Because he was born in September, his parents had to decide whether or not to send him into kindergarten when he was just barely four, or just barely six. Because he was on the borderline for diagnosable dyslexia, he had to take special classes with a speech therapist up until fifth grade _just to be sure. _Because his teeth were _almost _perfectly straight, he wore braces for a mere six weeks. He was the Almost Guy. Like some strange, half-way superhero. He was an almost geek, with the almost grades who lived in an almost bedroom, because, as the fifth child, his parents had basically ran out of room. He was the king of in between, he was the ruler of kind of, he was the sultan of almost. Until he met her.

There was no part of him that was unsure when he saw her. There was no fiber in his being that was in between when he came upon her, sitting in the fading light, her golden hair matching the golden sky, a frown painted across her features as she stared out at the water. He was sure. Sure of what he didn't exactly know, but it felt good to be standing on his own two feet knowing something definite for the first time in a long time.

He knew he wanted to be near her, he knew he wanted to get to know her, he knew he had stumbled upon something or someone important. And when he saw her smile, he knew that she was someone he could quite possibly fall in love with.

xxx

Meredith lay on her bed thinking about a boy. What was wrong with her? She never did this. She never fretted and wondered about anyone, let alone a boy. She was not that girl. She was not the girl who cared. And yet, here she was, fretting and wondering and...caring.

But she wasn't fretting and wondering and caring about the normal things like whether or not he was good kisser. She was wondering about outrageous stuff like whether or not his parents loved him or whether or not he watched _Friends _or whether he liked Coke or Pepsi. It was outrageous, it was ludicrous, caring about another person like this. The only living being Meredith had ever really bonded with was her dog named Miles she had had when she was a little girl. Miles had gotten hit by a car on her sixth birthday and after that Meredith had stopped making connections. It hurt too much when they broke.

As she lay there, Meredith heard the front door open. Her mother had returned and was no doubt in the mood to be disappointed about some aspect of Meredith's being. As the footsteps ascended the stairs, Meredith willed herself to look asleep. She squeezed her eyes shut, she huddled under her covers and yet the footsteps still stopped outside her room. "Oh good, you're up," her mother said.

"Actually I'm not," she said.

There was a pause. "Now you are."

"What is it?" Meredith asked, not sitting up.

"You're grades came today," her mother said. There was pause. "I'm disappointed." _Of course you are, _Meredith thought. "These grades are unacceptable."

This was funny because Meredith knew her grades were quite acceptable. She had figured it out when her advisor had congratulated her on making the highest grades in the class. "What about them is so unacceptable?" Meredith asked, staring at her wall.

"A B minus in Science? Meredith, do you know what a B minus is?" she asked. Meredith didn't answer. This was the part when she was supposed to be the obedient daughter, absorbing her mother's bullshit wisdom. "It's average. I did not raise you to be average, Meredith. I raised you to be extraordinary."

"Well did you also happen to see those six A pluses listed neatly under that B minus?" Meredith asked, her voice cold. "Or do you automatically zone in on the aspect of any situation, which gives you reason to yell at me?"

"You will not speak to me like that," her mother said, striding further into the room. "I won't tolerate it." She paused and straightened up slightly, glancing at the grades, which were clutched in her hand. "I won't tolerate an average grade either. You will improve this grade."

Meredith looked at her mother. _You will improve, you will change, you will be extraordinary. _She said these things as if she was talking about washing the dishes, as if it was simple matter of hard work. Ridiculously, Meredith suddenly wished she wasn't smart, that she _was_ average, just so she could get revenge on her mother in some strange way. She realized her mother was still waiting for a response, but she couldn't give one. Her anger was clouding her brain. It was making things foggier than they should be.

She stood up and walked past her mother who watched her with a look of slight disbelief at being ignored. She walked down the stairs and outside. She walked across the lawn in her pajamas with bright red cherries on them. Why did she think he would be there? Why did she even hope for it? Disjointedly, she realized she still didn't even know his name.

She walked down the short path and emerged beside the creek. He was there. Of course he was. She sat down beside him and fingered one of the cherries on her leg. She glanced over at him. He was more properly dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. "Hello again," he said. Was he surprised to see her? Was he waiting for her?

"Hey," she said. She shifted her gaze from the creek to his face. He was looking at her as well. "Do you have a name?"

He smiled knowingly. "Yes, it's Derek," he said. He glanced at his legs, crossed in front of him. "Do you have one?"

She smiled. "Meredith." He nodded. She looked away from him and pulled her legs up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. The rocks were particularly cold through the thin material of her pajamas, but she didn't notice. She watched the pretty way the moonlight reflected in the current of the creek. She wondered about the boy sitting beside her. "Hey, Derek?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you like Coke or Pepsi?"

**So what do ya'll think? Like it? Should I keep going? **


	2. Just Friends

**Here's some more of this for your guys. I am in love with this story and the MerDer relationship. Please tell me what you think! I'm open to suggestions on how the storyline should go!**

They had become friends. Meredith was almost completely sure of it. Was it sad that she was surprised by this fact? She didn't make friends in the way that she had made friends with Derek. She hung out with people, because they had the same taste in music or TV shows or something. She and Derek were nothing alike. She was messy, he was neat, she ate cold pizza for breakfast, he ate muesli, he was good at smiling, she wasn't. Or she didn't used to be. Somewhere in the back of her mind there was some saying bouncing around. What was it? Oh yeah. Opposites attract.

She watched from her perch on his bed as he tore through his closet, sifting through every piece of clothing he owned, attempting to pack for camp. When she had found out he was going to the same camp that she was, she had stopped being quite so self-pitying and depressed. She was even looking forward to it. Meredith never looked forward to anything. It opened up too many possibilities to be disappointed.

She watched with an amused expression as he picked up a sweater vest and stuffed it into his suitcase. "A sweater vest? Seriously? What situation could you possibly find yourself in at camp, in which you would need a sweater vest?"

"I don't know...I like to be prepared. For all possibilities." He paused amidst his mess and looked at her. "Unlike some people I know."

"How was I supposed to know it was jacket and tie?"

"Maybe because it said so on the invitation," Derek said, picking up a blue t-shirt and studying it.

"No one reads the invitation," Meredith said, flopping over onto her back.

"I read the invitation," Derek said as he examined yet another shirt. He peered over the top of it and smiled at her. "In order to avoid things like showing up to formal dinners in ratty jeans and t-shirt that says 'Legalize Pot'."

Meredith glanced over at him and smiled. He threw the shirt he was holding into his suitcase, thought better of it, and then pulled it out again. He dropped it on the floor and moved to a pair of pants, but a few seconds later, he returned the shirt, picked it up and put it back in the suitcase. Meredith sighed. "You're such a girl."

Derek turned towards her with a smile and abandoned his mess, walking over to the bed and flopping down next to her. "Shut up," he told her absentmindedly.

"You shut up," Meredith said.

Derek laughed and folded his hands behind his head, looking up at the ceiling with a far off look in his eye. "You excited?" he asked after a while.

"Three weeks in the middle of no where surrounded by socially stunted high schoolers? How could I not be excited?" Meredith said dryly.

"I'll be there," Derek pointed out.

"Yeah at like a totally separate campsite like a mile away," Meredith said. "Will we even get to see each other?"

"Not often," he admitted. He thought for a second. "There's a dance every Wednesday and Friday," he offered.

"That's it?" Meredith sighed. She wore her disappointment openly in front of him. "That sucks," she told him.

In the past month since that first day at the creek, they had spent almost every waking hour together. They traveled up the creek and down the creek. They rode their bikes in no particular direction. Derek persuaded his mom to borrow the car on a few occasions and they had driven to random towns within a one hundred mile radius. They went out for ice cream. They fought over the remote when they watched TV. And they talked.

Meredith told Derek things she never thought she would tell anyone. In the past twenty nine days, Derek had learned things about her that her own mother didn't know, that her closest friends in Boston didn't know. It was strange. When she was with him, she just started talking. And he would listen. She wanted him to know. She got addicted to saying things and having them matter to someone.

"Are you going to miss me?" Derek asked, nudging her lightly in the side.

She glanced over at him and shrugged. "Maybe," she said, nudging him back.

"I'll miss you," he told her and she was surprised at the sincerity in his words.

She smiled at him and then turned her face towards the ceiling again. She studied the cracks in the plaster thoughtfully. "It's weird. I've never had a best friend before."

He shifted closer to her. "Yeah, me neither."

She looked over at him and turned on her side, propping her head up in her hand. "What did you do before I came along?"

"I don't know. Stuff."

She laughed. "Didn't you have I don't know...people? To wile away the hours with?"

He shrugged. "There were people," he said.

She nodded. "Well, good. At least you weren't a complete loser."

Derek laughed and rolled back off the bed. "Now stop distracting me. I have to pack."

"You've packed enough," Meredith said. "Let's go do something."

Derek shook his head vaguely, seemingly wrapped up in deciding between two pairs of pants, which, to Meredith, looked exactly the same. "Don't you have to pack?"

She shrugged. "I'll just throw some crap in a bag."

Derek looked up at her and shook his head, smiling. "You're such a guy."

"Shut up."

"You shut up."

xxx

An hour later, after Derek was sure he had packed for every possible situation, we made our way downstairs. We walked into his kitchen. Meredith liked Derek's kitchen. It felt cozy and warm. It was like a well-worn sweater, while hers was more like a brand-new sweater before it's washed, so it's kind of itchy and all together unpleasant to wear.

Meredith leaned her elbows on the counter, resting her head in her hands. Derek made his way over to the fridge. Meredith had never known a boy like she knew Derek, she never went over to a boy's house and spent the whole day there, so at first she was slightly worried at the amount of food Derek consumed. He visited the kitchen intermittently throughout the day to munch on a bag of pretzels or eat a container of yogurt or consumed a banana in about three bites. And he never got full, or so it seemed. Meredith was alarmed at first, but she had gotten used to it pretty quickly.

"How are you not fat?" she asked him as he surveyed his options, his head stuck part way into the fridge. He grabbed some carrots and dip, closed the door and stood on the other side of the counter, facing Meredith.

"Don't know," he said. "It's a guy thing I guess."

"But didn't we just establish that you were a girl?" Meredith asked, smiling evilly at him.

"You're funny," he said, popping another carrot in his mouth. Considering the fact that Derek was bombarded with estrogen from the day he was born, it was a surprise how secure he was with his manliness. "Living in a rather small house with four sisters has its benefits. I learned how to pack well."

"You're right," Meredith said, grabbing a carrot and nibbling on it thoughtfully. "Most guys wouldn't even think to pack a sweater vest for summer camp. They'll be sorry when the Queen of England shows up and demands an impromptu tea party."

Derek glared at her and wagged a carrot in her face. "They will be sorry."

Meredith laughed at him and resumed her previous position, elbows on table, chin in hands. "So. What you wanna do?"

"Wanna stay for dinner?" Derek asked, returning the carrot and dip to the fridge. Meredith shrugged. She was easy. As long as it didn't involve going home and facing her mother, she was fine with any activity. Even if it meant dinner with four girls whose favorite hobby seemed to be asking Derek if Meredith was his girlfriend yet.

xxx

There was a place set for her at the table. Derek liked the fact that there was a place set for her at his table. His family had become accustomed to Meredith. They had become accustomed to her eating dinner with them or lying on his bed reading while he attempted to alphabetize his books or sneaking in in the middle of the night and slipping into Derek's bed where she slept till morning. He never asked, but he assumed the late night visits had something to do with her mother. Meredith told him a lot, but he noticed her guardedness when it came to her mother. And he never asked about it. He knew she would tell him when she was ready.

In the past month Derek had come to love Meredith. He loved everything about her. The way she bit her bottom lip when she was nervous or twirled her hair around her finger when she was thinking or the way she slept with her hand resting under her cheek. He strongly suspected that he was falling in love with her, but he knew she needed a friend more than boyfriend at the moment. And he was happy to be her friend. He loved being her friend. The boyfriend part could come later. For now this was enough.

They sat down at the table while they waited for his sisters and mother to arrive. He noted her relaxed posture, the small smile playing on her lips and decided that maybe she had become accustomed to his family as well. "After dinner, you want to go for a walk?" he asked softly, tilting his head towards her.

She turned her face towards him and smiled. "Okay."

"Meredith!"

Meredith turned in her seat as Derek's mother walked in from outside, carrying a platter covered in tin foil. Derek felt a pang as he smelled the hamburgers, hot off the grill. In the stereotypical, white picket fence, American fashion, his father had always done the grilling. Derek remembered sitting on the grass next to him as he flipped burgers and mused about the philosophical undertones present in American society. Derek loved his dad for talking to him as if he were a grown up, although he suspected most of the philosophical undertones he swore were present in say, a hot dog, were complete bullshit.

"I made hamburgers," his mom announced. Derek forced a smile. If his mother knew it was fake, she didn't let on, but Derek could feel Meredith's eyes on him. She knew. He didn't know how, but she knew.

Just then, Derek heard a rumbling on the stairs and his sisters entered the dining room. "Meredith!" Sarah greeted happily. "Hey loser," she added after a pause.

Derek sighed with an added hint of nostalgia. "I just love it when you guys come home from college."

"I know you do," Nancy said. As she walked by, she reached out and pinched his cheek. Derek slapped her hand away.

His mom walked in holding the hamburgers and put them on the table along with buns, ketchup and mustard. "Mmmm, hamburgers," Susan said. Everyone took one and put them on their plates. "Remember when dad grilled hamburgers?"

Derek froze and felt the silence descend over the table. It was just like Susan to bring up the one topic that everyone was thinking about, but subtly avoiding. Susan never shied away from a fight. She marched boldly into uncomfortable situations armed with her wit and brutal honesty. Derek wished she knew when to stop.

"You two excited for camp?" his mother asked and just like the topic was dropped. Gone. They could pretend it never happened.

"Yes," Meredith said quickly, eyeing Derek from the corner of her eye. "Very excited."

"Three weeks alone in the woods," Anna said wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. "Oh the fun you two will have."

"You do know there will be other people there, don't you?" Derek asked his sister.

"Oh, Derek," Sarah said as if talking to a small child. "Two horny teenagers surrounded by miles and miles of woods with secluded clearings..."

"We're not together," Meredith said. She had learned to be blunt with his sisters. Tiptoeing around the issue and vaguely hinting at it only spurred them on.

"I'm sure," Nancy said, biting into her burger.

"Oh, Lord," Derek breathed.

xxx

"I love your family," Meredith said as they walked down the road towards the creek. "They're great."

"I beg to differ," Derek said.

"Oh shut up," Meredith said. "You're lucky. You know that right?"

Derek nodded his head slowly. He did know. "Yeah, I do," he told her quietly.

They walked in silence until they reached the creek. They slipped down the small bank and waded into the water. Meredith felt goose bumps rise on her legs as the chilly water splashed across her skin. She let out a little shiver. They began walking, downstream, side by side. "What was your father like?" Meredith asked.

Derek was so startled by the question that he almost fell into the water. "Wh-what?" he sputtered unintelligently.

Meredith was patient. He had listened to her ramblings enough, she figured it was to pay her dues. "Your father. What was he like?"

"He liked baseball," Derek blurted out. It was an odd place to start, but he had to start somewhere. "He really, really loved it. He would spend hours watching re-runs of old games and reading newspaper clippings from the 1950's..." Derek suddenly felt the words tumbling out. It felt so good to tell someone. "He never could play, though. He tried to teach me, but I proved just as uncoordinated."

Meredith giggled softly beside him, swinging her flip flops in her hand. "What?" Derek asked.

"Nothing," she said quietly. "It's just that it fits."

"What fits?"

"The clumsiness...it fits with the sweater vest and the packing habits..." she trailed off, suddenly worried he would take this as an insult. She wished she could tell him how charming he found the sweater vest and the clumsiness and the packing habits. She wished she could tell him that all these things made her love him even more.

"No, I know what you mean," Derek said. He knew the way he was. He wasn't sorry. He also knew Meredith wasn't either.

"I like your dad," she said quietly.

He turned to her. He loved her for saying it. He wanted to kiss her. He paused in the water. She paused next to him. She looked at him. He leaned towards her. He leaned closer and closer and her face and her lips were right there. But then they weren't and she was sitting in the creek laughing. He looked down at her, jarred into reality. "I slipped," she said meekly.

He smiled and reached down, extending his hand. She took it and pulled herself to her feet. "We should go home," he said softly, still holding her hand.

"Yeah, we should," she agreed, attempting to swallow the lump in her throat.

**Thank you for all of the reviews! I love them! They make me happy, so keep it up and I might just update sooner. Lol. **


	3. I'll Be There For You

Derek awoke to the sound of the front door opening and glanced at his clock. It was late. He listened, waiting patiently, as the footsteps crept up the stairs, turned down the hall and stopped outside his door. Then, slowly, the door opened and she was standing in his doorway. The bed dipped slightly as she sat down on the end of it. "You okay?" he asked into the darkness.

The shadowy figure that was Meredith nodded. "Yeah." He could tell how hard she was trying not to make her voice come out all wobbly.

She crawled across the bed and he lifted the covers so that she could slip under them. She laid her head onto the pillow next to him. Her body felt warm next to his. Did she know what she was doing to him? "I really hate her sometimes," she whispered. He reached down under the covers and found her hand. He interlaced his fingers with hers. She squeezed back.

He waited until she fell asleep before wrapping his arm around her and pulling her closer. She never let him hold her while she fell asleep, but the many times she had woken up in his arms, she hadn't complained or jumped away in alarm. He suspected she didn't get held very much and didn't know how to ask. He didn't make her.

xxx

Meredith woke up to the sun as it poured in through Derek's bedroom windows. She loved the feeling of waking up with his arms wrapped around her. She loved the feeling of someone holding her. She couldn't remember the last time someone had just _held _her. Just wrapped their arms around her and held on. No questions. No pulling away. Just their arms. It was nice. She liked it. It made her feel loved.

"You awake?" Derek's voice drifted into her thoughts.

"Yeah," she said tiredly. She didn't want him to pull away yet. She hoped he wouldn't.

"Want to get up?" he asked. He was leaving it up to her. She loved him for that.

What she wanted was to fall back asleep with his arms wrapped around her comfortably. What she wanted was to just let him hold her. Forever maybe. But wasn't that something couples did? Could they sleep in each others arms and still be _just friends_? She hoped so. "Can we just stay like this? For a little longer?"

He didn't miss a beat. He didn't question it. She was glad he didn't. "Of course," he told her. His voice was just as sleepy as hers.

xxx

"Nancy, can you go get Derek for breakfast?" Mrs. Shepherd asked as she lay out the plates onto the table. Nancy rubbed her eyes, nodded and got up from the table. She shuffled down the hall and up the stairs. She opened Derek's door without knocking. She smiled when she saw the figure of Derek curled protectively around the figure of Meredith. They didn't even stir at her presence, sleeping on peacefully.

She slowly backed up and pulled the door shut, before returning to the kitchen. Mrs. Shepherd glanced up at her. "Where's Derek?"

Nancy considered telling her. She considered being obnoxious and dropping innuendoes until the cows came home, but for some reason, it didn't feel right. "Um, he told me he wanted to sleep in," she lied easily.

Mrs. Shepherd nodded and continued stirring the scrambled eggs cooking on the stove. "I'll save him something."

xxx

Meredith woke up for the second time and glanced at the clock. It was almost noon. She reached up to rub her eyes, yawning contentedly. Derek began to stir beside her. "What time is it?" he asked.

"Twelve," Meredith answered.

Derek pulled away slightly to stretch. "We should get up."

Meredith sighed. "We should."

They both rolled off the bed. Derek walked over to the door and held it open for Meredith as she walked past him into the hallway. "Do you want to talk about it?" Derek always asked, because every once in a while she would want to to talk. But more often, she wouldn't. She would stiffen up, as she was doing now, shake her and say forcefully, "No, I'm fine."

He nodded. He let it drop even thought they both knew she wasn't fine at all. They walked down the stairs and straight into the kitchen. "Meredith!" Mrs. Shepherd exclaimed. "When did you get here?"

Meredith glanced down at her outfit. She was wearing pajamas with sheep on them. "I, uh, came over this morning."

"Oh, we didn't see you," Mrs. Shepherd said.

Meredith glanced at Derek. "Yeah, it was really early."

Mrs. Shepherd smiled. Meredith suspected she knew. So why was she so embarrassed? It's not like anything happened. "Well, would you like to stay for lunch?"

Meredith nodded. "I'd love that."

"Here, I'll make a couple of sandwiches and you two can eat them outside."

Meredith loved the idea of someone making lunch for her. She had cooked her own food since she was nine. There had been countless meals of grilled cheese and tomato soup until she found _10-Minute Meals _in a Barnes and Noble. "Thanks, mom," Derek said behind her.

xxx

"Does your mom always make you lunch?" Meredith asked Derek as they walked along the edge of the creek in search of a nice place to eat their sandwiches.

Derek glanced sideways at her. He could hear the sadness in her voice. "Um, some days," he said.

Meredith knew he was trying to protect her. She appreciated it. "That must be nice."

Derek nodded. "It is," he answered truthfully.

"The last time my mom made lunch for me I was in 3rd grade. It was for a field trip." Meredith watched the water part and flow around her ankles. Derek watched her silently, knowing that there was more. He knew prodding her and asking questions wouldn't do any good. He had tried that at first, but found that she simply shut off when urged on. So he waited. "Grape juice."

Derek was confused. Grape juice? Discordantly, he thought of his grandmother who suffered from tourettes. "What?" he asked after a moment.

She smiled at the water. "Grape juice was the one kind of juice I didn't like and she still packed it. Ever since I could talk I told her I didn't like it and yet after six or seven years she still hadn't caught on."

Derek was quiet and then, ever so slowly, he reached for her hand. Their fingers interlaced, fitting together perfectly. "I'm sorry," he said, because he was.

She tilted her face towards his and smiled. He loved it when she smiled. They rounded a bend in the creek, still hand in hand, and came to a little sandbar. Derek laid out the blanket and plopped down onto it. Meredith plopped down beside him, unwrapped her sandwich and began eating.

As Derek chewed, he peered at her appreciatively as she gazed out across the water. He wondered if she knew how truly beautiful she was. She didn't do much to show it off. She wore very little makeup and plain clothes, but no matter what she did, she was absolutely stunning. He took another bite of his sandwich wishing he could tell her just how worthy she was.

xxx

Meredith was quiet as they walked back towards Derek's house. Was it horrible that she was jealous of Derek? It wasn't his fault that her mother was the way she was. It wasn't his fault that Meredith has raised herself. It wasn't his fault that at the age of thirteen she had gotten into her mother's liquor cabinet and discovered the joys of tequila. It wasn't his fault that she spent the next morning throwing up. It wasn't his fault that her mother heard her vomiting in the next room over and didn't even say goodbye before heading off to the hospital.

Derek was somewhat of a wonder to Meredith. He loved unconditionally. He was steady in his presence. Meredith kept waiting for him to leave. That's what she expected of people. That's what happened. But not with Derek. He was always there when she needed him.

"You packed yet?" Derek asked swinging his flip flops in his hand.

Meredith smiled. "Not quite."

"You haven't even started yet have you?" Derek said, smiling knowingly. Meredith shook her head sheepishly. Derek grinned. "Come on, I'll help you."

Meredith paused in the creek. "You mean you'll come over to my house and help me? Like you'll go into my house?"

Derek looked back at her and furrowed his brow. "Yeah, is that okay?"

"Yeah, just hang on one sec," Meredith said. What day was it? Wednesday. What did she do on Wednesdays? She had a shift right? She did. She left in the morning, but when did she come back? Was this the late night or was that Thursday?

"Meredith?"

Meredith refocused on Derek's face. She realized she had been silent for a while. "Yeah?"

"You okay?"

"I'm just trying to remember when my mom gets home on Wednesdays."

Derek's face softened noticeably. It occurred to Meredith that most kids would _want _their parents to meet their friends. "Mer, it's okay if she meets me." Meredith was doubtful. Derek reached for her hand. "Come on, it'll be fine."

They walked across the lawn towards the house. Meredith could feel her steps slow as they neared the back door. She felt her steps stop ten feet away from said door. "You know, I can pack myself."

Derek smiled slightly. "It'll be fine."

Meredith looked into his eyes. "Okay."

They walked the remaining ten feet to the door and then Derek opened it and then they walked in. Meredith stood in the little mud room that the back door opened into. Derek stood beside her. He chanced a glance at her. "Mer?"

Meredith turned her head towards him. "Yeah?"

"You wanna go in? You know into your house?"

"Yeah." But her feet wouldn't move. Why wouldn't her feet move? She looked down at them, and furrowed her brow at their disobedience.

"Want me to go first?" Derek said. He was being immeasurably sweet and patient. Meredith nodded and they made their way further into the house. They stepped into the living room. So far the coast was clear. Maybe she did work late on Wednesdays.

"So where's your room?" Derek asked, eyeing the immaculately neat and immaculately cold living room. If rooms were people, Meredith's living room would definitely be unfriendly. If that made sense.

"Oh, it's up here," Meredith said, relaxing slightly. They began to walk towards the stairs when the kitchen door banged open behind them.

"Oh, it's you," Ellis said.

Meredith turned. Derek watched as her demeanor immediately shifted from the independent, bold Meredith he knew into a meek, quiet girl who he didn't recognize. She looked like a puppy waiting to be punished. He hated that. "This is my friend, Derek," Meredith said, her voice a feeble line of sound.

Ellis eyed Derek. He tried to hold her gaze. He failed. "Hello, Derek," she said. She didn't sound happy or friendly.

"You're going to that camp tomorrow aren't you?" Ellis asked.

Meredith nodded. "Yes."

"I'm not going to be here when you leave. I have a shift so I guess this is goodbye." Meredith nodded. Ellis looked at her daughter like someone looks at a pair of shoes they wish they hadn't bought. "I just hope this camp experience goes better than the last one. I'm not driving five hours to come pick you up when you get kicked out again."

Meredith lifted her head. "I didn't get kicked out, I got pneumonia."

"Yes, well." Ellis looked from Derek to Meredith. "I have to go."

"Bye," Meredith said inevitably. Ellis strode past them, picked up her coat and was out the door a few seconds later. Derek turned his body towards Meredith. He hated the sadness he saw etched into every one of her features. "I guess we should pack," Meredith said quietly, trying not to cry.

Derek nodded slightly, but didn't move. He watched as Meredith looked at the ground, her whole body shaking from the effort it took to hold in her tears. And then she lifted her gaze back to his face and crumpled. She pitched forward into his arms, pressing her face into his chest. "Why does she hate me? Wh-why am I never good enough for her? Why doesn't...she love me?"

The stream of questions continued and Derek just held on as if he could absorb her pain and sadness if he held her close enough. And maybe he did, because sometime later, Meredith stopped crying. The light had changed, the shadows were longer and Derek picked her up in his arms and carried her upstairs. Her body was exhausted. It felt small and frail in his arms as he walked into her bedroom (he assumed it was her bedroom from the AC/DC posters hanging on the walls) and placed her on the bed. "You didn't have to do that," Meredith said sleepily.

"Yes I did," Derek said.

"I'm just going to take a nap," Meredith mumbled tiredly. "Then we can pack."

"Fine with me," Derek said softly, before pulling the covers up around her shoulders and backing out of the room, closing the door softly behind him.

**Oh my God! How cute are they? I love writing this!! Reviews rock my socks.**


	4. Save Me

"Meredith?" Derek gently pushed open her bedroom door and looked inside. When his gaze fell upon a sleeping Meredith, her hand tucked under her cheek, his heart melted. He knew it was a cliche, but cliches are cliches for a reason: they're true. He walked further into the room and came to stand beside her bed. He reached out and lightly touched her shoulder. "Mer?"

Meredith opened one eye and peered up at him. As she saw the look of sympathy mixed with pity mixed with sadness painted on Derek's face, the events of the afternoon all came rushing back. She squeezed her eyes shut and covered her face with her hands. "Oh, God," she muttered.

Derek smiled. "What?"

Meredith dropped her hands to look at him. "I kind of had a melt down didn't I?" she asked, her voice whispery and embarrassed.

Derek half nodded and half shook his head. How could he say yes without making her feel worse? He just wanted her to know it was okay. "Meredith, if your mom is like that everyday, then a melt down is long overdue."

"I'm sorry," Meredith said. Her cheeks were rapidly turning from pink to red. She lifted her hands to cover her face again.

Derek sat down and lifted his hand to one of wrists, gently pulling it away from her face. "It's okay," he said. He smiled at her and tilted his head in the most understanding way. It made a little of the color drain from Meredith's cheeks.

"Okay," she said.

xxx

"Do you need this?" Derek asked.

Meredith rolled her eyes at him. "I'm not you."

Derek shrugged. "You never know."

"I'm not going to need a formal dress. If the queen comes I'll just have to make due with jeans and a t-shirt."

Derek shook his head, but put the dress back in her closet. "You're going to be sorry."

"Or maybe I can borrow one of your sweater vests," Meredith teased.

"Don't be ridiculous," Derek said. "The queen wouldn't stand for a lady wearing such masculine attire."

"You're right," Meredith said, nodding her head. "I mean if you consider sweater vests masculine."

Derek shot a glare, which soon melted into a grin. "For your information, sweater vests are very flattering on me."

"Oh my God you're such a girl," Meredith said.

Derek tried really, really hard to look offended. "I'm not-What are-I just..." Meredith raised her eyebrows as he stumbled along. Derek glanced at the skirt he was holding in his hands in dismay. "Yeah, you're right. I'm a girl."

Meredith smiled and walked over to him, placing her hands on his shoulders. He looked towards her. He was trying to look hurt, but she could see the smile in his eyes. "I'm only teasing ya know," Meredith said.

The smile traveled from his eyes into his face. "I know," he said, his eyes not leaving her face.

The moment had come and passed in which Meredith should've removed her hands from his shoulders. But instead of moving away, she moved a little closer. Derek swallowed. His gaze dipped from her eyes to her lips and back again. He knew he should pull away. He knew they shouldn't be doing this. In his head, he listed all the reason why they shouldn't be doing this, and yet, he felt his body lean towards her. Her hand slipped from his shoulder to his chest as the space between them closed.

"Meredith!"

Meredith jumped away from him so abruptly she nearly tripped over the clothes strewn across the room. She looked towards her bedroom door where her mother was standing. "Mom!" she said, a little too loudly. "Wh-what are you doing here?"

Ellis looked from Meredith to Derek. Her expression was one of mild curiosity. "My shift was over, so I came home."

Meredith felt jumpy. She felt like she wanted to sit down and run around in circles all at once. She didn't know what to do with her hands. She could feel Derek's gaze on her. "I-I thought that...you were, uh, not coming home until a-after I left."

"Yes, well, things change."

"Oh."

"Derek." Derek looked up. "Why don't you stay for dinner."

It sounded more like a dare than an invitation. He glanced at Meredith. She was silently begging him to decline. "I'd love to," he said. He was glad his voice didn't shake.

"Good," Ellis said. "I'll whip something up." As she turned away and walked back down the hall, Meredith turned to Derek.

"Are you crazy?" she asked as if it were a totally legitimate question.

"What?" Derek said. "It'll be fine."

Meredith stood directly in front of him and studied his face. "Why are you doing this?"

Derek smiled. He lifted his hand and brought it to her face, smoothing out the lines of worry on her forehead. "Because I want to," he said softly.

She frowned at him, but accepted his answer. Before he could think better of it, he leaned towards her and pressed a kiss to her forehead. No matter the placement, he knew he kissed her like more than a friend. She pulled away slightly and looked up at him. She looked curious and slightly confused. "We should keep packing," she said softly.

He nodded. "We should."

xxx

"Would you like some more pasta, Derek?" Ellis asked. Derek nodded even though he really didn't want anymore. Ellis handed him the bowl and he scooped some onto his plate, keeping his eyes cast downwards. He was intimidated and he was bad at hiding it.

Everything about the house was intimidating. It was large and cavernous with lots of dark corners and expensive looking things. Everything was new and shiny, in perfect order. It seemed to Derek that the house was purely for show. It wasn't lived in. Where the rug in his living room was worn and stained if you looked in the right places, the rug in Meredith's living room was in pristine condition, not frayed or beaten. Where the chairs in his dining room were nicked, the chairs in this dining room were glossed and shiny. It made him feel sad in a way he didn't really understand.

"So, you will be in the same class as Meredith next year."

It took Derek a second to realize the question was directed at him. "Um, yes." Derek glanced across the table at Meredith, trying to catch her eye. "I'll keep an eye on her." This made Meredith look up. Was that a hint of a smile at the corner of her mouth?

"Oh, so you know about the tequila."

Derek shifted his gaze to Ellis abruptly. Meredith looked back down at her plate. "What?" He was genuinely confused.

"Meredith seems to have taken a liking to it."

What kind of mother belittled their daughter about drinking alcohol? What kind of mother didn't care that their daughter was drinking? What kind of mother took the opportunity to put their daughter down instead of actually worry? Derek didn't understand. Something in him snapped. He wasn't intimidated anymore. He stood up. Meredith put down her fork and tried to figure out what he was doing.

"Meredith doesn't drink," Derek said.

Ellis looked only mildly amused at Derek. "Perhaps not in front of you..."

"In the month that I have known her, Meredith has not drank," Derek said, her voice steady.

"Hmmm, is this true, Meredith? Have you moved on? To what? Drugs? Heroine?" Ellis' tone was icy, it was cutting. Derek wanted to strangle her.

"Meredith does not do drugs. She does not drink. And if she did, it was probably only because you drove her to."

Silence. Long and painful. Derek could feel the intimidation seep back in. He sat down, but then stood up again. He walked out of the room before anyone could kick him out. He walked out the back door and stood in her backyard. He realized he was still holding his napkin.

"What the hell was that?"

He turned to see Meredith striding towards him. "Meredith. I'm sorry, I don't-"

She waved a hand to cut him off. "Why the hell did you do that?"

"I just got so mad at her...All those things she was saying...You don't deserve that...I-I was just trying to..."

"To what? Protect me? Save me?" Meredith leaned into him. Her expression was hard. "Well I'm not yours to save."

Derek swallowed. He took a step away from her. He didn't know what to say to her. He clutched the napkin in his hands. Meredith wanted to take it back. She wanted to let him save her. She wanted to let him love her in all the ways that really mattered. All at once, she felt her anger melt away. She felt empty without it. She looked at him pleadingly. "I, uh...have to go." She nodded, feeling the tears rise in her throat. "I have to go."

"Meredith-" He reached out his hand towards her, but she was already jogging back towards her house. He jogged a few steps after her. "Meredith, please just let me-"

She spun towards him. "Please, just go away."

He stopped running towards her. He nodded brokenly. "Okay," he whispered to her retreating back.

Meredith threw open the back door and walked back into the dining room. The table was already cleared. Her mother walked in from the kitchen. "I have to get back to the hospital," she said, brushing past Meredith and into the foyer where she grabbed her coat. "I liked him," she said, a hint of amusement in her voice. "He was cute. The whole defending your honor thing...well, it made for good entertainment."

Meredith nodded mutely and watched as her mother strode out the door, slamming it behind her. Meredith turned and walked into the dining room. She walked over to the liquor cabinet, opened it and pulled the bottle of tequila out. She twisted the cap off and took a swig. She felt it burn its way down her throat. She walked into the living room and sat on the couch. She raised the bottle to her lips and took another gulp.

She liked tequila. She liked how it made everything blurry. She loved how it could make her forget.

xxx

"Hey, Derek," Nancy called out as Derek walked through the front door. Derek walked into the living room where she was watching TV. Nancy took one look at hi face and frowned. "What's wrong?"

Derek shook his head slightly. "Nothing, I just...No, it's nothing."

"Okay," Nancy said warily. "Want to watch _Friends _with me?"

Derek glanced at the TV, then at Nancy, then back towards the door. "No, I...I have to go."

"Derek, where are you-" But he was already gone. He walked down his driveway and onto the sidewalk. He broke into a run when her house came into view. He leaped up the front steps and knocked on the front door. He heard a crash and angry mumbles before the door opened. Meredith squinted up at him, leaning against the doorframe for support. "Oh, it's you," she said. "I suppose you're here to rescue me again."

Derek reached towards her, but she pulled away so abruptly that she almost fell over. "Meredith, I'm not here to rescue you."

"You aren't?" she asked. Her words were dangerously slurred. "But you're my knight in shining...whatever."

Derek frowned at her. He wished she would let him hold her. "Can I come in?"

Meredith squinted at him, trying to process his words. "Sure," she said finally, before turning and walking back into the house.

Derek followed her, closing the door behind him. She led him into the living room where she plopped back down at the couch. She picked up the tequila bottle and frowned when she discovered it almost empty. She put it back down and sagged against the couch cushions.

Derek walked over and sat down next to her. She looked up at him. "Why'd you come back?"

Derek smiled. "I was worried about you."

She shook her head. "No one ever worries about me."

"I do."

"I don't deserve you."

Derek frowned sadly. "Meredith-"

"Hey, Derek?" she said, her voice soft.

"Yeah?"

"I love you," she told him with a slight nod of her head.

Derek smiled. "I love you, too." He knew she probably wouldn't remember this in the morning. A part of him wanted her too.

"I'm really, really tired," she said.

Derek nodded and stood up. He bent down and picked her up for the second time that day. He didn't mind at all. He'd hold her all day if he could. He walked up the stairs with her head resting against his chest and her arms looped loosely around his neck. He laid her onto the bed just like before. He tucked the covers around her just like before, but this time, before he could make it out the door, her voice stopped.

"Don't go."

He turned around. "What?"

"Don't go. Stay." She looked at him and the expression on her face made his heart break. "I don't want to wake up alone again."

He suspected it was the tequila talking, but nevertheless, he found himself slipping his shoes off and climbing onto the bed beside her. She turned her body towards him and he lifted his arm so that she could settled against him. "Thank you," she mumbled into his chest.

He swallowed and glanced at her, already half asleep, her head resting on his chest. "You're welcome."

**Soooooo, what'd ya think? Was Ellis a little over the top? Is anyone that mean? All well. I hope it worked.**


	5. Tequila Sunrise

Meredith opened one eye and immediately regretted it. She felt like someone had run over her with a truck, although she wouldn't really know since she had never been personally run over by a truck. But she imagined it felt something like this. She realized, as her surroundings slowly came into focus, that she was in her room. She also realized that there was something solid and extremely warm wrapped around her. _Derek. _How did he get here?

She remembered her mother. And then yelling. And then tequila. Oh, God, the tequila. There was a lot of tequila. But how had Derek gotten here? She moved a little in an attempt to slip out from under his arm, but as soon as she shifted, he tightened his grasp around her. She sighed and relaxed back against him. She was tired enough not to worry about it right now.

She was glad he was still wearing clothes. She was glad _she _was still wearing clothes. At least she didn't have to deal with _that. _Because _that _hadn't happened. She paused. Had it? She thought for a second. She considered each of part of her body individually. No, she decided, it hadn't.

Oh, God, if only she could remember what _had _happened last night. She could vaguely remember Derek showing up at her front door. She had said something about a knight. Yeah, what was that about? Had she passed out? Had she puked? Oh. She really hoped she hadn't. Had she gotten into bed by herself? Had he carried her up here? Had she asked him to stay? _Ugh, _she thought, _stupid tequila. _

But there were parts of that night she wished she couldn't remember. She had yelled at Derek. She had yelled at him for being nice and standing up for her. What was wrong with her? She had yelled and he had left. But then he came back. She ran her hand along his arm, which was resting comfortably across her stomach. _He came back. _

Behind her, he let out a little groan and tightened his grasp around her. "Derek?" she whispered.

"Mmmm," he said.

"Are you awake?"

"I think so," he said. He began to pull away, but she grabbed his arm, pulling him back down.

"Don't go," she said.

"I wasn't," he said.

She turned in his arms and looked up at him. She smoothed her hands across his chest and didn't meet his eyes. "What happened last night?" she asked quietly.

"You don't remember?" he asked. Was he disappointed?

She glanced up at his face. "No." She looked back down. "Sorry," she added as an afterthought.

He chuckled. "Don't be sorry. Nothing really happened."

She felt the relief well up in her. "Really?"

"Really."

"Thank, God," she said. He forced a smile onto his face and she sighed softly, closing her eyes again and settling against him. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his cheek lightly against her hair, but he couldn't deny the disappointment he felt. He had wanted her to remember what he had said, because even if she hadn't meant it, he had. He wanted to know how much he really did love her. "Hey, Mer?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do you really not remember _anything _about last night?" he asked.

She pulled herself closer to him, feeling her eyes droop. "I really don't. Why?"

He swallowed and didn't look down at her. He just kept his arms around her and tried to force the words out. "Well, it's just that...when you were...well, drunk, you said...you told me..." He trailed off and glanced out the window next to her bed. God, why was this so hard? It was just one friend telling another friend how he felt. That's all. He tried again."You told me that you...loved me and I don't know if you meant it or if you were just...but when I...when I told you that I...felt the same...I-I really meant it." He paused. Why was she so quiet? Was that a bad sign? "So that's it. I just wanted you to know." He paused and glanced down at her. "Mer?"

He pulled away slightly and looked at her face. She was sleeping peacefully, her hand tucked under her chin as usual. He sighed and pressed a light kiss to the top of her head. "Great," he sighed and tried to fall back asleep.

xxx

Derek woke up, took one glance at the clock and immediately began stumbling out of bed. Meredith, jolted awake, groaned in protest and pulled a pillow over her head. "Derek..." she moaned. "What the hell are you doing?"

"We have to go," he said, tripping across the room as he pulled on his shoes. "We're going to be late."

Meredith sat up, paused, considered whether or not she was going to throw up and then stood up slowly. "I think I'm dying," she said.

Derek walked over to her and took her hand. "It's just hangover," he said.

She glared at him. "No shit, Sherlock."

He rolled his eyes and shook his head before remembering how late they were and leaping across the room to grab her bags. "Is this everything?" he asked, scanning the room. She nodded and rubbed her head, attempting to soothe the dull ache pounding in her temples.

He walked over to the door opened it and jogged down the hall. "I'm not running, so you can just calm down," she yelled after him. She took a deep breath and then carefully took one step forward. Then two. Then three. _So far so good. _She made it into the hall without falling over and then all the way downstairs all the while fighting the constant urge to throw up.

She stepped outside to find Derek standing in the driveway with all her bags draped over his shoulders. She couldn't help but laugh. "You look like a pack mule," she said.

"And you look like crap," he said with a not-so-sincere smile.

She scowled. "Shut up."

She walked down the steps and fell into step beside him as he walked down the street. "My mom's gonna kill me," he muttered under his breath. Meredith tried to ignore the pang in her chest. _At least she cares enough to worry, _she felt like saying to him.

They finally made it to his house and walked inside. Mrs. Shepherd emerged from the living room, scowling. "Where have you been?" she asked.

"At Meredith's," Derek said, letting her bags slip off his shoulders. "I was helping her pack and then fell asleep on the couch."

"Mmmhmm," Mrs. Shepherd said, eyeing the two skeptically. "Well, go get your stuff and get in the car. We're already late." Derek nodded and moved past her up up the staircase. After he was gone, Mrs. Shepherd focused on Meredith. She took in her pale face and bloodshot eyes.

"Are you okay, honey?" she asked. "You look sick." She reached out to feel Meredith's forehead. It made Meredith want to cry.

"Oh, I'm fine," she said automatically.

Mrs. Shepherd looked unsure, but let it drop. Just then, Derek stumbled down the stairs with all of his bags. "Good Lord, Derek, do you really need all that?" Mrs. Shepherd asked, raising her eyebrows.

Derek nodded. "I like to be prepared."

Mrs. Shepherd shook her head and walked outside. Derek made his way over to the door to follow, but turned when Meredith didn't do the same. "What?" he asked.

"Nothing," she said softly, smiling genuinely for the first time that day. What was it about him that made her feel this way? He smiled back, sensing her change in mood and took a few steps backwards to stand beside her. He dropped one of his bags on the ground and reached out, touching her wrist gently.

"You okay?" he asked and every one of his features softened.

"Yeah, I'm...I'm fine. I'm great." She gave a little nod to let him know she wasn't lying. He nodded back and picked up his bag again.

"Ready?" he asked. She nodded again and followed him outside. His mom was already in the car with the engine running. Derek threw his bags in the trunk and slid into the backseat next to Meredith.

Mrs. Shepherd peered at them threw the rearview mirror. "Got everything?" Derek nodded. "You sure?" He nodded again. "Okay," she said. "Cuz once we get going, I'm not stopping for anything."

"Believe me, Mrs. Shepherd," Meredith said. "He has everything he'll need and a whole lot of other crap he won't."

Mrs. Shepherd nodded approvingly, pushed on the gas and they were on the road in no time. For awhile Meredith was only focused on trying not to puke, but once her stomach settled, she began to enjoy the scenery flashing by. Meredith had never minded driving. She could fall sleep if she got bored, but usually she would just lean her head against the cool glass and watch as each town slid into the distance.

She did that now, but soon she felt her eyes drooping. She started to fall asleep, but a bump in the road jolted her, causing her head to hit the window. That did not helping with headache. She tried leaning back against the seat, but her neck was scrunched at an awkward. Finally, she turned to Derek. "Can I sleep on you?" she asked.

He smiled bemusedly at her and nodded. She unbuckled her seatbelt and slid into the middle seat. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close as if it were the most natural thing in the world. And for him, it was. She sighed gratefully and rested her head on his shoulder. She fell asleep almost immediately, one hand tucked under her cheek the other resting on his chest.

Eventually, he feel asleep as well, his head resting against the top of hers and Mrs. Shepherd, glancing in the rearview mirror, smiled at the two friends.

**So the next update will be the arrival at the camp. Will Meredith remember what she said to Derek the night before? Will she remember what Derek said back? Drama, drama, drama.**


	6. Those Three Words

"Meredith, wake up."

Meredith opened her eyes and groaned. She saw pine trees. Lots of pine trees. As she sat up, quaint little log cabins came into view, clustered among the pine trees. She groaned again. Camp. Camp meant conversing with people. And Meredith didn't like people. At least not when she had a hangover.

"I want to go home," she announced.

Mrs. Shepherd turned and smiled at her. "Well, you didn't last very long. Derek usually lasts at least two or three days before he calls home sobbing."

Meredith turned to Derek. "Really."

"Well," Derek said, "I wasn't sobbing."

"Close to it," Mrs. Shepherd said. Meredith smiled. That made her feel a little better.

Derek shook his head in disgust, before opening the door and stepping outside. Meredith slid across the seat and got out after him. "I'm going to go check you two in," Mrs. Shepherd said, pushing her purse up on her shoulder. As she passed Derek, she leaned close and whispered, "Honey, why don't you mingle."

Meredith stifled a laugh as she walked away. She looked at Derek. "Mingle?"

He shook his head. "No," he said simply.

Meredith smiled and eyed her surroundings. Pine trees, cabins and over eager children hoping to make friends. She hated them all. She turned back to Derek and rested her punding head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her waist and rubbed her back gently. "I need Advil," she grumbled into his shirt.

"I think my mom has some in her purse," Derek said.

"I don't want to ask her, though," Meredith said. She lifted her head. "You ask her," she said. Derek shook his head. "Oh come on, Derek," she pleaded. "Tell her you have a headache. Oh, or menstrual cramps. That always works really well."

Derek made a face at her. "Menstrual cramps? Seriously?"

"What? It works for me."

"Uh-huh," he said.

"Please?" Meredith begged.

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"No."

Meredith made her best pouty face and tried one more time. "Pretty, pretty please?"

Derek sighed. "Fine."

"Yay!" Meredith said, jumping a little.

As Mrs. Shepherd emerged from the office, Derek made his way over to her. "Hey, mom, do you have any Advil?" Derek asked.

Mrs. Shepherd's concern was immediate. "What for?"

"Oh, I just have this really bad headache," Derek said. He rubbed his head a little for good measure. Mrs. Shepherd, apparently, wasn't convinced.

"It's for Meredith, isn't it?" she said. Derek was so surprised he didn't say anything for quite a few seconds.

"Yeah, um, yeah." He looked at his mother kind of funny. "How did you know?"

"Oh, please, Derek," Mrs. Shepherd said. "I'm not an idiot. I know a hangover when I see one."

Derek bowed his head slightly and glanced over at Meredith, who was leaning against the car, scowling at all the cheery camp-goers. "Yeah, she had a rough night," he said. Mrs. Shepherd smiled when she heard the concern in her son's voice.

"Is she alright?" she asked softly.

Derek nodded slightly. "She will be. She's really strong, you know?"

Mrs. Shepherd nodded. "I know." She smiled slightly and reached into her purse, before pulling out a bottle of Advil and handing it to Derek. He smiled gratefully. "Well, you guys are all set," she said after a beat. "I better get going."

Derek nodded. "Okay, thanks mom."

"Have fun now," Mrs. Shepherd said, walking back over to her car. "And don't get into any trouble."

"We won't," Derek promised, coming to stand beside Meredith again. Mrs. Shepherd smiled and got into her car and then, with one last wave, she was gone.

Derek turned to Meredith and held up the bottle of Advil. Her eyes widened slightly. "Oh my God, I love you." Meredith froze. I love you. _I love you. _

Suddenly, Meredith remembered. It came back to her in a rush. The tequila. Derek showing up at her door. Walking into the living room and then..._Oh my God. Oh my God. _

"Oh my God." She looked up at Derek, clutching the Advil in her hand. He shook his head slightly, begging her not to freak out. "Oh my God."

"Meredith..."

She had said it. She really had. Stupid tequila. She had told him she loved him. How could she be so stupid? She didn't do that. She never did that. She was cold, she was hard, she was unbreakable. Stupid tequila.

Suddenly, nothing felt right. Her head was all wrong. She needed to move. She began to run. Discordantly, she wondered why she was making such a big deal out of this. As she passed pine tree after pine tree, she wondered why she was freaking out. She heard his voice behind her, calling. She heard his footsteps as he ran after her.

Her brain was telling her this was not a big deal. Her brain was telling her to calm down. But she couldn't seem to still her racing heart. It seemed to be beating in a totally random, totally out of sync rhythm. And then it hit her. She had never, ever, in all her eighteen years told someone she loved them. Not even her mother. Because why should she say it when, time after time, experience had taught her that no one would ever say it back.

_But he had. _

She stopped running. He had hadn't he? She heard his footsteps slow as he caught up to her and then come to a full stop right behind her. "Meredith," he said, out of breath.

She turned and looked at him. She studied his face very carefully. "I told you I loved you," she said.

He nodded. "Yes."

She paused. She shook her head. She studied him some more. She couldn't seem to find any words. She opened her mouth a little, but then closed it again. She turned away from him, but didn't move.

"I love you too," he said softly, suddenly.

For some reason, she felt tears come to her eyes. She wished they would go away. She lifted a hand to her mouth. "You do?" she asked and her voice came out all high and shaky.

She heard him sigh behind her. "Of course I do." He said it so bluntly, so fearlessly that she wondered why she had ever doubted him.

Finally, she looked at him. She let him see her tears. He walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her and held on tight. Her tears made dark spots on his shirt. Then, after what seemed like a long time, she pulled back. He lifted his hand and wiped the tears off her cheeks. "Why did you run?" he asked.

She shook her head and sucked in a breath. "I don't know." He didn't say anything. He knew that wasn't the truth. She bowed her head. 'Okay, maybe I do."

He reached out and lifted her chin, forcing her to look at his face. "Then why?"

"Because I was scared," she said simply. "Because I had never said it to anyone before. Because no one had ever said it to me before." The pain in his face for her was obvious. "I spent my whole life with people who didn't matter, Derek." She paused and glanced at the ground. "Remember when I told you I never had a best friend before?" He nodded. "Well, I don't think I've ever even had a friend. Not a real one." She leaned a little closer to him and he reached out and took her hand.

"You'll always have me," he said. He knew it was cornier than hell, but he wanted her to know. She nodded and leaned into him fully, letting him support her weight. She felt his arms go around her and hold her. She let her heavy head fall on his shoulder. And then they stayed like that. He didn't pull away until the light had shifted slightly.

"We should head back," she said softly. It felt strange to talk after being silent for so long.

He nodded. "We should."

xxx

"It's so far away," she said, sounding more pathetic then she had originally intended.

He smiled. "It's not that far."

She made a face. "You have to visit a lot."

"I will," he said.

"Good, because I'm not visiting you," she told him.

He gasped at her. He tried to convey his pain to her in a way that would make her really guilty. "You cut me deep, Grey. You cut me real deep."

"I am not trekking a mile through the woods just to hang out with you in a cabin that reeks of body odor only barely masked with some hideous smelling cologne," she said.

He couldn't help but laugh. "I do see your point."

She smiled triumphantly. "Good, so I'll see you tomorrow?"

"See you tomorrow."

**Ugh. I love teenage MerDer so much. Or at least my version of them. They are so cute it should be illegal. **


	7. I Still Need You

After Derek had gone, Meredith turned and made her way over to the cabin she had been assigned. According to the paper she had been given at the fifteen minute orientation session, her cabin was called Happy Beaver. The name alone made her nauseous. Happy Beaver? Come on. But what made her even more nauseous was the fact that she would have to share it with two other people. Ugh. She'd rather pitch a tent in the middle of a field then have to live and sleep in a confined space with complete strangers. She tried to tell herself that maybe it wouldn't be so bad, but it was really, really hard. Especially since all she wanted to do was curl up into a ball and go to sleep until her hangover had faded.

She found the cabin easily enough and lugged her bags up the few steps and into the door. The sight she saw made her want to run in the other direction. A bubbly blonde girl, who looked to be about her age, was balancing on a chair in an attempt to pin a Jonas Brothers poster on the walll. Meredith felt like vomiting. But she just coughed instead. The blonde almost fell over in surprise, but soon recovered. She hopped off the chair and turned, all smiles, towards Meredith. "Hi," she said, extending her hand, "I'm Izzie Stevens."

Meredith shook her hand. "Meredith Grey." She tried to smile and seem friendly, but she probably just ended up looking slightly creepy. She moved past Izzie and threw her bags onto the nearest bed.

"Oh, I was actually..." Izzie began, but Meredith had already flopped onto the mattress, half asleep. "Okay," Izzie said, clearly flustered. "I'll just switch beds."

Meredith was vaguely aware of the sound of dragging and shuffling as Izzie moved her bag to a different bed. "Sorry," she mumbled half-heartedly.

"Oh, that's okay, I'm flexible," Izzie said cheerfully. Meredith didn't respond, feeling sleep overtake her. The last thing she was aware of before slipping out of consciousness completely, was Izzie getting back onto her chair and continuing with her Jonas Brothers poster. It was going to be a long summer.

xxx

"Kill me now."

Meredith opened her eyes slowly and peered at the asian girl standing in the doorway. She yawned and sat up. The new girl either didn't see her or chose not to. Her gaze was focused on the Jonas Brothers poster. She was staring at it in disgust, which made Meredith feel a little better.

"Can we burn it?"

It took a second for Meredith to realize the girl was talking to her. "Oh, uh, I think she'd notice."

"Who? The sad excuse for a person who put this up?" the girl asked, turning her attention back to the poster. "It makes me want to vomit."

"Tell me about it," Meredith said, standing up and stretching.

The girl smirked slightly at Meredith. "So, who are you?"

Meredith didn't blink at her bluntness. In fact, it was kind of refreshing. "Meredith," she said. "You?"

"Christina. And just for the record, I've been shipped here against my will."

Meredith nodded knowingly. "Me too."

Christina smiled sarcastically. "Oh, the fun we'll have."

xxx

"Hey you guys! I was just heading over to the cafeteria, want to come?" Izzie asked. She was practically bouncing as she stood in the doorway, her blonde ponytail swinging back and forth.

"That's alright," Meredith said, glancing at Christina who was spread out on her bed, her arm hanging over the edge. "I think we'll just hang here."

"Oh, well it's kind of like a mandatory thing. The whole camp is gathering for a briefing or something," Izzie said.

Meredith sat up. "The whole camp will be there? Like the guy camp and the girl camp?"

Izzie furrowed her brow slightly. "Yeah, why?"

"Nothing," Meredith said, closing her magazine and reaching for her shoes. She glanced up at Izzie. "I think I'll go."

Christina turned towards Meredith, she looked confused and a little annoyed. "What?"

"I think I'm going to go," Meredith said, already pulling on her shoes. "You know...it's mandatory so...I just...don't want to get in trouble or something..." Meredith trailed off lamely and then stood up.

"I'm going too," Christina suddenly announced.

Meredith looked at her. "I thought you didn't want to," Meredith said.

"I don't," Christina told her as she grabbed her flip flops and slipped them on. "But I do want to find out why you suddenly want to go so badly."

Meredith shot her a glare and followed Izzie outside. "It's a beautiful day," Izzie commented thoughtfully as they made their way towards the main building where the office, first aid station and cafeteria were.

As they walked and the crowd grew, Meredith searched the faces for Derek, but didn't spot him. They filtered into the cafeteria and found seats, but even as they sat down, Meredith searched for him, craning her neck to get a look at each person who passed. "Who are you looking for?" Christina asked beside her.

"No one," Meredith said, sinking back into her seat.

"Uh-huh," Christina said. She leaned towards Meredith and narrowed her eyes. "I will find out."

Meredith opened her mouth to speak, but before she could get any words out, some guy wearing a suit and tie despite the heat had walked up to the mic positioned at the front of the room. He tapped the mic a few times, straightened his tie, pushed his glasses up on his nose and then began speaking. "Welcome everyone to camp Waukeela. Welcome to first time campers, and welcome to the veterans who have stuck with us for two, three, or four consecutive years. Welcome to counselors, new and experienced. Welcome to our dedicated staff who keep this place safe and clean. Welcome to..."

"Oh my God," Meredith whispered to Christina. "This is the most boring speech ever."

"Tell me about it," Christina murmured back.

As the speaker went on to welcome at least twelve more groups of people, Meredith continued to search the crowd for Derek. Finally, she spotted him a couple rows back. He met her gaze and smiled. She smiled back.

"And finally, welcome to Mr. Hathaway, without whom, we never would have been able to add white water rafting to our list of exciting and diverse activities." The speaker then paused, glanced down at his speech and then lifted his gaze back to the crowd. "Speaking of exciting and diverse activities, I am very pleased to announce that we have added horseback riding to our list of activities. Anyone interested should approach me or Mr. Smith or Mr. Johnson or Ms. Mackenzie or Ms. Skinner. And now I would like to move on to our camp rules and regulations..."

Meredith sighed and slumped in her seat. She could feel her eyes begin to droop as the speaker droned on and on about what not to do. Around rule 43, she drifted off and before she knew it, everyone was clapping. She started clapping automatically and glanced around her, slightly disoriented and still slightly asleep. She looked next to her at Christina and found she was asleep as well, so she elbowed her. Christina jolted awake and glared at Meredith. Meredith only smiled sweetly, already standing and filing outside with everyone else. She found Derek waiting for her by the door.

He smiled, grabbed her hand and pulled her aside. "Hi," he said once they were alone.

"Hi," she said.

"I missed you terribly," he told her. Very sincere.

"Shut up."

"Ah-ha!" Christina exclaimed appearing suddenly beside Meredith. "So this is why you so desperately had to go to the meeting." She eyed Derek from head to toe and then nodded approvingly. "Not bad."

Derek furrowed his brow slightly at Christina. "Um, hi, it's nice to meet you?" he said it like a question, extending his hand hesitantly.

"Yeah, whatever. I'm Christina and you are?"

"Derek."

"Okay, good, now that we got that over with, I've gotta run." She turned to Meredith and grinned suggestively. Meredith only glared at her.

"I'll see you in a little bit," she said, slightly forcefully. Christina rolled her eyes, but retreated.

"She's...pleasant," Derek said.

Meredith hit his arm lightly. "Shut up. She's nice."

"Oh yeah, definitely," Derek said.

Meredith shrugged. "Okay, maybe not nice, but...I like her."

"And that's all that matters," Derek said cheekily.

Meredith glared at him. "That is all that matters, thank you very much."

Derek laughed softly and opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by a woman, a counselor by the looks of her, approaching. "Excuse me, are you Meredith Grey?"

Meredith frowned. "Yes."

The woman's face immediately changed now that Meredith's identity was confirmed. Derek saw something along the lines of pity flash across her face. He suddenly felt protective of Meredith. He had a sinking suspicion that this was not going to be good news.

"I need you to come with me," the woman said, her voice soft, oozing with understanding and sympathy.

"Why? What's wrong?" Meredith asked. Derek watched as her familiar defenses came up. She took a step away from the woman, folding her arms across her chest.

"It's your mother. There was an accident."

Meredith was silent, her body rigid. Derek moved closer to her. The woman looked at Derek, seemingly noticing him for the first time. "You should be in your cabin by now," she said, glancing at her watch. "Check in is in ten minutes."

Meredith suddenly broke her stiff posture to reach for Derek's hand, clutching it tightly. "He's um...he's my...friend..." Meredith said quietly.

The woman looked unsure, but nodded her head. "Okay, you can wait outside the office for Meredith."

"My mother..." Meredith said, closing her eyes in an attempt to keep the tears at bay. "Is my mother okay?"

"I'm sorry, I don't know the details. I was just told to come find you and bring you to the office."

Meredith nodded numbly and began to follow the woman as she lead them towards the office. She didn't let go of Derek's hand, holding it tightly. He wished he could think of something to make her feel better, but nothing good came to mind. He couldn't say that it was going to be okay, because he didn't know. They reached the office and walked inside. The secretary handed Meredith a phone from behind the desk. Her face was painted with same pity that was written all over the counselor's face.

"I'll be right outside," Derek said softly. Meredith nodded and reluctantly let go of his hand, before pressing the phone to her ear.

"Hello?" she said. She wished her voice didn't come out the way it did--shaky, unsure.

"Meredith? This is your mother."

"Mom? Are you okay? What happened?" Meredith asked, her voice was almost frantic in tone.

"Oh, calm down. I'm fine. There was an accident, but I'm fine," Ellis said on the other end. "Don't even think about coming home. The cab ride alone would probably cost a fortune."

"No, mom, I want to come...I-I could get a friend or..."

"Oh, Meredith, don't be ridiculous. I'm fine. I don't need you," Ellis said. Her voice sounded very far away. "I will see you in three weeks."

"Okay, Goodb-" The dial tone cut her off before the end of her sentence. Meredith let the phone drop to her side.

"Is everything alright?" the counselor, who had been sitting in nearby, asked. "Are you going home?"

Meredith glanced at her. She shook her head halfheartedly. "No. I'm not." She lifted her arm and handed it back to the secretary. The counselor frowned and walked over to Meredith. She put a hand on her shoulder. Meredith had to fight the urge to jerk away. She didn't even know this woman. Why did she think she had the right to comfort her? To pretend like she understood?

"I have to go," Meredith said quickly, pulling away and walking through the door into the cool night air. Derek was waiting for her, just like he said and she walked straight into his arms, pressing her face into his chest. "She doesn't want me to come. She said she doesn't need me."

"Oh, Mer," Derek said, his voice soft.

Meredith pulled back slightly and looked up at him. "She doesn't need me. She doesn't need me, Derek." She paused and a little sob escaped her throat. She reached up and swiped the tears away. "Why can't...why can't she see that I still need her?"

Derek only shook his head sadly and pulled her back into his arms. He wished he could think of something to say to make her feel better. He couldn't say that it was going to be okay. Because he didn't know. He didn't know if it would.

Hehe. I'm a sucker for comfort scenes. And hug scenes. And any scene involving MerDer that is at all cute. So just FYI, you can expect a lot more of those. :-)


	8. Stay With You

Meredith didn't know how long they stood there. She was glad he didn't ask questions or pry. She was glad he didn't pull away. "You should go," she said into his chest, her arms tucked up under her.

"I'm not leaving you alone," he said, bent close to her ear.

"Derek," she said. "I'll be fine." She realized that wasn't very convincing, especially since she was clutching at him in a way that made it clear she wasn't fine at all.

He chuckled and she could feel his breath moving her hair. "Come on," he said. "I'll take you back to my cabin."

She lifted her face so she could look at him. "We'll get in trouble."

"No we won't," he said. "Trust me," he added, half smiling down at her concerned face.

She gave a slight nod and he reached down, taking her hand. He led her to the edge of the woods where a path wound into the trees. He didn't let go of her hand as they walked through the silent woods, pine needles muffling their footsteps.

A few minutes later, they emerged from the woods and Derek led her to his cabin. He walked ahead of her and pushed open the screen door quietly. She walked in and sat down on the edge of the bed. He bent down and pulled her shoes off, before pulling back the covers for her to crawl under. She settled against the pillow, facing the wall and listened as he moved around the cabin for a few more minutes.

The bed dipped slightly as he lay down next to her. He hesitated for a moment before wrapping his arms around her. She didn't pull away. She knew she probably should if she wanted their friendship to remain a friendship. But in that moment, she wanted nothing more than for him to be there with her, holding her.

xxx

"Dude, there's a chick in our room."

"What?"

"There's a girl in Derek's bed. Look."

"Sweet."

The first thing Meredith registered as she woke up was that Derek was no longer beside her. The second thing were the two faces looming at the foot of her bed.

"I think she's waking up."

"She's kind of hot."

She sat up slowly, rubbing her eyes, before focusing on the faces. She almost laughed at the pair. One was short and a little chubby, with shaggy brown hair that fell over his eyes. The other was tall and lean, with dark hair and defined features.

"Where's Derek?" she asked, squinting as her eyes adjusted to the morning light.

"Right here." Meredith turned as Derek walked though the door, carrying a paper bag and a tray with two cups of coffee in it.

Meredith smiled at the sight of him. "You left me?" she asked.

He smiled at her and held up the bag he was carrying. "Breakfast."

"So, Derek, are you going to introduce us to your friend?" the tall one asked, taking a step forward, his arms crossed over his chest, while the shorter one hung back, looking nervous.

"This is Meredith," he said quickly. "And this is Mark and George. My roommates."

The tall one, Mark, took a step forward, grinning. "Pleased to meet ya," he said with a wink.

Meredith smiled sweetly. "Oh no, the pleasure's all mine," she replied cheekily.

Mark was surprised. He took Meredith in with slightly narrowed eyes as if seeing her in a whole new light. He turned to Derek. "I like this one," he said, patting Derek on the back.

"This one?" Meredith said, turning towards Derek. "You mean there have been others?"

Mark let out a chuckle. "Not many."

"Maybe to you," Derek said. He turned back to Meredith. "My friend Mark here is what you might call a man whore."

"I resent that," Mark said.

"It's true," Derek said.

Meredith laughed at both of them. Derek smiled and handed her a muffin from the bag, which she accepted. She realized the short one, George, hadn't said anything, but when she looked around for him, she realized he had left. "Where's George?" she asked as she unwrapped her muffin.

Mark shrugged. "Who knows?"

Derek shrugged as well and sat down on the bed next to Meredith. "Don't know. I don't really know him that well."

Meredith nodded absentmindedly and took a bite of her muffin. She felt Derek's arm wrap around her waist and she turned towards him as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "You okay?" he asked softly.

She nodded and leaned into him, resting her head against his shoulder. "I am now."

xxx

Once they had finished eating, Derek led Meredith back to the trail winding through the woods. Derek reached for her hand as they walked. "So how long have you known Mark?" Meredith asked they walked.

Derek smiled at the question. "Mark and I go way back. I've known him since I was a toddler."

"How come I haven't heard of him before now?" Meredith asked.

Derek shrugged. "When I lived in New York, Mark's apartment was right down the block, but when we moved to Seattle..." He shook his head slightly, his head tilted towards the ground. "I don't know. We don't talk as much. This camp is the only time I ever see him."

"That must have been hard," Meredith said, her voice quiet.

"It was," Derek replied, his voice equally soft. "I missed him a lot. Especially when my dad died."

Meredith gave his hand a squeeze as they reached the end of the trail. They both paused at the edge of the woods. Derek turned towards Meredith. "I would walk you to your door..."

"Such a gentleman," Meredith said teasingly.

Derek smiled at her. "I just don't want to get in trouble."

Meredith nodded and took a step backwards, but Derek pulled her back. He pressed his lips to her forehead in a lingering kiss. "You sure you're okay?"

Meredith nodded. "I'll be fine."

"You know where to find me," Derek said with a smile.

Meredith nodded again and took a step away. "I'll see you tonight at the dance," she said.

He smiled and lifted his hand in a wave, before turning back down the trail.

xxx

Meredith walked up the steps of her cabin and through the door. Christina watched her with accusing eyes as she made her way over to her bed and flopped down on it. "Where were you last night?" she asked. Her voice was casual, but Meredith knew she was dying to know the answer.

She turned on her side, propping her head up with her hand and took a purposefully long time answering. "Nowhere," she said, but she couldn't conceal her grin.

"You were with Derek," Christina declared.

Meredith glanced at Izzie who was still sleeping soundly. "I was," she said.

Christina was enthralled. "What happened?"

Meredith laughed out loud. "This may come as a shock, but nothing."

Christina frowned. That was, apparently, not the juicy details she had been hoping for. "Nothing?"

Meredith nodded. "Nothing."

"You spent all night with a guy and nothing happened?"

Meredith paused at the question. Well, when you put it that way...She remembered the way his arms felt, wrapped around her. The way his body felt against hers. His hand on her hip. His lips briefly pressed to her forehead. She fell back against her bed and stared blankly at the ceiling. Was that really nothing?

"Meredith?" Christina asked. Meredith realized she had been silent for a long time. "You okay?"

Meredith shook her head vaguely. She ran her hand through her hair. "I don't know," she whispered.

xxx

Derek walked into his cabin. He was not surprised to see Mark waiting for him. He felt Mark's eyes on him as he walked over and lay down on his bed. "What do you want, Mark?" he asked after a few moments of silence.

"I want you to tell me what's up with this girl," Mark said bluntly.

Derek turned his head towards him. "Nothing," he said. "We're friends."

Mark laughed out loud. "Friends?" He said it like it was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard. "Are you serious, Derek? I saw you two together. I saw the way you looked at her."

Derek sat up and looked at his friend. "What are you talking about?"

Mark looked at his friend levelly. "You're in love with her."

"No, I'm not," Derek said, but he knew that Mark was right. He was in love with her. He knew, because he knew what a lie felt like.


	9. Losing You

Meredith barely heard a word the swarms of counselors said for the rest of that day. She sat between Christina and Izzie as the counselors droned on and on about rules and activities and lights out and meal times, but nothing really registered. She felt numb. She felt strange. She didn't how she felt. She just wanted to see Derek.

That night after showering and eating dinner, Meredith went back to the cabin and slipped into a simple red halter dress. It was fitted at the waist with a flowing skirt that came down to about her knees. She suddenly heard the door open behind her and she turned as Christina and Izzie walked in.

"Wow, Mer," Izzie said. Meredith smiled. Despite her first impression of her, Izzie really was sweet.

Christina eyed Meredith and then scowled. "You disgust me."

Meredith laughed and turned back towards the mirror, inhaling a shaky breath. She felt nervous. Why did she feel nervous? She ran her hands down her sides, smoothing the dress beneath her fingers. It's not like anything was different. It's not like anything had changed. Right?

xxx

Derek was standing at the drink table when she walked in. Mark was saying something about a hot redhead, but when he saw her, Mark's voice seemed to fade. Everything seemed to fade, in fact, as he stared at her across the room. He took her in slowly, letting his gaze fall across her body.

Her hair, her golden hair, the first thing he had noticed about her fell in soft waves just below her shoulders, framing her face. Her red dress clung to her curves perfectly, falling just below the knee and flowing around her legs as she walked. He lifted his gaze back up to her face, taking in her lips and eyes, twinkling with pleasure.

"Derek? Derek, are you even listening…Oh." Understanding dawned on Mark's face as he realized what was holding Derek's attention. Derek didn't even glance at Mark, seemingly unable to tear his eyes away from Meredith. Even as she turned and caught his gaze, dipping her head shyly, he couldn't look away. She began to walk towards him.

"Hi," she said, coming to stand in front of him.

"Hi," he replied. His throat felt dry. "You look…beautiful," he said with a slight nod. She smiled, feeling the color rise in her cheeks. She glanced at the ground then back up at his face. Her gaze was questioning, almost confused. "Do you want to dance?" he asked finally.

She nodded and took the hand he offered, their fingers intertwining easily. They walked onto the dance floor and he turned towards her. She felt almost breathless as he drew her into his arms. He placed one hand on the small of her back and with the other held her hand tightly. His touch felt electric. Heat seemed to rise wherever he touched her. She placed her hand on his shoulder and they began to move to the music.

As they danced, they seemed to draw closer and closer together until their bodies were pressed together. She drew in a breath as their hips came together, their thighs pressed together. He wrapped his arm more securely around her waist and lifted their clasped hands, resting them against his chest. She let her head fall against his chest and closed her eyes, relishing in the feeling of his body pressed against hers. It felt perfect, like they could stay like this forever.

She felt him dip his head, resting his cheek against her hair as they swayed slowly to the music. He let out a breath as she relaxed against him, letting him support her weight completely. She didn't want the song to end. She didn't want him to pull away. She didn't want to be anywhere without him.

She pulled back slightly and looked up into his face. He offered only a small smile, failing to find any words to convey how he felt. She smiled back in a way that told him she understood, at least partly, what he was trying to convey. He let his gaze dip from her eyes to the slight swell of her lips. They had never looked so tempting. She watched as he began to lean towards her, his lips slightly parted. She tilted her head towards him, her own lips parted in anticipation. Their faces were mere centimeters apart when the song faded away.

Meredith was the one who pulled away, slipping out of his arms and taking a step backwards. He watched her helplessly as she backed away from him, across the dance floor and outside.

He remained in the middle of the dance floor as couples streamed past him. He took a deep breath before making his way across the floor, following after Meredith. He emerged into the cool night air and found her, standing in a pool of artificial light, cast off from a lone lamp hung from the side of the building. She turned towards him slowly, her arms crossed over her chest against the chill of the night air.

"You're cold," he murmured, taking an instinctive step towards her.

"I'm fine," she said. She honestly didn't really notice the cold. He reached a hand towards her, but she took a step backwards. He frowned and let his arm fall back to his side.

"Meredith, what's wrong?" he asked, fully aware of the desperation in his voice.

"I'm fine, Derek," she said, but her voice came out shaky, unsure.

He sighed. His expression was pained. "I wish you would talk to me," he said. His voice was soft, almost defeated.

She shook her head, her throat tightening around the words. She felt the tears spring to her eyes and she looked at him pleadingly. "I don't know what to do," she said finally, her voice hitching slightly on a sob. His urge to touch her was so strong he had to clamp his elbows against his sides to keep from reaching for her. She paused and inhaled a shaky breath. "I don't…I can't…" She broke off and swallowed hard, swiping the tears off her cheeks with her hand. "I don't want to lose you," she finally admitted.

"You won't lose me," he told her quietly. She opened her mouth to protest, but he cut her off. "Meredith, look at me." She did. She held his gaze tentatively. "You won't ever lose me."

"You have to understand…I break hearts, Derek. It's what I do…" He shook his head quickly.

"You won't lose me," he repeated. As he gazed into her eyes, she saw something within them, something she couldn't quite grasp. "Don't you understand?" he asked, his eyes never leaving her face. "Don't you get it? I can't leave you."

"But, Derek," she said, shaking her head. "You're my best friend…You're the only person I've ever…I've ever…"

"What?" Derek asked softly.

"Loved," she finished. "I can't risk losing that. I can't risk losing you."

He didn't respond. He only gazed at her with such intensity that Meredith was struck silent. His gaze was burning, intense, searing a path into her soul. The world seemed to melt away around them as he began to move towards her. He held her gaze as he stepped towards her, reaching for her slowly. Her arms fell away to her sides as he placed his hands on either side of her face and drew her towards him. She parted her lips slightly as he pulled her ever closer. As his lips neared, she closed her eyes, giving way to the emotions flooding through her.

And then their lips touched. His mouth covered hers and her arms went around him instinctively. It started out slow, his lips moving gently against hers as he cupped her face gently. The feel of his lips against hers was electric, like nothing she ever felt before. Desire washed over her like a wave, leaving her breathless. The kiss soon gained intensity as they both were overcome by a similar longing, drawing them nearer to each other. He swept his tongue over her bottom lip and she parted her lips willingly allowing him access to what he desired for so long.

Meredith was suddenly overcome with such a flood of emotions, that she felt her knees go weak. She felt him shift his weight slightly to hold her up, moving his hands down to grasp her waist. She moved her own hands up to rest gently against his chest as their lips continued to move against each other. He swept his tongue across the roof of her mouth, before pulling back and nibbling gently on her bottom lip, eliciting an almost inaudible moan from the back of her throat.

She had never been kissed like this before. It was more than just lust, more than just raw desire. Though his kiss was hot and demanding, she could feel the love in his movements, in the way he held her. He was conscious of her, of her emotions and she felt it in his kiss. He knew what she wanted almost instinctively. She moved her hands up into the curls at the base of his neck, drawing him closer, pulling his lips down to hers. She tilted her head back, sucking on his bottom lip. He groaned a very quiet groan and then softened the kiss, until it turned into something almost romantic. He pulled back ever so slightly and pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth and then her chin.

She drew in a sharp breath as he dipped his head and pressed a kiss to her collarbone, before moving his lips up her neck and back to her mouth. He pressed one last kiss to her swollen lips, before pulling back and resting his forehead against hers. They stood like that for a long time, unmoving. She didn't even open her eyes, just rested against him, forehead to forehead, her hands resting palm out against his chest.

"I will never leave you," he whispered finally. How could he maker her understand that this was the truth? How deeply he meant it? She said she would break his heart, but what she didn't understand was that the only way his heart could truly be broken was if he lost her.

"Derek, I…"

"Don't talk," Derek said softly, cutting her off before she could back track. "Let's just go inside and dance."

She nodded and pulled away from him reluctantly. He reached down and took her hand in his and almost immediately their fingers slipped together, intertwining easily.

**So, yeah. I couldn't hold out any longer. There are only so many almost-kiss scenes a girl can write. Lol. I hope you like it! Please review! I honestly do love the input!**


	10. Under the Stars

At first, Mark couldn't quite put his finger on it. He knew something had changed between the time they had gone outside and the time they walked back inside. It was like a switch had been flipped. Something in the way he looked at her, something in the way she gripped his hand, had changed, shifted. What was it?

He was so focused on the couple, scrutinizing over their movements to detect anything different, that he didn't even notice the girl who walked over and stood beside him. "What are you doing?" she asked curiously, taking a sip of her drink.

He glanced at her, but then did a double take when he realized who it was. "Addison."

She laughed at his face. "So you do remember my name? I was beginning to wonder."

Mark sighed and glanced away from her. "What are you doing here, Addison?" he finally asked, and his tone was tired.

"This was our place, don't you remember?" she said.

Mark bowed his head and gave a slight nod. "Yeah, I remember."

"Well," Addison said, "I missed it." She paused and then inclined her head towards him. "I missed you."

"Addison, stop," Mark said, straightening up and taking a step away from her. "You broke my heart, remember? You were the one who walked away, so just…please leave me alone."

"Mark…" But he was already gone.

xxx

Derek bent his head down as they danced, pressing his cheek against her hair. "You're very quiet," he observed, his voice low.

Meredith closed her eyes and turned her face into his chest. "I know," she said.

He gathered her up in his arms, pulling her closer. "What's wrong?" he asked.

She shook her head, sliding her hands from where they rested on his shoulders, down onto his chest. "I feel so strange," she admitted softly.

He felt his heart do a flip in his chest. Did she regret it? God, he hoped not. After kissing her, he could never imagine kissing any other girl. It was odd. Who found their soul mate at the age of eighteen? It was definitely odd, but truer than anything he had ever felt before. "Good strange or bad strange?" he asked softly.

She seemed to lean more heavily against him as he asked the question. Was that a good sign? "I don't know," she said finally and her voice hitched.

He pulled away slightly and glanced down at her face. She was crying, silent tears slipping down her face. "Meredith," he said, feeling an ache in his chest.

She shook her head softly. "I'm sorry," she whispered. She was clinging to him, gripping his shirt between her fingers. He let out a breath and leaned down, pressing a kiss to her forehead. She closed her eyes as she felt his lips on her forehead and took a deep breath. Her breathing steadied slightly and she leaned back into him, resting her head on his chest.

Her heart felt so full. She loved Derek so much. But usually there was the boyfriend and then the best friend. What happened when they were the same person? She didn't want to lose any part of him. "Let's go somewhere," he said softly into her ear. She gave a slight nod and grasped his hand as he led her outside.

The night air was chilly and he relinquished his jacket, wrapping it securely around her shoulders. They walked until the sound of the dance had faded, giving way to the more subtle sounds of the woods. He brought her to a grassy patch of field on the shore of the camp's lake, where they had an unobstructed view of the sky. "This is beautiful," she told him softly, once they had sat down, settling in the grass.

"I bring all the chicks here," he said, giving her a sidelong smile. "It's a real babe magnet."

She laughed in spite of herself and felt her heart lift a little. "I'm sure it is," she said. The smile remained on her face as she lifted her face towards the sky. She wrapped her arms around her legs and leaned backwards, scanning the heavens idly.

"Meredith…" he began, but her voice cut him off.

"Did you know that starlight is billions of years old?" she asked in quiet wonder. He turned more fully towards her and took in the sight of her profile, framed against the moonlit sky. "The light of stars that are long dead still shines down on us." She paused and shook her head slightly. "It never dies," she whispered. "You can always count on it to be there. Forever. No matter what." She dropped her gaze back to the ground. The smile had gradually faded.

He frowned and turned away from her. He folded his hands in his lap. He was silent for a long time. "What am I supposed to say?" he asked quietly after a moment. She tilted her head towards him, her gaze questioning. "That I am like that starlight? That you can always count on me? That I'll be with you forever?" His tone was not cutting, but his words were.

She looked away from him abruptly, cursing the tears that immediately sprang to her eyes. "I don't want you to say that," she said defensively.

"I don't want to say those things, Meredith," he continued softly.

She looked at him. Her look was one of bewilderment. "I should go," she said. She moved to get up. "I'll go." He reached out for her hand and pulled her back down. She didn't look at him.

"I don't want to say those things, because frankly they are a little too corny for my taste." He paused and reached out, placing one finger on her chin and pulling her gaze back to his. "But that doesn't mean they aren't true."

She was speechless. She really was. It took her a moment to process his words. She laughed. "You had me fooled," she said softly, dipping her gaze to the ground.

He let his hand fall away from her face. "I'm sorry." He smiled. He leaned towards her ever so slightly. "And Meredith?"

She lifted her gaze back up to his earnest face. "Yeah?"

"I am like those stars. You can count on me. And I'll stay with you forever." He was joking, but she took it to heart. She leaned into him and rested her forehead against his chest. He kissed her hair, wrapped his arms around her and lifted his gaze towards the sky.

xxx

Addison found Mark standing outside, his hands shoved in his pockets, his gaze directed towards the sky. She stood behind him. "It's not like Mark Sloan to run away from a fight."

He didn't even look at her. "I don't want to fight with you, Addie."

"You just want to avoid me," she accused matter of factly. He turned towards her, finally.

"Yes, actually," he said.

She tried not to let her hurt show in her face. "I'm sorry, Mark. I really am."

He gazed at her levelly. He studied her face, his expression unreadable. "Why now?" he asked after a while. His voice was thick. "Why come back now?" She didn't give an answer and he didn't wait for one. "Why come back after all this time and try to make amends?" He paused. "You didn't even say goodbye, Addie. You just left." His voice was soft, genuine.

His face blurred as tears filled her eyes. "Mark, I…"

He shook his head and she fell silent. "You shouldn't be here, Addie," he told her. His tone was regretful and pained. She gave a slight nod and looked at the ground. She heard his footsteps receding into the distance and when she looked back up, he was gone.

xxx

Meredith couldn't bear the thought of going back to her cabin and being met with the questioning stares of Christina and Izzie. She wanted to tell them about it, but not tonight, so for the second night in a row, she followed Derek back to his cabin.

She stood in the middle of the room, staring down at her dress. He walked in behind her and furrowed his brow. "What's wrong?"

She looked at him. "Nothing, it's just…I can't sleep in this."

He smiled. "Then don't," he said, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

She rolled her eyes. "You're funny. Give me a shirt."

"Fine," he said, moving to his dresser, "but I liked the other plan better."

"I'll bet you did," she said, taking the shirt he handed her. When he didn't turn away she gave him a look.

"What?" he said, feigning innocence. She glared at him. "Fine, I'll wait outside."

Once he was safely outside, she slipped off her dress and pulled on the shirt quickly. She felt weird undressing in his room, surrounded by all his things. It gave her chills that she couldn't quite explain. She quickly glanced at herself in the mirror and then called out to him. He walked back inside and tried not to fall over when he saw her.

He had given her his longest shirt, but even so, it only reached about mid-thigh. His gaze fell lower, he couldn't help it. He took in her toned legs, her creamy skin, before looking back at her face, at her flushed cheeks, and slightly messy hair. He knew he was staring and managed to pull his gaze away.

"Um, so…you ready? For bed, I mean," he said, taking a deep breath.

She gave him a funny look, before turning and pulling back the covers. "More than ready," she told him, before lying down.

The minute she sank into the welcoming comfort of his sheets and rested her head against his pillow, she felt the extent of her exhaustion, both physical and emotional. She closed her eyes and began to drift off even before he lay down beside her. "Tired?" he whispered, bent close to her ear, as he settled in next to her.

"A little," she said not bothering to open her eyes.

He chuckled softly, propped up on his elbow, a smile playing on his lips as he watched her fall asleep, She was lying on her back, but her face was turned away from him, one arm resting comfortably across her stomach, the other beside her on the mattress. Her hair was splayed out across the pillow. He wanted to reach out and touch it, to run his hands through it, but he didn't want to wake her.

He smiled again and sank down on the mattress beside her. Tonight he didn't hesitate before wrapping his arms around her. He slipped one under her and resting one over her. Even though she didn't seem to fully wake up, she turned onto her side as he pulled her closer, pressing her back to his chest. He rested his arm on top of hers, which was lying across her stomach and held her hand, their fingers slipping together easily. He breathed a sigh and rested his forehead in the curve of her neck. Slowly, he fell asleep.

**Oh my God. They're so friggin' cute. I can't even take it. Okay, so did anybody else see the new freakin promo for Grey's? I freaked out when I watched it! Rose can't be pregnant, can she? And Derek can't be hurt, can he? Rose must be lying and/or mistaken and Meredith must be dreaming, right? And is it just me, or did it totally look like someone got impaled on an icicle? Okay. That was weird. Even for Shonda. **


	11. Fear You Won't Fall

Meredith didn't know why she woke up. Well, maybe she did. It was his hands. His hands, which were currently in a place they had never been before. His palm caressed her breast as he slept, his thumb grazing her nipple. She stifled a moan as he moved his hand down her side, along the curve of her hip. His fingers caressed her thigh for a moment, before moving back up and onto her stomach. She felt him push her shirt up slightly and place his palm on her bare stomach. It felt good. It felt _really _good actually. Her body wanted to do things that her mind still wasn't ready for.

She turned in his arms. As she moved, he opened his eyes slowly. He smiled as her face came into focus. He pulled her closer. "I was dreaming about lavender," he said softly, his eyes drifting shut again.

"Lavender?" she asked softly. Did he know what he had been doing?

"You smell like lavender." And something about the way he said it made her shiver. She was about to respond, but he was almost asleep now. His breathing evened out, his body relaxed, but his grasp around her never loosened. She turned on her side again and pressed her back against his chest, nestling into his warmth. His arm was around her waist, holding her close. She let herself fall back asleep.

xxx

He loved holding her while she slept. She was different when she slept. During the day, she had so many defenses, so many layers to wade through. It had taken him a while in the beginning of their relationship to finally reach her. But finally she let her guard down. Finally, she let him in. He got the feeling she didn't do that very often. But in sleep, she was defenseless, vulnerable. It was the only time she ever relaxed fully, letting her body go slack against him. In sleep, she let him protect her. She let him encircle her with his arms and hold on. He wished he could do it all day.

Now she sighed softly, shifting slightly in his arms. He pulled her closer. The rising sun cast a glow across everything. He didn't want it to be day yet. He didn't want to let her go yet. But now she was waking up. Already he could feel her body tense slightly, though she didn't pull away. Instead, she seemed to lean back more fully against him.

"I don't want it to be morning," she said softly.

"Me neither," he said.

She sighed tiredly. She moved her hand down to his, which was resting across her abdomen. She slipped her hand inside of his. He leaned forward ever so slightly and brushed his lips against her neck. She let out a breath at his touch and he was worried she would pull away, but she didn't. Instead, she turned in his arms and looked up at his face.

She lifted her hand and ran it along the side of his jaw, letting her thumb graze his lower lip, before falling away. Her gaze was curious, almost hungry. She leaned towards him and pressed a kiss to his jaw. She moved closer and rubbed her cheek against his cheek. He lay very still and waited. She was drawing back now. Her lips touched his temple, then his cheekbone, then his chin. Her movements were slow, deliberate. It was as if she were memorizing him.

He closed his eyes and felt her hands on his chest, pressing against him gently, his shirt gripped between her fingers. Now she pressed her lips to the corner of his mouth. Her lips were so soft. He opened his eyes and looked down at her. She met his gaze carefully. He saw it in her eyes right away. She was afraid. She was afraid of losing everything. This was new to her. She had never given up any part of herself to anyone. He couldn't demand everything right away. He had to wait. He would wait.

He smiled at her and drew her near. He kissed her forehead gently. She pressed her face into his chest. "Thank you," she told him. But for what, she wasn't exactly sure.

xxx

Derek walked her back to her cabin before the sun had completely risen. She felt ridiculous walking through the woods in a red dress and heels. He held her hand on the way. At the end of the path, they both stopped. Meredith turned to look up at him. He smiled and leaned towards her. For a second she though he was going to kiss her and her heart did a little flip, but he only pressed his lips to her cheek softly. She smiled and bowed her head.

"I'll see you later," he told her. She leaned forward and rested the top of her head against his chest. He kissed her hair. After a minute she pulled back and looked up into his face.

"Yeah, I'll see you later," she said. He smiled, nodded and watched her walk away.

xxx

"So what activities are you going to sign up for?" Izzie asked Meredith. They were making their way over to the cafeteria for breakfast. Meredith had managed to slip back into the cabin that morning unnoticed. When she had woken up and looked over at Christina, she had shot Meredith a questioning glance, but didn't press her for details. Meredith appreciated that.

"Oh, um, I haven't really thought about it," she said lamely.

"You should do theatre," Izzie suggested, "with me."

Meredith laughed. "I'm not much of an actress."

"You don't have to act," Izzie told her. "You could do sets or costumes or tech or something."

"I'll think about it," Meredith promised half-heartedly.

"Derek's signed up," Izzie added, almost as an afterthought.

Meredith looked at her. "What?"

"Yeah, I noticed his name on the sheet yesterday. He's auditioning."

"Seriously?" Meredith said.

"Seriously," Christina said from the other side of Izzie. Meredith glanced over at her. She nodded. "Saw it myself."

Meredith couldn't help but laugh. She was not going to let him live that down. They reached the cafeteria and walked inside. Just outside the doors was a table with all the sign-up sheets for the different activities. She scanned the lists and her gaze paused on the one for theatre. Sure enough, there was his name, scrawled quickly for the 12 o'clock audition. She smiled and looked up. She was met with Christina's accusing glare.

"What?" she asked defensively.

"Nothing," Christina said right back.

xxx

"But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?

It is the East, and Juliet is the sun!

Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,

Who is already sick with grief

That thou her maid art far more fair than she."

He was about to go on when he saw her at the back of the room. She was leaning against the wall, smirking at him. He smiled, forgetting for a moment that he was in the middle of an audition. But then one of the counselors cleared his throat and Derek snapped back into reality.

xxx

Meredith watched him as he stood on the middle of the stage, his hand to his heart, gushing words of love to an invisible Juliet. She was trying very hard not to laugh. But when he looked at her, she smiled up at him. He paused for a second until a counselor cleared his throat and he continued.

The words were beautiful. Meredith had read _Romeo and Juliet_ that year for school and had fallen in love with the language. She had read it twice before the class had even gotten halfway through the book. Meredith wasn't exactly the model student, but she did have a soft spot for books. She loved to escape into the pages, get lost in the characters, in the words, rich and passionate.

Derek made a good Romeo. He seemed to understand the words. He seemed to believe them. It made sense, really. He was the guy who believed in true love. He was the guy who believed it was possible for two people to fall in love and stay together forever.

It is my lady! O, it is my love!

O, that she knew she were!

He looked at her then and an exulted little shiver ran through her. She thought she saw a hint of a smile pass across his lips.

xxx

He finished his speech, did a little wave at the counselors and walked off the stage. He began to make his way towards her. She met him halfway. "Bravo," she told him teasingly. "You make an excellent Romeo."

"I'm glad you think so," he said. She paused slightly at his words, but quickly shook the feeling off. They began to make their way outside.

"You believe it don't you?" She hadn't really meant to ask him, but the words had slipped out. She was amazed by his ability to believe. To let go.

"Believe what?"

"The words," she answered quietly.

He turned his head towards her as they walked. "I do," he told her truthfully. "Do you?"

She smiled. "I want to."

**Sorry this update is short. And sorry it's been a while since I've updated. I just started school and am freaking out a little. But now it's the weekend (Yay!) and I can write about stuff that doesn't involve what some really old guy did a long time ago (I don't care if it's what shaped the present, history is boring). Anyway, I'm getting off track. I'll try to update again tomorrow. 12 days until Grey's is back!! Who saw the sneak peek where it looks like Derek is dead? I know it's a dream and yet I was basically sobbing. Why is Shonda making us live out our worst nightmare? It's just so cruel. **


	12. Guess I'm Doing Fine

"So, seriously, what is going on with you and Derek?"

Christina and Meredith were walking back to their cabin that night. Meredith looked over at her friend. She hesitated. "I, uh….don't know." And then, suddenly, she realized that wasn't a lie. She really didn't know.

Christina glared at her. "You expect me to believe that?"

Meredith shook her head. "I really just…don't know." She paused. "He's my best friend," she said with a shrug. That was the truth. She knew that much.

"So there's nothing between you?" Christina asked. She asked the question like she already knew the answer.

"No," Meredith said with a small smile. "It's definitely not nothing."

"Could you be any vaguer?"

"Maybe."

"You're infuriating."

xxx

Mark walked along the edge of the lake, happy to have a moment alone. Derek knew something was wrong. Of course he knew, but Mark didn't want to talk about it and Derek wouldn't let it go. He was surprised he hadn't seen Addison. He wondered if she had left. God, he hoped so. He couldn't go through that again. It hurt too much the first time.

He walked out onto the dock, all the way to the edge and peered over the edge at the dark water. The moon's reflection was a perfect silver disk in the middle of the water. Mark sat down and swung his legs over the edge. The bottoms of his bare feet barely skimmed the water.

"You're sitting in my spot."

Mark didn't turn around. Maybe if he didn't acknowledge her presence she would simply disappear. He heard her footsteps approaching. He closed his eyes. No such luck. "Addison, not now," he said.

"Stop pushing me away, Mark," she said behind him. Her voice was weary. "Please, let me explain."

"Why should I?" he asked. He didn't mean to sound so nasty.

"Because you love me." She caught herself before he could object. "Or at least you used to."

"It was a long time ago," Mark said.

She was silent for a while. "So that's it? _It was a long time ago. _That's all I get?"

"Leave it be, Addie."

"You're not even going to give me a chance to explain myself?"

"You don't need to explain anything," Mark said quickly, his voice was steady, emotionless. "You left. You didn't love me. End of story."

She sighed. It was an exasperated sound. An odd feeling suddenly clouded his chest. For the first time, he thought that maybe there was more to the story. "You're an idiot, Mark. You're an idiot." She let out a breath. "That's what you think? That I didn't _love _you?"

"You left, you didn't say goodbye…"

"Not because I didn't care." Her voice had dropped to a pained whisper. "Don't ever think I didn't care." He finally turned and looked at her. And for the first time, he saw it in her face. _There was more to the story. _She shook her head at him sadly. "I have to go," she said softly.

He got to his feet and faced her. "Why did you leave?" The corners of her mouth turned downwards. "Please, just tell me why."

She bowed her head and he could see the tear streaks on her cheek. "Goodbye, Mark."

"Addie…"

xxx

Meredith decided that she did not want to be in a relationship with Derek. She decided that the boyfriend/girlfriend thing wasn't for them. She knew from experience that that never ended well. It ended in sadness and heartbreak and loneliness. So they wouldn't do it. Meredith had a plan. It was a good plan.

Then why was she a nervous wreck? And she was. No matter how many times she told herself that she was making the right choice, she still felt an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. She felt slightly nauseous, and slightly uncomfortable, and slightly unbelievably, blissfully happy. What was that called? Oh yeah, love.

Whenever she thought about her plan, she would also think about Derek. And for some reason, lately, she couldn't think about Derek without thinking about his lips. And his tongue. And the way his body felt against her. It was making things very difficult.

xxx

In the middle of the night, someone knocked on the cabin door. Izzie immediately let out a little shriek. "What if it's an axe murderer?" she whispered breathlessly.

"Keep your panties on Barbie, it's just Derek," Christina said.

Meredith sat up in bed. "It is? How do you know?"

"Because I can see him," Christina replied dryly.

Meredith hopped off her bed and opened the door. Sure enough, there was Derek, standing on the top step, grinning. "Hey," she said, feeling her lips curve into a smile to match his.

"Hey," he said. He was breathless.

They just looked at each other for a minute, his piercing blue gaze, probing her own. She half smiled at him, his intent look warming her. Finally, she dipped her head, breaking eye contact. He took a step towards her. "What're you doing here?" she asked.

He waited for her to look at him. When she did, he shrugged. "I wanted to see you," he told her honestly. She smiled, she couldn't help it. She wanted to kiss him.

She reached out her hand and placed it palm-out against his chest. He covered her hand with his and drew her closer. She could feel his heartbeat vibrating against her fingers. She watched their intertwined fingers instead of his face. He squeezed her hand gently. "I, uh…" She broke off as he drew her closer. "How was the audition?"

"You know," he said, his voice was low.

She glanced up at him. "What?" She wasn't exactly sure what she had asked.

"You know how it was."

"Oh. Right." She paused. She took another step towards him. "I meant…I meant, did you get a callback?"

He nodded. "I did."

"Oh. That's…good…" Their bodies were almost touching now. He was still holding her hand against his chest. His heartbeat had sped up slightly. She looked up at him. "That's…" His lips cut her off. She let out a little breath as he his mouth brushed up against hers, his breath warm and enticing against her lips. She pressed herself up against him and kissed him deep and full.

A part of her was still scared. A part of her still didn't know if she wanted to be doing this. When she was alone, she was very rational. When she was alone, she had a plan. But then he showed up and he looked at her and he smiled and she forgot everything. Except his lips.

He moved his arms around her, slowly running his hands down her back. She pressed herself closer to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. She noted disjointedly how soft the curls at the base of his neck were. God, this felt good. Like they could do it forever.

Forever. The rest of their lives. Right on queue, that uneasiness seeped back into the pit of her stomach. She pulled away abruptly. "What?" he asked. His voice was a whisper.

She looked at him. She was fully aware of the fact that she was on the verge of freaking out. "Nothing," she lied quickly. She paused. "I…" She shook her head. "No, it's nothing."

"Then why are you over there while I'm over here?"

"Because…" He was confusing her. She didn't want to feel this way. "Because we are."

The amused expression on his face faded away. "Meredith…"

"I'm fine, Derek," she said, wringing her hands together.

He nodded tiredly, watching her with a level expression. "Of course you are."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He raised his hands in defeat. "You're always fine, Meredith! You're always fine, except you aren't." She knew, of course, exactly what he was talking about, but her face remained expressionless. "Why won't you let me in? Why can't you understand that I will never leave you?" A heavy sigh escaped him. "I just want to love you and take care of you…I just…" His shoulders fell. His mouth was a straight line. "That's all I want."

She felt the uneasiness rising into her chest. It was a feeling somewhere along the lines of claustrophobia. "I…I have to go…"

"Meredith…"

"I should go."

He nodded. He wore a defeated expression on his face. "Okay." And for some reason, that one word broke her heart more than all the others.

xxx

She stepped back into her cabin. She closed the door and leaned against it, squeezing her eyes shut. With a mighty sigh, she slid to the floor. When she opened her eyes again she was met with the wide-eyed gazes of both Izzie and Christina.

"Meredith…" Izzie breathed.

"Please, don't say anything," Meredith said quietly, lifting herself off the floor and walking back over to her bed. She lay down and turned towards the wall.

"Oh yeah, that was definitely nothing."

And even after everything had fallen silent, Christina's voice seemed to echo across the walls.

**So. Got a little MerDer angst going on. What do ya'll think? Like it? Hate it? Please review!!**


	13. And Then You

Meredith could hear her heartbeat in her ears. A loud swooshing sound that drowned out the more peaceful sounds of the forest. But she had to see him. She couldn't sleep knowing that he was mad at her. She had tried to sleep, but she couldn't until she explained. She had never felt like this before. This overwhelming need to make him _understand _was foreign to her. Usually, she didn't care what people thought. Usually, she went through life blindly, not caring about, well, anything really. But he was making her see things she hadn't before.

She was breathing heavily by the time she reached the end of the trail. She hurried in the direction of his cabin, but just as she was rounding the edge of the cabin neighboring his, she stopped. She heard a voice. A distinctly female voice. She peered around the edge of the cabin she was hiding behind in time to see Derek standing on his stoop hugging a tall, leggy redhead. Anger and hurt and jealousy swelled in Meredith's chest. It was a very unpleasant feeling. She wished it would go away. She wished she didn't care this much. She had trusted him. She had loved him. She knew she shouldn't have. It always ended like. Always.

Meredith reached up and swiped the tears out of the corners of her eyes. She would not cry over this. She turned on her heal and was so preoccupied that she barely saw Mark until she had already slammed into him. "Meredith?" he said, clearly surprised. "What are doing lurking in the shadows?"

"I was going to see Derek, but I...I'm leaving now."

"Is he there?" Mark asked peering around her shoulder.

Meredith could barely conceal her scoff of contempt. "Oh yeah, he's there."

Mark refocused on her face. "What's going on with you two?" He smiled like a much more mature, much more knowledgeable older brother. "Did you have a fight?"

"No. Well, yes. I mean...I don't know."

"You don't know?" Mark smiled at me as she glared at him. "Come on," he said suddenly, grabbing my arm and dragging me out from the shadows.

"Mark!" Meredith whispered loudly. "Let go. I don't want to see him."

"If you two kids are having fight, the only thing to do is talk it out," he said, his voice laced with sarcasm.

"But I don't want to talk to him," Meredith reasoned, fighting his hold on my arm.

"Oh, but you will."

"Mark! I don't-"

Mark stopped suddenly and Meredith once again slammed into him. "Mark, what the hell? Why did you-"

The words died on Meredith's lips when she lifted her gaze to the cabin's stoop and found the redhead standing next to Derek, looking at Mark in a weirdly intense way. Meredith glanced at Mark who was standing, seemingly frozen, staring at the redhead with same intense expression on his face. "Addison," he said.

"Mark," Addison said.

"Meredith," Derek said.

"Derek," Meredith said.

A moment of awkward silence ensued. Meredith looked at the ground.

"What are you doing here?" Mark and Derek asked simultaneously.

"I wanted to see you," Meredith and Addison answered simultaneously.

Derek looked at Addison. Mark looked at Meredith. Meredith looked at Derek. Derek stepped off the stoop and walked towards Meredith as Mark stepped forward towards Addison. "Come here," Derek said quietly. He reached for Meredith's hand, but she shrugged it away. He looked at her curiously, but lead her into the shadows at the side of his cabin. "What's going on?" he asked.

It was a reasonable question, but Meredith couldn't seem to find words. There were so many emotions swirling around her chest that she couldn't decide where to start. She went with anger. It was easiest. "Why didn't you tell me you had a girlfriend?" she asked him.

He looked confused. "Girlfriend?"

"The redhead," Meredith said, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Addison?" Derek asked.

"Yeah, Addison. I saw you with her," Meredith said. "Why didn't you tell me? Why did you let me-" She realized she couldn't finish that sentence. She could say "fall in love with you", because that would be admitting that she had actually _fallen in love with him. _"Why didn't you tell me?" she finished lamely.

"I didn't tell you, because there's nothing to tell," Derek said his voice level. "Addison's an old friend. Not a girlfriend."

"Oh," Meredith said, looking at the ground.

Derek dipped his head, trying to catch her gaze. "But that's not why you came here," he said softly.

Meredith shook her head. "No." She shuffled her feet nervously and then looked back up at him. "I came here because I felt horrible. I felt horrible for pushing you away. Because, the thing is, I don't want to push you away. I really want to do the opposite of pushing you away, but I was scared so it might've seemed as if I really did want to do the thing that I actually didn't want to do." She looked at him helplessly. She was scared it was the best she could do.

He nodded. He understood. "So what you're trying to say is that you're scared."

She nodded. "Yeah, pretty much."

He smiled at her. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay."

She smiled. "Okay."

"Stop saying okay."

"Okay. Crap."

He let out a low chuckle and reached out, brushing the hair out of her face. She leaned into his touch almost imperceptibly, her eyelids sliding shut. "So when you thought Addison was my girlfriend?"

"Mmmhmm," Meredith said softly, her eyes still closed.

"You were jealous."

Meredith opened her eyes and looked at him. "No I wasn't."

He nodded and moved closer to her. "You so were."

"Fine, maybe I was a little jealous...but only a little..."

"Mmmm," he said, taking another step closer to her.

"Okay I was really jealous, but what's wrong with that?"

Derek shook his head. "Nothing," he said softly. "I kind of liked it."

"I'm sure you did," Meredith mumbled as her back hit the side of the cabin. He closed the remaining space between them, pressing his body against hers gently. She let out a breath bordering on a moan and placed her hands on his chest. He smiled softly and reached out, running his thumb along her cheek. "Derek..." she whispered.

"Yeah?"

"I think you better take a step back," she said.

He frowned and met her gaze. "Why?"

"Because if you don't, I'm not sure we'll be able to stop," she told him honestly.

He considered her for a second, knowing she was right. But God, he wanted it. He wanted her. So badly. But he took a step back anyway. She smiled up at him and he leaned towards her, pressing a kiss to her forehead. She smiled and reached down to take his hand. They began making their way around to the front of the cabin when they heard Mark and Addison's voices, raised slightly in an argument. Meredith looked at Derek. "Want to go to my cabin?"

He nodded. "Might be a good idea."

xxx

"This is a good change from my place," Derek said as they approached her cabin. "I like it. Mix it up."

"Derek, the cabins are practically identical," Meredith replied as they walked up the steps. "Now be quiet. I don't want to wake up Izzie and Christina."

They walked in and since both were already in their pajamas, got into the bed almost immediately. Derek let Meredith settle, before he lay down behind her and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her back against his chest. Meredith sighed happily and intertwined their fingers resting across her stomach. "Good night, Derek," she said softly.

"Night, Mer."

xxx

"Christina we should leave them alone."

"No, I don't want to leave. It's early. This is my cabin too."

"Come on, Chris."

A sigh. "Fine."

This was the conversation that Derek woke up to and by the time he was fully conscious they were already out the door. He smiled to himself and snuggled back into Meredith, pressing his face into the back of her head, inhaling her intoxicating lavender scent. Without even thinking about it, he began to move his hand across her stomach, lifting her shirt a little to touch her bare skin. She shifted in his arms as his fingers grazed her stomach. She opened her eyes and shivered slightly at the sensations coursing through her body.

"Nice way to wake up," she mumbled.

Derek laughed softly. "Are you being sarcastic?"

"Not at all," she told him. She turned in his arms and looked up in his face. If she didn't know any better, she would think that fluttery feeling in the pit of her stomach was desire.

Watching his face carefully, she moved closer to him until their bodies were pressed together, her breasts pressed to his chest, their legs intertwined. He let out a little groan and wrapped his arms around her, applying gentle pressure to her lower back as a way of telling her not to stop. She shifted her hips against him and felt a little flare of desire shoot through her. "Mer..." he said. His voice sounded funny. It was lower than usual.

"Yeah?" she said distractedly. She was more focused on the way his body felt against hers. It felt good.

"I think we should stop," he said, although every fiber in his being was telling him not to.

She closed her eyes and moved closer to him. Her hips seemed to know how to move without really asking her. "Mer..." Derek warned again, reached down to still her movements. "We should stop." She began to pull away, but he held her still. "It's not that I don't want to keep going, because believe me I do. I really, really do. But you told me you're scared and I don't want to drive you away and..." He groaned in frustration.

"Derek," she said. "You're right. We should...we should take things slow."

He smiled and nodded. "Slow. Okay."

"Okay."

**I like this chapter a lot more than the last one. Meredith has to be scared, because she's Meredith, but for this story, it doesn't really make sense for them to be apart. They're each other's best friend, not just potential boyfriend/girlfriend. Anyway, I hope you liked this.**

**Oh, by the way, I love reviews more than life itself. Well, maybe not that much, but I am very fond of them.**


	14. All I Need

**To whom it may concern: Don't worry, I have a plan for Alex to enter the story. It's a good plan I think. It involves Izzie, of course. So keep an eye out for him!**

Once Derek and Meredith disappeared around the edge of the cabin, Mark turned his attention back to Addison, regarding her with slightly narrowed eyes. "You shouldn't be here," he said, walking towards the steps where she standing.

"I wanted to see you."

"Why? So you could beg for my forgiveness," he shook his head. "You broke my heart and didn't tell me why. Why should I forgive that?"

"You don't know the whole story, Mark," Addison said.

Mark walked to the first step and stood there, looking up at her. "Then tell me. What is the whole story? I'm dying to hear."

His bitterness caught her off guard. She frowned at him, the corners of her mouth falling downward. "Not here...not like this..."

"Well then give me a time and a place and I'll be there," Mark said. He paused and considered her for a second. "I'll be there. I promise." He reached up and ran his fingers through his hair. He turned away from her and tilted his head first to the sky and then to the ground. Then, abruptly, he turned back to face her. "Where have you been Addie?" he asked quietly. "Where have you been all this time? Because me, I've been right her. _Right here_. You had every chance in the world to come find me. Every chance in the world to talk to me, because I've been right here. I wasn't the one running away. That was you. That was _your_ job. I was the one left behind. I was the one whose heart got broken. And now you show up and I..." He fell silent suddenly and shrugged his shoulders. "I've been right here," he whispered, his voice strained.

Addison walked down the steps and stood in front of him. "I can't tell you why I left. Not now at least. I will, but not here, not now. I just...I just miss you, you know? I miss my best friend. And I wanted to see you. You have to understand Mark, when I left...when I left it wasn't because I wanted to hurt you. It wasn't because I wanted to break your heart. I just had to go, okay?" She paused and looked into his imploring face. When she began speaking again, her voice was soft. "I never wanted to hurt you." She paused and then continued with a slight shrug of her shoulders. "I love you. Never think that I don't, because of course I do, of course I love you."

Mark swallowed and just looked at her for a moment. He had missed her too. He broke the silence with a sigh and sat down on the bottom step. She sat down next to him. He rested his elbows on his knees and rested his forehead in his hands. He was tired. He was tired of fighting. He was tired of missing her. "What happened, Addie? Why did you leave without saying goodbye?" He paused, feeling the tears rising in his throat. His dropped his voice to a whisper. "Please, please just tell me why."

Addison tilted her head towards him and smiled a sad, nostalgic smile. "I had to leave," she told him. She reached out and touched his jaw lightly with her fingertips. He watched her closely as she swallowed and let her hand fall away. She shook her head. "I just...I had to go. I had to deal with...life."

"Addie, please," he said softly.

She sighed and looked away from him. She was quiet for a long time. He watched her, his gaze steady as she bowed her head and looked at the ground. When she lifted her face, a small smile graced her lips. "I'll see you later, Mark." And with that, she was gone.

xxx

Christina watched Meredith very carefully as she ate her bagel. She watched her take a bite and then put it back on her plate. She watched her take a sip of orange juice. Something was different. Something was definitely different, she just couldn't figure out what. "What's wrong with you?" Christina asked bluntly, squinting slightly at Meredith as if trying to solve a particularly difficult puzzle.

Meredith looked up at her. "Nothing."

Christina frowned and leaned back in her chair. She pointed at Meredith accusingly. "You're different."

Meredith sighed at her friend. "No I'm not."

"You so are."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you-"

"Oh my God! Shut up!" Izzie suddenly burst out. Meredith and Christina both looked at her. "Maybe the difference you see in Meredith, Christina, is something called happiness. It's an emotion. Have you ever heard of it?"

"No, I've only heard of bitter, cynical, and sarcastic," Christina said dryly, ticking them off on her fingers.

Meredith laughed. "That's what I thought."

Christina scowled at her, but after a beat she looked back up at Meredith, reconsidering. "So, you're happy?"

Meredith smiled. "Maybe."

"We are so not friends anymore."

"Shut up."

xxx

That evening as Izzie, Meredith and Christina walked up to their cabin, Meredith saw a note pinned to their screen door. She walked over and looked at it.

_Meet me at the lake. -Derek_

Meredith smiled and pulled the pin out of the note, tucking it into her pocket. She pulled the screen door open and all three of them walked inside. Christina flopped down on her bed, Izzie sat cross-legged on the floor, and Meredith slipped out of her sweats and pulled on a pair of jeans. "Where're you going?" Izzie asked.

"Probably off for some moonlight lovin' with McDreamy," Christina said.

"Who's McDreamy? Derek?" Izzie asked, looking over at Meredith who who was scowling at Christina.

"Derek isn't dreamy," she said.

"Mmmhmm," Christina said.

"Shut up," Meredith told her, glancing in the mirror. "Okay, so I'll see you guys later," she said with a smile, before walking outside.

xxx

Meredith saw the glow of the lights before she even reached the lake. As she neared the dock she realized Derek had draped Christmas lights along the edge of a row boat. It was the kind of thing she had come to expect from him. Meredith smiled to herself as she watched the lights winking and twinkling in the distance as the boat bobbed in the water.

He was sitting on the edge of the dock, his legs swinging in the air over the water. He turned when he heard her footsteps on the wooden planks of the dock. "Hi," he said, standing up as she walked towards him.

"Hi," she said. She glanced at the boat and smiled, shaking her head slightly. "What did you do?"

"I hung Christmas lights on a row boat," he told her.

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to."

She nodded her head slightly and looked back at his face. "I don't think taking moonlit boat rides is something that friends do," she told him and she was only half-joking.

"What are you talking about? Friends do this. I know Mark and I do it all the time," he said, nodding seriously.

"You're such a liar," she told him, smiling.

He smiled back and took a step towards her, reaching for her hand. "Just go for a boat ride with me, Mer," he said softly.

She took his hand and he led her over to the edge of the dock where the boat was tied. He hopped on first and then turned back towards her, placing his hands on her hips and lifting her into the boat easily. He set her down in front of him and she placed her hands on his chest to steady herself. She looked up in his face. "Thank you," she told him softly.

He smiled at her. "You're welcome."

xxx

"This is nice," she told him softly.

"It is," he agreed.

They were lying on their backs in the middle of the boat, staring up at the sky, as the boat bobbed gently in the middle of the lake. Derek had brought blankets and pillows to keep them warm. She turned her head towards him and looked at him wonderingly. "No one's ever done something like this for me," she told him suddenly. She hadn't meant to sound so pathetic. "I mean, I've had boyfriends and stuff, but the most romantic gesture they ever made was leaving a Hallmark card in my locker on Valentine's Day."

Derek smiled. "You think this is romantic?"

"Well, yeah," she said. When he didn't respond she paused and pulled away slightly. "You don't?"

"No, I do," he told her.

"Well okay then," she said somewhat defensively. She settled back against her pillow. "Why did you do this?" she asked after a moment.

"Because I wanted to," he told her.

"Derek," she said.

"No, really. I wanted to show you what it could be like," he said.

"What what could be like?"

"A relationship," he told her. "There's more to it than cheesy Hallmark cards on Valentine's Day."

"But, Derek, we're not in a relationship," she said.

"Mmmm," he said softly, considering her for a moment.

"We're not," she said again.

He nodded. "Okay."

She scowled at him and then turned her head towards the sky again. "What would it be like?" she asked after a while.

He looked at her. "What would what be like?"

She tilted her head towards him thoughtfully, folding her hands across her stomach. "What would it be like if we were in a relationship? I mean, we already spend all our time together; we already tell everything to each other." She paused and shrugged. "What would be different?"

He smiled and turned on his side. She mimicked his actions so that they were facing each other. "Well, there would be kissing," he said softly. "Lots and lots of kissing."

She smiled. "We're good at that."

"We are," he agreed. "We would be happy," he added after a moment. "You would be all mine and we would be happy."

"All yours?" she asked softly.

He nodded. "All mine."

Her eyes dipped to his lips as he gazed down at her. "But we're not in a relationship," she murmured softly.

"No, we're not," he said softly. He leaned towards her. She let out a little breath as he moved closer. She could feel the heat radiating off his body. "But we could be."

She nodded absentmindedly and felt her breath grow shallow as he leaned towards her and pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth. She parted her lips and closed her eyes, feeling the slight wetness of his kisses as he moved his lips across her cheek. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer until the length of their bodies was touching. She moaned quietly as their bodies came together and placed her hands against his chest, feeling his heartbeat beneath her fingertips.

Then, finally, smiling softly, he kissed her parted lips, brushing against them once and then twice before kissing her firmly. He groaned a very quiet groan as she ran her tongue along his bottom lip and parted his lips willingly. As the kiss deepened he moved his hands across her back, molding her against him by applying gently pressure to her spine.

She felt her desire flare up as his hands roamed her body, as his tongue roamed her mouth. She moved her hips against his almost instinctively and she heard his sharp intake of breath. "Mer..." he whispered.

She paused her movements and pulled away from him slightly. He watched her carefully as she unbuttoned the top buttons of his shirt and moved her hands inside. He let her explore his chest and shoulders and back, her fingers lightly grazing his skin, before reaching up and catching her hands in his. "We should stop," he said and he leaned forward and kissed her.

"We should," she murmured, her voice a slightly raspy. She pressed her lips to his again. "But I don't want to," she admitted quietly. He smiled warmly at her and lay back against the pillows, gathering her up in his arms. She sighed softly and rested against his chest.

"There are things I want to do with you very badly," he told her quietly. "But we have to go slow. We'll have time for all these things and we'll be happy," he said.

She giggled softly into his shirt. "Very happy," she agreed softly.

**Sorry I haven't updated in so long, but school is basically kicking my ass. I have random long weekend, though, so I'll try to update again! Review!! **


	15. Hold You in My Arms

**So just so ya'll know, this chapter definitely pushes the T rating. They don't have sex, but they come kinda close so...just be warned. However, that said, this is one of my favorite chapters so far so I'd love to get some feedback!**

That night when Derek got back to his cabin, he found Mark sitting on the steps. He made his way over to his friend and sat down next to him. Mark only glanced at him before shifting his gaze back to the sky. Derek sighed. "You okay?" he asked.

Mark nodded his head and half-smiled. "Yeah. I'm okay."

"Have you forgiven her?"

Mark shook his head. "I want to," he admitted quietly. "But she...She hurt me in a way that I..." He broke off and bowed his head. "I don't ever want to feel that again."

Derek nodded his head. "It's there for a reason you know."

Mark looked at him. "What?"

"The pain," Derek answered. "I mean, you meet someone, you jump and sure, it hurts when you hit the ground...but you have to admit--the fall is pretty wonderful. And plus, maybe next time you won't hit the ground. Maybe you'll just...fall forever."

Mark looked at his friend for a minute before bursting into a fit of laughter. "You're so full of shit."

Derek shrugged. "What?"

"What has Meredith done to you?" Mark asked.

Derek smiled. "She made me jump."

"Oh God, enough with the metaphor," Mark said.

Derek laughed. "Fine. But seriously, think about it. Or else you'll just be a man whore the rest of your life."

"Well, my friend, if the alternative is you, I think I'm okay with that," Mark said with a smile.

Derek stood up, laughing. "Whatever, Mark," he said walking over to the door. He reached for the handle, but paused, the door half open. Mark turned to look at him. Derek shook his head at him. "You're not," he said.

Mark furrowed his brow at him. "I'm not what?"

"Fine," Derek replied, before walking inside.

xxx

"Meredith, you ready yet?" Izzie called.

Meredith appeared in the doorway, hastily putting on lip gloss. "I'm ready," she said, glancing in the mirror one last time to fix a few strands of wayward hair, before pushing open the screen door and joining Izzie and Christina at the bottom of the steps.

As they walked towards the big barn where the dance was being held, Meredith kept glancing at Izzie. She seemed different; she was practically glowing with happiness. "You okay, Iz?" Meredith finally asked.

Izzie glanced at her. "Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well for one, you can't stop smiling," Meredith said.

"Yes I can," Izzie said, but even as she said it, her smile grew into a grin.

Meredith shook her head at her. "What's going on, Iz?"

Izzie glanced at her as they walked. Meredith knew she couldn't resist spilling. It was something Meredith both loved and hated about Izzie. "I met someone," she finally burst out.

Beside her, Christina scoffed. "Not just someone, a counselor."

"Izzie!" Meredith said. "You know counselors are off limits."

"I know, but he...he just..." she trailed off. She looked as if she was going to burst into a fit of giggles at any moment. Meredith found herself smiling at her, just because she was. "I don't know...I just really like him."

"But you could get into so much trouble..." Meredith said, hating to be the devil's advocate.

"I know," Izzie said. She paused suddenly and turned to towards Meredith. Meredith looked at her. "Now I know how you feel, Mer," she said.

Meredith smiled at her. _How I feel. _Meredith shook her head as Izzie turned to say something to Christina, her cheeks flushed with happiness, her eyes twinkling. Meredith considered her for a second. _Do I really look like that? _She shook her head in wonder. Because, the truth was, Meredith couldn't remember the last time she had been truly happy.

xxx

Derek spotted her immediately when she walked in. He noted, with a hint of jealousy, that half the guys in the room noticed her as well. He couldn't really blame them; she was gorgeous. She didn't seem to notice, though. As soon as she saw him, she made her way towards him, not even glancing away from his face as heads turned in her direction. He smiled. That made him feel good.

"Hi," she said, when she reached him.

"Hi," he said, smiling at her.

They simply looked at each other for a minute, their gazes unwavering, and then she took a step towards him. He tilted his head down as she moved into his body, placing her hands on his chest. He swallowed, looking down into her face. "Want to um...dance?" he asked, his voice shaking only slightly.

She smiled. "Yeah, I'd like to _um_ dance," she replied.

He smiled as he reached down to take her hand. "Are you mocking me?"

She shrugged. "Maybe a little."

"I resent that," he told her.

"You'll get over it," she said. "It's good for your ego."

"My ego," he informed her as they turned towards each other, "is just fine thank you."

She shook her head at him, moving into his body as he placed one hand on her waist and held her hand with the other. She let out a little breath as they began to move, their bodies pressed together. It was hopeless. It really was. She and Derek couldn't _not _be in a relationship. Every time she saw him all she could think about was kissing him and the way his body felt against hers and all other equally inappropriate thoughts. Inappropriate, that is, if they were being thought about someone's best friend. Not so inappropriate if they were being thought about someone's boyfriend. The thing was, Meredith still wasn't sure which one Derek was.

She was pulled from her thoughts as Derek pulled her ever closer, his fingers spreading across her lower back, his breath warm against her hair as he rested his cheek against the side of her head. He turned his head to the side and pressed his lips to her cheek briefly. She closed her eyes and moved her hands into the curls at the base of his neck as he slipped both of his arms around her waist. "Derek..." she whispered.

"Yeah?" he murmured.

"Want to go for a walk?" she said.

He pulled back from her and nodded mutely as she reached down and took her hand, leading her outside. As if moving with one accord, they made their way towards the shore of the lake and sat down in the grass. Faint strains of music drifted towards them across the water. "You know what?" she said after a minute or two of comfortable silence.

He turned his head towards her. "What?"

"You make me really happy," she told him, her chest tight.

His face softened as he took in her face. "You make me happy too," he said, tilting his head to the side. She smiled at him as he reached out, stroking her cheek with his thumb.

He was silent for a minute, his thumb gently running over the soft skin of her jaw. "Can I kiss you?" he asked her quietly.

She smiled and nodded. "Yeah, you can kiss me," she replied. He began to lean towards her, drawing her face closer, his hand still resting on her cheek. As his lips drew near, she closed her eyes and parted her lips in anticipation. It seemed like an eternity passed before his lips finally touched hers in a whisper-soft kiss that was over all too quick.

She opened her eyes. "Derek..." she murmured, lifting her hand to his chest and gripping his shirt between her fingers.

He smiled and leaned towards her again, pressing a kiss to her cheek and to each of her closed eyelids and to the tip of her nose and chin and then, finally, to her mouth. She moaned softly as she felt the wetness of his tongue on her slightly parted lips and the pressure of his hands on her back, gently coaxing her into his arms. She gave into him, to everything she was feeling and let him pull her on top of him on the grass.

She let out a little breath as their bodies came together, fitting against one another perfectly. As his lips moved across her neck, she silently contemplated how each part of her body felt: from her toes, brushing the grass lightly, to her legs, pressed to his thighs, to her stomach, to her breasts, and to her lips, swollen from his kisses. She pulled back from him ever so slightly and lifted her hands to the side of his face, smiling faintly as she felt his stubble beneath her palms and the softness of his lips as she ran her thumb over his mouth.

He lifted his own hands to her face as well and, as if in a daze, brushed the hair out of her face and traced the curve of her cheek and the slight swell of her lips with his fingers. She smiled and pressed a kiss to his fingertips, before leaning down and kissing him firmly. The kiss deepened quickly and he ran his tongue along her lips, before pulling back slightly and nibbling on her lower lip, eliciting a low moan from Meredith.

As his lips worked their magic, she could feel desire pooling in the pit of her stomach. Its intensity almost scared her, but this, what they were doing, felt too good for her to stop. She knew they should, but every time she was about to pull away, every time she was about to tell him to slow down he would kiss her or move his hand down her side and she would forget.

After a while, he began to move his hips underneath her and she dipped her head, letting out a little gasp. He immediately paused his movements to make sure she was okay, but she shifted against him, moving her own hips against his. He let out a little groan and pulled her lips back down to his, kissing her softly. "Derek, I..." she breathed into his mouth.

He kissed her again and looked into her face, but she simply shook her head, closing her eyes as desire swept over her. Suddenly, he stilled his movements. She let out a little moan of protest, but was soon silenced when he gently flipped them over so that he was hovering over her, suspending most of his weight in his arms. She smiled up at him, her cheeks flushed and he leaned forward, pressing feather-light kisses down her neck and across her chest until he came to the edge of the v-neck shirt she was wearing.

He shifted down her body and she watched, her breath hitching in the back of her throat as he reached for the hem of her shirt. He began to pull it upwards slowly, revealing tiny bits of skin at a time and kissing each new bit he exposed. He lavished kisses across her stomach and upwards towards her ribs. He moved his lips across the valley between her breasts and the delicate angle of her collarbone. Then, his movements deliberate, he swept the light material of the shirt over her head so that she lay, exposed besides her bra underneath him. He looked into her face, taking in her half-lidded eyes and slightly parted lips. "You okay?" he asked, kissing her gently.

She nodded and returned his smile. "Yeah, I'm okay," she replied, her voice slightly husky.

He dipped his head to her shoulder and gently nipped the skin beneath his teeth. She groaned quietly and began to move beneath him, moving her hips in a circular motion against his. He moaned and captured her lips in his, feeling as any self control he might've had faded fast. He felt as she moved her hands down the space between their bodies, her fingers fumbling with the buttons on his shirt. He pulled back slightly to give her more room and she made quick time with the buttons, tugging his shirt away from his body and tossing it beside them. She then rested her hands on his shoulders before moving them down his arms, flexed from the strain of suspending his body above hers, and then his chest and abs.

With a muffled groan he instinctively reached behind her for the clasp on her bra, but paused and looked into her eyes. He was leaving it up to her and she smiled and nodded her head. "It's okay," she whispered. "I want you to see me."

He smiled and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips before undoing the clasp and letting the bra fall off her shoulders. As his gaze swept across her body, she saw his eyes darken with desire. "You're so beautiful, Mer," he told her softly. She smiled and placed her hands on his hips, pulling him towards her. He gently lowered himself so that his chest barely grazed hers. She moaned and arched her back into him and he gave in almost immediately, pressing his naked chest to her naked chest.

As he wrapped his arms around her and pressed his lips into her hair, Meredith was suddenly so overcome by a feeling of contentment that she felt tears spring to her eyes. And when Derek glanced down into her face and saw her eyes swimming with those unshed tears, he recognized them for what they were and kissed them away instead of pulling away.

**Okay, the cuteness factor of that last moment is ridiculous. Anywho...review and get pumped for Grey's Anatomy tomorrow! Woot! Woot!**


	16. Things Have Changed

Meredith slipped her shirt on and pulled her hair back into a messy ponytail. Derek, finishing up with the buttons on his shirt, smiled and reached out, pulling a piece of grass out of her hair. She smiled at him and dropped his gaze, suddenly nervous. "So I'll um...I'll see you tomorrow..." she said, playing with the hem of her shirt between shaking fingers.

"You're voice is shaking," he observed.

She chanced a glance at him. "Yeah, well..." When he didn't say anything, she dropped her gaze to the ground again. "So I'm gonna...I'm just gonna head back..." she mumbled, taking a few steps away from him.

"Meredith," he said. She stopped in her retreat and looked at his face. "Do you really think I'm just going to let you walk away?"

"What?" she asked, ceasing her nervous twiddling.

He looked at her levelly. "I'm not the guy who sees a girl naked and then ditches her to go brag to his friends," he told her, taking a step towards her.

"You're not?" she said, searching his face as he moved closer.

"No, I'm not," he told her. "I'm the guy who brings the girl back to his cabin and holds her while she sleeps to make sure she's okay."

"You are?" she asked, her voice soft.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and gently coaxed her into his arms. "I am," he murmured, before kissing her softly.

"Okay," she whispered into his lips. He pulled back, smiling. "But just for argument's sake, I wasn't completely naked."

"Hmmm," he said. "I guess you're right." He paused a devilish grin spreading across his features. "But that can be easily fixed."

She let out a giggle, pushing his hands away, as he playfully reached for the hem of her shirt. "My shirt is staying on, my friend. And my pants for that matter," she told him.

"Why?" he asked, frowning.

"Leave you wanting more and all that," she explained. He shook his head at her as she leaned towards him, her gaze shifting to his lips. She pressed her body against his, her hands resting on his chest and pressed a quick kiss to his lips.

xxx

Derek was true to his word. He brought her back to his cabin, gave her one of his shirts and let her get settled under the covers before climbing in behind her. He wrapped his arm around her stomach and pulled her close. "So," he whispered into her ear, "are you okay?"

She smiled and slipped her fingers between his. "Yeah, I'm okay," she told him quietly.

With his arm draped across her stomach, Derek felt as Meredith's breathing slowly evened out until she fell asleep, her hand tucked up under her cheek. He let out a breath, moving the hair resting on her neck and tightened his grasp around her.

He was scared. He was scared of losing her. And if he was honest with himself, he knew that that was a very real possibility. It didn't take a psychiatrist to see that Meredith had issues. It wasn't her fault. Her dad abandoned her and her mom by all accounts was one of the cruelest people he had ever met. But Derek was scared. He could reassure her and tell her over and over again that he wasn't going anywhere, and still he could lose her. It made him feel helpless. But what was he supposed to do? Walk away? That wasn't an option. It never was and it never would be.

Derek sighed softly and pressed himself closer to her. He leaned forward ever so slightly until his mouth was next to her ear and whispered, "I'll never leave you, Meredith." He hoped that in some subconscious way, she would get the message. And maybe she did, because in that moment she turned in his arms and pressed her face into his chest. He smiled to himself and wrapped his arms around her, resting his cheek on top of her hair. And in that position, holding her to his body, he finally let himself fall asleep.

xxx

The one time he was actually looking for her, she was nowhere to be found. She wasn't at the dance, she wasn't in her cabin. He didn't know where else to look. Then, on a whim, he headed towards a clearing where they had spent a lot of their time together, all those summers ago. The narrow trail leading to it was mostly overgrown, but he kept going, pushing aside the branches and weeds that obstructed his path. Maybe it was because he missed those past summers, they way they used to be together, or maybe it was just that he wanted to be in a place where he could remember them being happy.

But as he emerged from the woods into the clearing, she was there, just like he remembered. And she smiled at him just like she used to and he could almost taste those lazy evenings they spent in each other's arms. He took one step towards her and then stopped. He didn't know how long she'd been there; he didn't know if she had expected him to come, but she didn't seem the least bit surprised to see him.

"I forgive you, Addison," he told her suddenly. "I forgive you. I don't know why you left and I don't need to know. I'm just...I'm just glad you're back."

She smiled at him. "I'm sorry I left you," she told him. "It was probably one of the hardest things I've ever done."

He resisted the urge to ask her _why _yet again. Instead, he took another step towards her. "Do you remember the nights we used to spend out here?" he asked her quietly.

She nodded. "I do." She paused before adding, "How could I forget?"

He smiled. "Do you remember that one night at the end of the summer a couple years ago..."

"The last summer all three of us were together," she said.

He nodded, before continuing: "Remember how we stole that bottle of champagne and brought it out here?"

"We were so wasted," she said, laughing. "I lost my virginity that night," she said, shaking her head.

He smiled at her, falling suddenly silent. "That was the last time I ever saw you," he said softly, shaking his head at her in wonder.

The smile slowly faded from her face. She stood up. "Mark..." she began, but he cut her off.

"No, don't. Please, Addie. Just stay," he said. He reached out his hand to her and she took it hesitantly, allowing herself to be pulled towards him gently. "Just stay," he said again, reaching out to brush the hair out of her face. "Stay with me," he murmured, beginning to lean closer to her.

"Mark, I..." she whispered, her gaze dipping to his lips.

"Stay with me," he breathed, before pressing his lips to hers. He kissed her slowly, moving his lips against hers gently and she gave into him, finally. She moved closer to him until the length of their bodies was touching and let him take her wherever he wanted.

They kissed for a long time, as if re-memorizing the feelings they once had known so well. As the kiss deepened, he moved his hands from her waist to her lower back, lifting her shirt slightly to place his palm on her bare back. She arched into him, running her hands up his chest and around his neck.

"I missed you so much," he breathed in between kisses.

"I missed you too," she replied, smiling against his lips.

He smiled as well and pulled her closer, telling himself he didn't need to know the reason, telling himself that this was enough. Just this.

xxx

Derek woke up and had to stifle a groan almost immediately. Meredith was practically draped across him with her arm wrapped around his stomach and her thigh resting between his legs. This was cruel. This was like some cruel, unjust punishment. She sighed softly in her sleep and shifted against him. He groaned inwardly. So cruel.

"Mmmm, you awake?" she mumbled quietly.

"Yeah," he managed, his voice much too loud for that early in the morning.

She lifted her head and looked at him curiously. "What's wrong?"

He shook his head. "Nothing."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Practically every muscle in your body is tense. It makes for a very bad pillow."

He chuckled. "I just...you know. And you're...you know."

She frowned at him. "What?"

"I think I need a cold shower," he explained.

As understanding spread across her face, so did a slightly evil grin. "Hmmm, I see." She shifted closer to him, moving her thigh between his legs.

He groaned. "So not helping, Mer," he said.

She smiled and rolled on top of him, fitting into all his parts and places. She closed her eyes for a moment, spreading her hands across his chest. It was all he could do to hold onto even a sliver of restraint. She smiled. "Still not helping?"

"No, not really," he said. "But please don't stop."

With a small smile, she leaned down and kissed him. After a minute, she pulled back and lifted her hand to the side of his face. "Scratchy," she murmured, feeling the stubble beneath her fingertips as she ran her fingers along his jawline.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

"It's fine," she said, smiling, before leaning forward to kiss him again. This time, he gently rolled them over so that she was lying beneath him. He dipped his head to her shoulder, trailing kisses across her collarbone and upwards towards her neck. "Where are George and Mark?" she breathed, moving her hands up into his hair.

Derek lifted his head slightly. "George left early this morning and Mark hasn't been here all night."

She nodded wordlessly and he kissed her again, gently nibbling on her bottom lip. Then, gently rolling off of her, he lay on his side next to her. She watched him carefully, holding his gaze as he lifted his hand to her cheek and then slowly ran it down her shoulder, between her breasts and along her stomach, before coming to the last button on the shirt she was wearing. There, he paused and quickly undid the button, before moving up to the next and then the next. Once he had finished with about half the buttons, he moved his hand inside her shirt and rested his hand on her stomach.

The touch of his palm on her skin felt oddly intimate to her and she pulled him towards her again. He pressed a light kiss to her lips and then her cheek and then her forehead. She closed her eyes and let out a breath as his lips lingered at the edge of her hairline. "We should probably get up," she said softly.

"Probably," he agreed, but neither of them moved.

Meredith looked up into his face. "I love you," she whispered.

He smiled. "I love you," he told her.

She turned towards him then and he moved the hand resting on her stomach around her waist, pulling her close to his body. She tucked herself against him and closed her eyes, feeling more safe and more loved than ever before.

**Review please! Grey's is tonight! Woot! Woot! Get pumped for the return of McHunky...**


	17. Forever My Friend

"So how are things with Meredith?" Mark asked.

"How are things with Addison?" Derek retorted.

"I asked you first," Mark said.

Derek glared at him. They were sitting in the cafeteria during lunch and Mark had been hounding Derek for details all day. Derek sighed, leaning back in his chair. "Things with Meredith are fine."

"Have you had sex yet?" Mark asked bluntly.

Derek shot him a look. "None of your business," he said.

Mark laughed. "You're such a girl."

"Shut up," Derek told him.

"You haven't, have you?" Mark said.

"No, we have not had sex."

Mark narrowed his eyes at his friend slightly. "But you want to."

"Mark, can we please get off this topic?" Derek asked, tilting his head to the side.

Mark shook his head. "Nope."

Derek looked at him levelly for a moment. Mark raised his eyebrows in expectation. "She's gorgeous and I love her. I think the facts speak for themselves."

Mark laughed. "You're so horny right now."

"That coming from the resident man whore," Derek said. "Although, you do seem to be going through a bit of a dry patch."

"I am not going through a dry patch. I could have sex if I wanted to."

"Ah, so it's a self-inflicted dry patch. Very unusual for you," Derek commented dryly. Mark only rolled his eyes. "This is about Addison, isn't it? You're still in love with her." Derek leaned forward slightly. "Did something happen with you two last night?"

"Can we please get off this topic?" Mark asked.

Derek chuckled. "Nope."

"We kissed," Mark admitted. "That's it."

"You mean you didn't go all the way? You actually restrained yourself?" Derek asked. "Wow. You're like a new man."

"Shut up."

xxx

Meredith woke up with a funny feeling in her throat. She walked to breakfast and tried to ignore the pressure behind her eyes. She ate a bagel and told herself that she was shivering because of a draught. She went back to her cabin and crawled back under the covers. She told herself she was just taking a nap. After all, she had stayed up late. It was just a nap.

xxx

Derek waited for Meredith at the lake. He waited for a long time. He waited until the sun set and the moon rose. Then he started to worry. They always met after dinner at the lake. It was their place. He felt the fear begin to cloud his chest. Was this it? Was this how he was going to lose her?

He knew she was scared; he knew she had issues, but he thought he would have more time. Derek stood up abruptly from where he'd been sitting on the edge of the dock and made his way towards her cabin. He heard music and giggling coming from inside as he strode up the steps. Though he hated himself for it, he felt anger begin to take the place of the fear. _He thought he would have more time_.

He knocked on the door. He heard more giggling and some stumbling before Christina appeared in the doorway. "McDreamy!" she announced.

"Is Meredith here?" he asked.

Christina burped. "Yep...she's...she's over there somewhere." She motioned vaguely in the direction of Meredith's bed, before taking a swig of whatever was in the plastic cup she was holding.

Derek pushed the screen door open and immediately smelled alcohol. He glanced over at Christina and Izzie sprawled out on the floor, singing along with what sounded like Hannah Montana. Then he looked at Meredith's bed and the lump that was Meredith, huddled under the covers. He felt his anger immediately fade away. He knelt next to the bed."Mer?" he asked, pulling back the covers slightly. "Meredith?"

She opened her eyes at his voice and struggled to focus on his face. "Derek," she breathed. "I...I'm sorry I wasn't at the lake..."

He smiled. "That's okay."

"I don't feel very good," she admitted quietly. Her voice was raspy. He reached out his hand and put it on her forehead. His hand felt unusually cool against her burning skin.

"God, you're hot," he said.

She meant to make some sort of joke about that to lighten the mood, but her throat hurt so much and her head felt so heavy. She closed her eyes again.

Just then a burst of giggling erupted from across the room. Derek turned abruptly and stood up, feeling the anger rising back up. "God, what is wrong with you two? Can't you see that Meredith is sick?"

Christina stood up. "What's with the attitude, McDreamy?" she asked, swaying slightly. "Aren't you supposed to be...dreamy?"

She and Izzie apparently found this wildly funny, because they both sank back onto the floor laughing. Derek shook his head and turned back to Meredith. He bent close to her. "I don't really want to leave you alone with them," he said.

Meredith swallowed and tried to smile at him, although it probably ended up as more of a grimace. "I'll be fine," she said, before letting out a cough.

"Mmmhmm," Derek murmured, shaking his head. "Look, my cabin is much quieter than this. Mark and George are both on that midnight hike. And plus, I'd like to keep my eye on you."

She would've laughed if it wouldn't have hurt so much. "My knight in shining whatever," she whispered. He smiled at her. "I'm too cold," she said, huddling further into her blankets. She couldn't bear the thought of the chilly night air hitting her skin. But Derek had an idea for that too. He slipped his arms under her, blankets and all, and lifted her easily, carrying her outside, past the slightly confused faces of Christina and Izzie.

He carried her all the way to his cabin and tucked her still in her bundle of covers into his bed. Even in her fevered state, she tried to imprint everything he was doing in her brain, because it was immeasurably sweet.

"Do you want anything?" Derek asked Meredith.

"Water," she croaked.

Derek nodded and reached for his water bottle on his dresser. He unscrewed the cap and handed it to her. She sat up slightly and stuck one hand out of her cacoon of blankets, taking the bottle and drinking thirstily from it. "Thanks," she murmured, lying back down and wrapping the covers tighter around her. But the tighter she pulled them around her, the more she shivered and the more she tried not shiver, the worse she shook.

Derek couldn't stand to see her shake. He climbed onto the bed and lay down behind her, pulling her into his arms, despite her half-hearted protests. "Don't you have anything better to do at 8 o'clock on a Friday?" she asked.

"No," he told her, drawing her closer.

"I'm glad," she murmured. And with his arm wrapped around her, her shivers slowly subsided and she finally fell asleep.

xxx

Sometime in the night, Meredith's fever broke and she immediately went from being bone-cold to overwhelmingly hot in her cacoon of comforters. Only half-awake, she kicked away the layers of blankets. She awoke with a start a few hours later and realized with a certain amount of alarm that she was lying, still encircled in Derek's arms, wearing only her bra and panties.

She glanced down to the foot of the bed where the sheet lay rumpled into a ball. Stretching her leg down very slowly and carefully, she grasped the sheet between her toes and began to draw it up the bed. Beside her, Derek shifted slightly and she halted her movements abruptly. He sighed in his sleep and pulled her closer, his fingers spreading across her bare stomach. She waited until his breathing evened out again before pulling the blanket closer. She had almost grasped it between her fingertips when he woke up. _Crap._

At first, he didn't seem to notice her lack of clothing. He pulled her closer and nestled his face in the curve of her neck like he always did, running his hand along her stomach. Then, as he slowly regained consciousness and realized it was bare skin his fingers were touching, he froze and pulled away from her slightly. Meredith pulled the sheet up and covered herself.

It was true, he had seen her in her bra before, but that had been at night and that had been with her permission. This was different. She felt exposed in the harsh morning light. She felt as if she had tripped and slept half-naked in his arms by accident. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Wasn't she supposed to give her permission?

They both moved away from each other simultaneously and stood up on opposite sides of the bed. She clutched the sheet around her tighter. She wished more than anything in that moment that she were wearing clothes. "I'm sorry, I, uh..." he looked disheveled and confused. He looked as if he wasn't quite sure what happened that led up to him standing on one side of the bed and her standing on the other.

"It's fine," she said hastily.

"How do you feel?" he asked not looking at her face.

"Better," she said. "I feel better."

"That's good," he murmured.

Silence ensued. Meredith could barely stand it. "Could I have some clothes?" she asked.

He nodded. He went to his dresser and pulled out a t-shirt and some boxers. He threw them across the bed awkwardly. Meredith glanced from his face to Mark's bed and then to George's bed, the inhabitants of which were both still asleep. "You can change in the closet," he offered.

She nodded and turned, pulling open the door and stepping inside. The darkness it offered was a relief. She pulled on the clothes and stepped back outside. He was standing where she had left him. "I'll go..." she said quietly. "I should go."

He nodded and watched helplessly as she brushed past him and walked outside. She began to walk towards her cabin quickly. She didn't hear his footsteps until he was only a few feet behind her. "Meredith," he called, out of breath. "Wait."

She paused and turned towards him. He took a step towards her. "I'm sorry about back there," he said.

She nodded. "Me too," she murmured, dropping her gaze to the ground. "I was embarrassed," she said quietly with a slight shrug of her shoulders. "And I know it's stupid. I mean, you've seen me naked-"

"Half-naked," he corrected. She glanced up at him. "Only half."

She smiled. "I just...I'm not ready yet. And I don't mean to torture you, but I'm...I'm not ready yet."

He smiled and nodded. He took a step closer to her. "I'm okay," he told her. "I'm okay with the waiting."

"Really?" she asked.

"No," he said, laughing. "But I can wait. And I will. Until you're ready."

She smiled and moved into his arms, pressing her body against his gently. "Thank you," she told him, resting her hands lightly on his chest.

He nodded. "You're welcome," he murmured, before pressing a kiss to her forehead. She closed her eyes as he ran his hands down her arms and around her waist, pulling her closer.

"So you still love me?" she whispered.

He pulled back and looked at her. "You think just because we're not having sex I'm going to lose interest?"

She looked up at him. "It's happened before," she said, her voice shaking slightly.

He frowned at her, shaking his head slightly. "Meredith, you're my best friend. I'm not going to lose interest."

She offered him a watery smile. "You still didn't answer my question," she said softly.

"Meredith," he said, brushing the tears off her cheeks. "Yes."

**So adorable. I wish my boyfriend were like Derek. Is it weird that I'm living vicariously through fictional characters? **

**Okay, so is anyone else annoyed that we haven't had a decent kiss scene between Meredith and Derek this season? What happened to all those hot elevator/supply closet/exam room/on call room scenes? Sigh. The fire is gone. Lol. **

**Review please!!!!!**


	18. White Horse

When Meredith walked into her cabin that morning, she found Christina and Izzie sprawled out across Izzie's bed. Christina opened her eyes and peered at Meredith standing in the doorway. "Morning sunshine," Meredith greeted her.

"Where've you been?" Christina mumbled.

"Derek's cabin," Meredith said, walking across the room and sitting cross-legged on her bed.

"Oh yeah," Christina said. "He was here, wasn't he?"

Meredith nodded. "He was."

Christina nodded and sat up, rubbing her eyes. At this point, Izzie woke up as well and moaned. "I think I'm dying," she groaned into her pillow.

"You'll get over it," Christina said. She looked over at Meredith and seemed to notice something she hadn't before. "You look like shit," she remarked.

"Aw, thanks, Chris," Meredith responded cheekily.

"No seriously, you okay?" Christina asked with as much sincerity as she could muster.

"I was sick last night. That's why I went to Derek's cabin," Meredith told her.

"You were sick?" Izzie asked, turning her face towards Meredith. Meredith nodded. "How did I not notice that?"

"I think after the second bottle of tequila we stopped noticing much of anything," Christina said, rubbing her temples in an attempt to dull the throbbing headache she was suffering from.

"Was there any particular reason you guys decided to get wasted last night?" Meredith asked.

"Barbie wanted to celebrate her conquest," Christina muttered.

"What conquest?" Meredith asked, looking at Izzie.

Izzie grinned. "The counselor," she said, her mood shifting almost immediately into giddiness.

"You made out of with the counselor?"

"No." She giggled. "Yes."

"Izzie!"

"What?" Izzie asked. "It's no big deal."

"You could get kicked out," Meredith pointed out.

"So could you," Izzie said. "It's against the rules to be over in the boys' camp after dark and you're over there almost every night."

"Not...every night," Meredith protested lamely.

Izzie smiled. "Can't you just be happy for me?"

Meredith nodded. "Yeah, I can do that."

"Oh, God," Christina groaned. "I think I just threw up a little."

xxx

A couple days later, Meredith was getting ready to go meet Derek at the lake when she heard a tap on her door. She opened the door to find Derek standing on the steps. "Hi," she said, sightly surprised. "I was just getting ready to head over to the lake..."

"Yeah, I didn't want you to get chilled," he told her, stepping inside, "so I came here."

"How considerate of you," Meredith said, smiling up at him as he wrapped his arms around her. "But I'm not sick anymore."

He gave her look that told her not to argue with him. "Are Izzie and Christina here?" he asked, not even bothering to glance around the cabin, preferring instead to look at Meredith's face.

"No, they're not," Meredith told him.

"I'm glad," he murmured. He began to lean towards her, fully intending on kissing her, but she ducked her head away.

"Derek," she said in protest, "what if I am still sick. You could get sick."

"So?" he asked, reaching up and tucking a wayward curl behind her ear.

"You don't mind?"

He smiled. "I really don't," he said, pulling her closer. "Plus, I don't think you're contagious anymore." She smiled, dipping her gaze from his eyes to his lips and waited as he moved towards her. He leaned towards her, brushed his lips against her slightly parted ones. She moaned softly as he pulled away for an instant before brushing his lips against hers one more time and then pressing a kiss to the corner of her mouth. She turned her face towards him, the sensitive skin of her cheek rubbing against his stubbled jawline. He pressed his lips to her cheek briefly as he moved his hands under her shirt to rest against her bare back. He watched her eyelids flutter closed as his fingers moved across her bare skin and leaned forwards, kissing her chin, but neglecting yet again to kiss her lips.

"Tease," she mumbled into his ear as she moved her hands up his chest and into the curls at the base of his neck.

He chuckled, his breath warm against her cheek as he moved his lips down across her collarbone and then up her neck again. He pulled away slightly and took in her flushed cheeks, her slightly dazed expression. With a small smile he leaned towards her, but paused, there lips mere inches apart. "Derek..." she breathed helplessly.

"Close your eyes," he murmured.

"What?" she asked breathlessly.

"Close your eyes," he said again. When she didn't immediately comply he added, his voice soft, "Trust me."

She closed her eyes and he kissed the tip of her nose and then her cheek and then each closed eyelid. Then, leaning into her, he drew her lips closer until they were barely touching his. She parted her lips slightly, letting out a little breath and he closed the remaining space between them, kissing her firmly.

She opened her mouth to his kisses and pressed her body against his. He began to move his hands up her back, lifting her shirt with it, but she pulled back slightly. "Derek..." she breathed. "We're supposed to be waiting."

"As soon as you want to stop, we'll stop," he told her. She gave a slight nod as he leaned in to kiss her again, before pulling her shirt the rest of the way up her body and over her head. He gathered her to him again, kissing her forehead softly as she smoothed her hands across his chest. He then dipped his head to capture her lips once again as he began to push her back towards the bed slowly.

As they met the edge of the bed, he turned and sat down on the blankets, before pulling her onto his lap. She smiled, looping her arms around his neck as he leaned towards her to kiss her gently. He ran his tongue along her lips, before pulling back to nibble her bottom lip. She sighed softly into his mouth and moved her hands from his neck to his chest. She pulled away from him slightly and undid the top buttons of his shirt, before slipping her hands inside and moving her fingers across his shoulders. She followed the path of her fingers with her eyes as she ran her palm down the center of his chest and then back up, running her fingertips through the fine hairs scattered there.

He watched her face as she continued exploring his body. He took in her flushed cheeks and parted lips and bright eyes. He reached behind her and unclasped her bra. The straps slipped forward down her arms. Then, continuing to watch her face, he began to move his hands from her hips and up her sides. As his hands reached her breasts, she gave an involuntary shiver, even though it wasn't cold in the cabin. She closed her eyes and gripped his shoulders, moving closer to him. He slipped his arms around her and pulled her against him as she pressed her face into his shoulder. "Do you want to stop?" he whispered, running his hand down her hair.

"Yes." She paused. "No." He pulled back to look at her face. She dropped her eyes to her lap. "Could you maybe...just...hold me?" she whispered.

He smiled. "Always," he murmured.

She slipped off his lap and he watched as she pulled on her ratty Dartmouth t-shirt that she always slept in, before slipping under the covers. He followed suite, lying down next to her and pulling her closer. She rested her cheek against his chest and let out a long sigh. "Where did you come from?" she murmured after a minute of comfortable silence.

"What do you mean?" he asked, absentmindedly running his fingers through her hair.

"Nothing, it's just...."

"What?" he asked, turning his head to catch a glance at her face.

"It's just...you're the guy that every girl dreams exists. You're the guy in all those cheesy romance movies. The one who holds a radio over his head or whatever. I mean...I always dreamed you existed, but more in a prince charming, fairy tale kind of way..." She trailed off, focusing her gaze on her fingers as she played with the edge of his shirt. "What I'm trying to say is...I hoped, even believed, you were out there, but I..."

"What?" he asked gently.

"I never dreamed you'd pick me."

As he looked at her face, he saw that she truly believed what she said, that she didn't deserve love. It broke his heart. He wanted her to know how very worthy she was. "But I did pick you, Mer," he said softly.

"Why?" she breathed.

He smiled, the corners of his mouth curving up slightly. He let his eyes run over her face, over her eyes and lips and each line and curve that he had memorized so carefully. "It's your tiny, ineffectual fists," he said finally. She lifted her face to look at him a smirk playing on her lips. "And your hair," he added, his voice quiet.

She smiled. "My hair?"

He nodded. "It smells good. And you're very, very bossy. It keeps me in line."

"I don't deserve you," she whispered.

"Yes you do," he insisted.

She smiled. "Maybe I do."

**I am in love with them. **

**So was anyone else freaked out with the whole Denny/Izzie thing last episode? I was. I mean, he's dead. He's not real. She kissed a ghost. Wtf? You can't kiss someone who's dead. I learned that in 5th grade physics. It just doesn't work. So what the heck is going on? **

**So. Yeah. Review. **


	19. A Case of You

Izzie and Christina were not surprised to find Derek in Meredith's bed when they walked into the cabin that night. They had gotten used to his late night visits. It was always the same: he would push open the screen door gently, tip toe across the room and slip into Meredith's bed. Meredith, only half awake, would turn towards him, resting her head on his chest as he pulled her into his body. They barely talked. He just held her while she slept and then he would gone before dawn.

Christina didn't really understand his late night visits. What was the point of just _sleeping together? _Because that's all they did. They barely ever talked. They just slept in the same bed and then he was gone before the sun had even risen. She didn't get it, but she didn't question it either. She loved Meredith and Derek seemed to love Meredith, so she didn't say anything.

Izzie, on the other hand, got it completely. She understood what it meant to Meredith when Derek visited with no other intention than to simply hold her in his arms while she slept. She understood the weight that those actions held. She understood how important it was to feel safe. To feel as if there was someone in the world who would just hold you without being asked. To feel loved. She definitely got that.

When they walked inside, Derek stirred slightly and opened his eyes. He smiled at them, before turning his attention back to Meredith. Out of the corner of her eye, Izzie watched as he brushed the hair out of her face and pressed a kiss to her forehead. She smiled. Yeah, she got it completely.

xxx

Unlike most mornings when he was able to slip out of the cabin unnoticed, the next day, when Derek began to extract himself from the bed, Meredith woke up. In that transition from sleep to wakefulness, she seemed to cling to him more tightly, pressing her face into his chest and wrapping her arm around his waist. Then as she opened her eyes and took in his face and realized it was morning, she loosened her grip on him. "Oh, sorry," she mumbled. "You have to go."

Derek smiled and sank back onto the bed. "I've got a minute or two," he whispered, kissing the tip of her nose as she settled against him again.

They lay in silence for a while and he thought she had drifted off to sleep again when she asked, "You're dress rehearsal is tonight, isn't it?"

He nodded. "Yeah, it is," he answered.

"Can I come?"

He smiled. "Of course you can come. I was actually going to ask you to."

"Good, because Romeo and Juliet is my favorite play," she told him.

"Seriously? Romeo and Juliet?"

"What's wrong with that?" she asked.

"Nothing, it's just...I never pinned you for someone who would like a play about..." He paused. "That stuff."

She smiled slightly. "You mean like true love?"

"Well," he said, "yes." He hoped she didn't take offense.

To his relief, she laughed softly. "Believing that _I _can have it and _others_ can have it are two very different things."

He nodded. "That's true."

"Plus, they die at the end, so the cynic in me is satisfied."

He chuckled softly and kissed the top of her head. "You're so cute," he mumbled, into her hair. "So why Romeo and Juliet?"

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Why is Romeo and Juliet your favorite play? Why the cliche of all love stories?"

She shrugged slightly, and shook her head, fixing her gaze on something across the room. "I don't really know. Maybe because it is a cliche. I mean, it's the one cliche that I ever allowed myself to believe in." She paused and looked up in his face. "I never really had a reason to believe in cheesy love stories, because in my experience they never happened. But then I read Romeo and Juliet and I..."

"What?" he asked, tightening his grasp around her.

"I fell in love with it," she told him honestly. "I fell in love with the characters and the language and I found myself truly believing that two people could fall in love and stay happy forever." She smiled slightly, shaking her head. "I know every word of that play." She shook her head again, pulling herself from her memories. When she looked back up at Derek he was staring at her with a weird expression. "What?" she asked.

"You know every word of Romeo and Juliet?"

"Yeah," she said.

He was silent for a minute. "That's amazing."

"No it's not," she said. "You know every word too."

"No, I only know Romeo's part. And that's because I had to learn it."

"Romeo is like half the play," she told him, rolling her eyes. "It's not that incredible Derek. So I read a play a couple of times. Big deal. Let it go."

He smiled at her. "I'm not going to let it go. It is a big deal. You are amazing and you are not convincing me otherwise."

She shook her head at him. "Fine, but you really have to go now."

He smiled and gave her a quick kiss before grabbing his sweatshirt and slipping outside.

xxx

Derek was standing back stage, peeking through the curtains to see if Meredith had shown up yet, when he heard someone clear their throat behind him. He turned and came face to face with Rose, the girl who was playing Juliet. Derek was barely able to stifle a groan. He had had to ward off her advances ever since the first time they had rehearsed their kiss scene.

"Rose," he greeted her levelly. It took every ounce of acting ability he possessed to act as if he liked her on stage, he couldn't bring himself to act like it off stage as well.

"I was thinking maybe we could go and read some last minute lines," she said.

"No, I'm good," he told her, smiling with mock sweetness.

"Really? Last night I felt like act I, scene V was still a little rusty. Do you want to go run it one more time?" she asked, smiling at him under her eyelashes. Derek closed his eyes for a split second, trying to compose himself.

"I'm really okay," he told her, his tone strained.

"We don't even have to run the lines," she murmured, leaning towards him, "we could just practice the more...physical aspects of the scene."

"Kissing you on stage is hard enough, Rose, I really don't want to put myself through it any more than necessary," he told her bluntly.

She took a step back. "Fine. Whatever. I'm going to go fix my hair."

Derek shook his head at her retreating back, before looking back out at the gathering crowd. He spotted Meredith in the second row and smiled to himself. He was about to turn away, when, as if sensing his gaze on her, Meredith lifted her face and looked directly at him. He grinned and motioned for her to come back stage. She nodded, smiling, and stood up, slipping out of the auditorium.

A few seconds later there was a knock on the door leading backstage and Meredith walked in. She paused in the doorway and took in his clothes, shaking her head in amusement. "Love the outfit," she told him.

"Shut up," he said as she walked over to him.

"You nervous?" she asked.

He shook his head. "No. Not right now at least." He paused and smiled at her. "You make me feel calm."

She smiled and bowed her head towards the floor. "I'm glad I could help," she told him quietly.

He smiled, but the smile soon faded as he saw Rose walk in again. When she saw him, she smiled, but when she caught sight of Meredith, she immediately started glaring. As she began towards them, Derek turned back to Meredith. "Kiss me," he said suddenly.

"What?" she asked, looking confused and a little concerned for his sanity.

"Kiss me," he said, pulling her towards him and before she could object, he crashed his lips down onto hers. She let out a little gasp, stiffening slightly, but she quickly melted under his touch. He had meant for it to be a quick kiss, just enough to put Rose in her place, but it soon developed into something more. He quickly forgot that they were standing in the wings of a stage, with only a curtain between them and at least fifty people. He kissed her with an urgency that swelled within him, making him want to feel her and taste her and hold her. She pressed her body against his and parted her lips to his demanding kisses.

She didn't really know how they went from standing at least four feet apart to being totally and completely plastered against one another, but she didn't question it. After a while, however, she pulled back, breaking the kiss. "What was that?" she asked, breathing heavily.

"That," he said, drawing her towards him again, "was a kiss. A very good one if I do say so myself."

"Yeah, but why did you kiss me?"

He smiled. "Because-"

"Derek, you're on in five!" someone called from off stage.

Derek frowned. "I'll explain later."

"It's not fair," Meredith said. "You get me all hot and bothered and then expect me to sit through an entire play."

He kissed her softly, before bending close to her ear. "I'll make it up to you later," he murmured.

Meredith smiled and nodded as he pulled away and walked on stage. She watched him from the wings for a minute, before turning and making her way towards the door. As she reached for the door knob, she looked up and caught the gaze of a girl sitting across the room, glaring at her with a strange intensity. Meredith frowned, slightly weirded out, because she could've sworn she had never seen that girl in her life.

**Okay. I know. Rose isn't really that repulsive, but I hate her and I just basically couldn't help myself. So did everyone see Grey's last Thursday? I'm so in love with Owen. "I think you're beautiful..." Sigh.**

**Anyway, hope you liked it! Please Review!! Oh an if you were wondering, act I, scene V in Romeo and Juliet is the first kiss scene. **


	20. You Found Me

Meredith waited for Derek to change before meeting him by the exit of the auditorium. She couldn't help but smiling bemusedly at him as he walked over to her. He shot her a scowl as soon as he caught her look. "Don't even start," he said.

"What? I wasn't going to say anything," she said innocently.

"I could see it in your face," he said.

"See what?"

"The teasing, the mocking, the joking," he told her. "Please try to restrain yourself."

"Oh come on, Derek!" she said, pouting at him. "You were practically wearing a skirt! You've gotta give me something."

"Nope," he said, shaking his head and folding his arms across his chest.

She frowned at him. "Fine."

He smiled triumphantly at her. "Ready to go?"

"Yes," she said begrudgingly.

He reached for her hand and pushed open the door, leading her outside. "So, all joking aside, did you like it?"

"Yes," she told him honestly. "I really did." She paused. "Except for the kissing part."

He chuckled. "You jealous?"

"Not at all," she said. "I just didn't enjoy watching you kiss another girl. I want you all to myself."

"You have me," he told her, pulling her to a stop and drawing her into his arms. "All to yourself."

"I know," she said.

"Do you?"

She smiled up at him. "I do."

He smiled and leaned towards her slowly, pressing his lips to hers gently. She sighed softly and tilted her head towards him, pressing their lips together more firmly. "I don't want to kiss anyone but you," he murmured against her lips. He pulled back slightly and looked into her face. "When I'm with you...I don't know...You make me feel..." He trailed off, shaking his head slightly.

"I know," she whispered.

He smiled and leaned towards her, resting his forehead against hers. She closed her eyes and pressed her body against his, feeling his breath against her cheek. She began to tilt her mouth towards his, her lips parting slowly. He moved his hand to the back of her head and drew her lips the rest of the way, kissing her softly. "Is there somewhere we can go?" she whispered. "To be alone?"

He pulled away and looked into her face, before nodding slowly. "I have an idea." He reached down for her hand and, to her surprise, led her back towards the auditorium. He opened the door part of the way and peeked inside. Everyone was gone by now and the room was completely empty, as well as almost pitch black.

"Derek, what are we doing?" she whispered as he pulled her inside behind him.

"Just follow me," he said, leading her towards the stage. He walked up the stairs leading up onto the stage and drew her into the wings where some of the props had been pushed to the side.

He released her hand for a second and began moving some costumes and props off of what looked like a table. But when he had finished, she realized that the table was actually a bed. He turned towards her and before she could even say anything, he pulled her against him and kissed her firmly.

She parted her lips and he slipped his tongue into her mouth almost immediately, running it over the roof of her mouth. She clung to him as he kissed her fiercely, nibbling and sucking and biting her lips. She could feel desire pooling in her stomach as he moved his lips from her mouth to her neck and the hollow of her throat. And then his hands were moving down her stomach to the edge of her shirt and before she even realized what was happening, he was pulling it over her head.

"Derek..." she breathed. "Derek...wait."

He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her against him. "You okay?" he asked softly.

She looked into his face and he was looking at her with such love and veneration that any hesitation she might have been feeling faded away. She let her hands slide from his shoulders to rest in the center of his chest. She shook her head slightly, at a loss for words, dropping her gaze to her hands as she felt his heartbeat vibrating beneath her fingers. "I'm okay," she breathed. He leaned towards her and pressed a kiss to her lips.

She smiled and he kissed her again, letting his hands roam across her bare back. She reached down and grasped the hem of his shirt in her fingers drawing it up and over his head. She tossed the garment off to the side and then placed her hands against his bare chest. He leaned forward and captured her slightly parted lips in his, before pushing her back towards the bed slowly. She sat down on the edge and looked up at him, her hands resting on the mattress beside her.

He smiled and reached out, brushing the hair out of her face. She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch. "Derek..." she breathed and he leaned down and kissed her. Moving slowly, he began to push her back against the bed until she was lying beneath him. She let out a little whimper as he pressed his thigh between her legs. He leaned down and kissed her quickly before moving his hand up to the clasp at the front of her bra. He undid it with nimble fingers and the material fell away, leaving her exposed beneath him.

He let his gaze fall across her body, taking in her creamy skin, before lifting his eyes back to her face. After a few minutes when he didn't move, she began to squirm beneath him, shifting her hips beneath his. He let a groan and closed his eyes, leaning forward to press his lips to hers. There was an urgency in his kiss, in his touch, that left her feeling breathless, desperate for his touch.

She maneuvered them so that they were lying next to each other and pressed her body against his. He wrapped his arms around her and brushed the hair off her neck for him to kiss. "Do you want to stop?" he murmured into her ear.

She shook her head slightly and began to move her hips against his, sending a little flare of desire shooting through her. He moaned softly and kissed her again, before lifting one of his hands to her breast. She took in a sharp breath at his touch and bowed her head, pressing it to his chest. He gently cupped her breast, letting his thumb move across her nipple. She began to grind her hips against him again, moving them in circular motions. And now, with the combination of his touch and the feeling of their bodies pressed together, she could feel her desire begin to grow.

She lifted her head and kissed him breathlessly. He slipped his tongue into her mouth and explored her mouth lazily as she continued to move against him. She could feel herself losing control and she pressed closer to him, wrapping her arms around him. He simply held her, pressing his lips briefly to her neck or shoulder. The pleasure built and built until she finally climaxed, letting a moan of satisfaction.

She relaxed in his arms and he pulled back slightly, to look in her face. She didn't meet his gaze, so he pulled her close again, pressing a reassuring kiss to her forehead. "I guess I got a little...carried away," she said quietly.

He smiled down into her face. "That's okay," he told her softly.

"Yeah, but you didn't...I mean I was the only one, who..." she trailed off and looked away from him.

"Meredith," he said quietly. "That's okay. There's no rush. We have plenty of time to do all those things." She nodded her head, but still didn't meet his gaze. "Meredith, look at me." She sighed, but turned her head towards him. He smiled. "I love you."

She smiled, feeling the color rise slightly in her cheeks as he pulled her into his chest. "I love you, too," she murmured.

xxx

"Addie, "eyot" is not a word."

"Yes it is."

"Fine. What does it mean?"

"It means a small island."

"You're kidding."

"Never more serious."

"Dammit."

Addison giggled as she laid out her letters on the scrabble board. "So that's a triple word score plus double letter for Y....45 points." She smiled triumphantly as Mark scribbled down her score.

"How are you beating me by 307 points? You have to be cheating."

"Or maybe you just suck at scrabble," Addison suggested cheekily.

"That's impossible," Mark said. "I'm good at everything."

"Oh, right. I forgot," Addison said, rolling her eyes.

Mark sighed as he surveyed his letter options. "Do you have an M?" he asked.

"Yes," Addison told him.

"Could I have it?" he asked.

"No."

"Cruel woman." He sighed again, fingering one of the letters between his fingers, before lifting his gaze to Addison. He smiled devilishly, before getting up and crawling across the board to her, thoroughly destroying the game in the process.

"Mark!" she squealed as he hovered over her, straddling her hips between his knees. "You ruined the game!"

"Destroying the evidence of my failure."

Addison giggled underneath him. "Ah, I see." As he stared down at her, she peeked behind him to where the score card was lying. She shifted her gaze back to his face and reached up, moving her hand behind his neck to pull him down for a kiss. He groaned into her mouth as she ran her tongue along his lips, begging for entrance. As he opened his mouth to allow her access, she gently rolled them over so that she was lying on top of him.

He let out a little moan as she moved her lips along his jawline and down his neck. As she began to move lower he closed his eyes. When he opened them again, Addison was smiling triumphantly over him, clutching the score card between her fingers. "Proof," she said simply.

He narrowed his eyes at her and reached for the card, but she rolled away from him, standing up. He got to his feet and caught her arm before she could reach the door of the cabin. She let out a little giggle as he pulled her against him so that the the length of their bodies were touching. She let out a little breath of desire as he gazed down at her, his grasp tight around her. Then, taking advantage of her distracted state, he grabbed the paper from between her fingers, crumpled it and threw it into the trash.

**I can't believe I actually finished this so quickly. I'm impressed with myself. Lol. Actually, the only reason I did finish it is because I have time off for Thanksgiving and didn't have anything better to do. Lol. **

**Review please!!!!**


	21. Everything Will Be Alright

The next morning at breakfast, Meredith was thinking about sex. She wasn't a virgin. She had done it with a couple of guys, actually. But it was more curiosity that had driven her forward in those cases. Curiosity and tequila. And afterwards, she had felt empty. She had never known that something that was supposed to make you feel loved could leave you feeling so empty.

With Derek it was more than just curiosity. Her body wanted his in a very demanding and intense way. The fathom of her need scared her. That's why she was waiting. She was scared by how much she needed him.

"Watcha thinking 'bout?" Izzie asked as she sat down next to Meredith.

"Sex," Meredith answered honestly.

"I could tell," Izzie said, smiling. "You had McDreamy in your eyes."

Meredith turned towards Izzie, propping her head up in her hand. "Have you done it?"

Izzie nodded. "Yeah."

"Did you...like it?" Meredith asked.

Izzie grimaced. "No. Not at all."

Meredith nodded, before turning her head away from her and looking out the window. "I'm glad I'm not the only one," she murmured.

"I'm sure it'll be different with Derek," Izzie said, as if sensing Meredith hesitation.

"What will be different?" Christina asked, sliding into the seat next to Izzie.

"Sex with Derek," Izzie explained.

"Well," Christina said reasonably. "You love him, right?"

"I do," Meredith said. She was glad she could finally admit that.

"Then there's a god chance it won't suck," Christina said, taking a bite out of her bagel.

"Thanks, Chris. That was real comforting," Meredith said sarcastically.

"She's right," Izzie said.

Christina looked at her in surprise. She and Izzie rarely saw eye to eye on anything. "I am?" she asked.

Izzie nodded. "You are."

Christina smiled, pleased. Meredith laughed at the two of them, before looking out the window again. _You love him, right? I do. _And she really did.

xxx

Meredith was surprised and a little disoriented when Derek came bursting into her cabin at 5 o'clock in the evening. "Rose has appendicitis," he blurted out, striding across the cabin to where she was sitting on her.

"What?" she asked, taking in his frenzied appearance.

"Rose, Juliet, has appendicitis," he told her frantically.

Suddenly, it dawned on Meredith what he was trying to convey. "Juliet has appendicitis? So she can't do the play."

"Exactly," he said. "So you have to do it."

Meredith fell backwards abruptly and stood up on the opposite side of the bed from him. "I-I...w-why me?"

"Because you know it. You know the lines," Derek said. "You're the only one who can do it."

"There has to be someone....someone else..."

"No one who's available," he said. "Please, Mer."

"But I don't...I don't know the choreography..."

"I'm going to rehearsal now," he said. "You can come with me. You can learn it."

"Derek..."

"Please, Meredith."

She lifted her face to his. He looked so cute with that imploring expression painted across his features. She could feel herself begin to shed her defenses in a way that only he could make her. He reached out his hand. She walked around the bed, took it hesitantly, and he led her outside.

xxx

"Derek! Where have you been?" a man called as soon as Derek and Meredith walked inside.

"I'm sorry I'm late, but I think I found our Juliet."

The man looked skeptical. "You're kidding."

Meredith emerged from behind Derek. She could feel her palms begin to sweat. She really hated publicly speaking. She wiped her hands on her jeans. The man (Meredith hoped he was the director, because if he wasn't this would be really weird) sized her up from her head to her toes. "Do you know it?" he asked bluntly.

"Every word," she said, willing her voice not to shake.

The man nodded. He extended his hand. "I'm Bill, the director."

"Meredith," Meredith said. "Nice to meet you."

Bill gave a brief nod and then stepped away, leading them towards the stage. he turned towards Meredith. "Let's see what you got," he said. His look was almost challenging.

Derek gave her hand a squeeze and she walked the steps up onto the stage very slowly. "Do you want me to so a specific passage?" she asked. Her voice sounded very small to her ears. She saw Bill shoot a look at Derek.

"Any passage is fine," he told her.

Meredith swallowed. She really did hate public speaking. She took a deep breath before beginning one of her favorite passages in the play. It wasn't long and it wasn't famous, but it was beautiful and Meredith recited it with a certain amount of joy: "Wilt thou be gone? it is not yet near day/ It was the nightingale, and not the lark/ That pierced the fearful hollow of thine ear/ Nightly she sings on yon pomegranate-tree/

Believe me, love, it was the nightingale."

When she finished, she pulled herself back to reality and refocused on the stern face of Bill. "I think we found our new Juliet," he said with a little tilt of his head. Meredith heard wistful sighs coming from the wings. She turned her head to see a group of girls gathered. Bill noticed her glance and waved his hand dismissively. "Other Juliet hopefuls," he said. He turned to Derek. "Where did you find this girl?"

Derek looked at Meredith. "I don't know," he said, shaking his head slightly.

Meredith smiled and hopped off the stage, walking across to him and stepping into his arms. "You were amazing," he told her.

"Thank you," she told him earnestly.

He leaned in and kissed her. "I love you, you know."

"Mmmm," she murmured, closing her eyes and kissing him again. "I know."

xxx

After rehearsal, Meredith was exhausted. She felt as if she had crammed so many scene choreographies into her brain that she couldn't possibly retain anything else. She and Derek made there way from the auditorium down towards the lake. He held her hand as they walked. "The last dance is tonight," he said. "You want to go?"

She nodded. "Maybe for a little."

The dance was already well under way by the time they got there. Derek pulled her out onto the dance floor immediately and wrapped his arms around her. She leaned into him heavily, happy not to support her own weight. "My mom and sisters are going to come tomorrow for the play, so they can drive us home after," Derek told her quietly as they swayed back and forth.

Meredith lifted her head in alarm. "They're coming? All of them?"

"Yeah, they always do," Derek said. He tilted her head at her. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing it's just...We're like dating or whatever and they'll know and then it will be all...awkward."

Derek smiled. "So?"

"I don't like awkward situations," Meredith said lamely.

Derek shrugged. "They'll get over it."

"Derek!" Meredith burst out. "I'm like freakin out right now and the best you can come up with is 'they'll get over it'?"

"Why are you so worried?" Derek asked pulling her closer.

Meredith shook her head as she absentmindedly smoothed her hands across his chest. "I don't know, I just...I just really like your family."

"So? That's a good thing, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is," Meredith said softly. "But what if we break up? Then they'll start hating me. I don't think I could stand it if your family hated me."

"They won't hate you, Mer," Derek said soothingly. "And anyway, who said anything about breaking up?"

Meredith smiled. "I guess you're right," she murmured. Derek smiled down at her before leaning down and kissing her forehead gently. She loved it when he did that. It made her feel safe and protected. Those were rare feelings for her. She closed her eyes and relished in the sensation. When he pulled his lips away she tilted her head towards him and pressed her mouth to his. "Thank you," she told him.

"You're welcome," he said, his eyes full.

She leaned into him again and rested her head against his chest, letting her eyes slide shut.

xxx

"We should head back," Derek murmured into Meredith hair as they lay beside the lake, her head resting on his chest, his arm wrapped around her shoulder.

"Just a little bit longer," she breathed, snuggling into him. They lay in silence for a while, as he played with the tips of her hair. "Do you think they will know?"

"Who?"

"Your family."

"You mean that we're dating _or whatever,_" he said with a smile.

"Yeah," Meredith said.

"Who knows? Maybe," Derek said. "But it won't be so bad. After the initial round of teasing and mocking, they're comments will reduce to the occasional flippant remark."

Meredith giggled into his shirt. "You're very reassuring, you know that?"

"I try," he told her dryly.

She smiled and sighed softly, pressing herself closer to him. "I'm tired," she whispered.

He glanced down at her face, so peaceful in sleep. He lay very still and felt as her breathing slowly evened out. Then, moving very slowly, he pulled away from her and scooped her up in his arms. She opened her sleepy eyes and looked at him. "You're carrying me home," she observed.

"I am," he told her, kissing her hair.

She didn't object. She simply tucked her head under his chin and closed her eyes again as he carried her. When he reached her cabin, he climbed the steps very carefully and pushed open the door, making sure not to bump her head on the doorframe as he walked inside. Izzie beamed at him as he gently lay Meredith on her bed and tucked the covers around her. Even Christina smiled, unable to deny that he truly was a good guy, who truly did love Meredith.

"You want me to stay?" he whispered to Meredith.

She nodded. "Of course," she told him.

He smiled and slipped onto the bed behind her, draping his arm across her stomach and pulled her into his body. "Good night," he mumbled, before falling asleep.

**So I made it so that Meredith and Derek are Romeo and Juliet. Even I couldn't resist how perfect that was. Ridiculously corny and cliched, but perfect nonetheless. Hope you enjoy!! Review!!**

**P.S. I heard that Jeffrey Dean Morgan is in episodes through February, which means the ghost of Denny isn't going to give izzie a break anytime soon. Is anyone else annoyed by this? **


	22. Love Story

The next day, Meredith walked over to Derek's cabin before the play. She found him sitting on his steps, looking way more calm than she felt. She thought there was a very good chance she would throw up. At any moment. When he saw her, he smiled and stood up. She walked the rest of the way over to him. "You're nervous," he said immediately.

She grimaced. "Is it that obvious?"

"Yeah, it is," he said with a smile. "You're shaking." He moved closer to her and kissed her forehead, running his hands along her arms.

"What if I forget everything?" she said, looking up into his eyes helplessly.

"You won't," he told her. "You know it."

"I feel like I'm gonna throw up," she said miserably.

He chuckled softly and she swatted at his chest. "What?" he asked innocently. "Nausea is normal. It's called stage fright."

"I know what stage fright is," she told him, rolling her eyes. "I just...don't like crowds. Especially when I'm performing in front of them. You, however, seem totally unfazed." She glared at him for a second as if it was his fault he wasn't nervous. "I hate you," she grumbled.

"You love me," he said, bending close to her.

She looked into his eyes. "Fine. I love you," she murmured quietly.

He smiled and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her body against his. She sighed softly and rested her hands against his chest. "If I kiss you are you gonna throw up all over me?" he asked her.

"Aw, I just love it when you talk purty to me," she said sarcastically.

He smiled and began to lean towards her. He pressed a soft kiss to her lips and pulled away, but she leaned back into him, finding his lips again. He groaned quietly and reached up, cradling the back of her head in his hand as he moved his mouth against hers.

"Hmmm," she murmured when they pulled back. "I feel much better."

Derek smiled, reaching up to brush the hair out of her face. "I'm glad." She smiled up at him. "Do you want to head over to the auditorium?"

Meredith nodded. "Sure."

xxx

Mrs. Shepherd, as well as Derek's four sisters, arrived early to get seats in the front row. Nancy wanted to get some good pictures of Derek in his 15th century attire for blackmailing purposes. Mrs. Shepherd looked around for Meredith, assuming she would come to see Derek, but when she didn't see her, she thought nothing more of it.

They settled into their seats as the curtain opened. Nancy got her camera ready. When Derek made his first appearance as Romeo halfway through scene I, Anna snickered so loudly that she earned an elbow from Susan. Nancy snapped away through scene II and then leaned back to take a break during scene III, knowing the play well enough to remember that this was when Juliet made her first appearance. When Juliet did walk on, however, the whole Shepherd family was struck silent. "Isn't that...Meredith?" Susan murmured to Sarah. Sarah nodded wordlessly.

xxx

Derek had been right. As soon as Meredith stepped onto the stage, instead of freezing up and forgetting everything, she felt her muscles relax and the words pour out, just as beautiful as they were the first time she had read them. She forgot about the audience, she forgot about Bill who she knew was standing somewhere off stage hoping she didn't mess up too badly. She simply spoke the words.

On her way off stage she passed Derek waiting in the wings. He reached out and brushed her fingers with his, smiling faintly in encouragement.

xxx

Derek could feel his heart rate quicken as Meredith walked on stage for their first scene together. Watching her face carefully, he began the scene: "If I profane with my unworthiest hand/ This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this/ My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand/ To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss." And he realized, suddenly, as he spoke the words, that for the first time, he truly meant them.

Meredith smiled coyly at him from across the stage. "Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much/ Which mannerly devotion shows in this/ For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch/ And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss," she said.

He moved across the stage towards her. He was following the carefully planned choreography of the scene, but he also just wanted to be nearer to her. "Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?" he asked her.

She smiled. "Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer." She lifted her hand and he pressed his palm against hers.

"O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do/ They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair," he said, locking his gaze with hers.

"Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake," she said, her voice slightly quieter as she leaned into him, their palms still pressed together.

"Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take/ Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged." He leaned into her, paused when their mouths were centimeters, heard her little breath of desire and then kissed her softly. He had to force himself to pull back.

Her gaze was fixed on his lips as she continued the scene: "Then have my lips the sin that they have took."

"Sin from thy lips?" he said, his voice low. "O trespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again."

This time, as their lips touched, their hands, still pressed against one another, relaxed, their fingers slipping between each other. He wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her body against his as she moved her hand up his chest to the curls at the base of his neck. After a minute, she broke the kiss, bowing her head slightly and taking a deep breath to steady herself. He took a step back and she lifted her gaze to his face. "You kiss by the book," she breathed.

"Madam, your mother craves a word with you," the nurse called, walking on stage. The spell they had woven around each other was broken. Meredith turned and walked off stage.

xxx

In the audience, the Shepherd family was sitting quite speechless as they watched the interaction between Derek and Meredith play out. They watched as Meredith's gaze dipped to Derek's lips when he leaned in to kiss her. They watched as Derek drew her into his body, as Meredith lips parted for his kisses. They watched as Meredith pulled back, her face flushed and lifted her eyes to his face. They watched as Derek's gaze followed her exit and they knew something had changed.

xxx

After they had taken their bows, Meredith and Derek both headed to the changing rooms. As they walked down the hall, Derek reached for her hand, giving it a squeeze. "I'll see you in a sec," she said, smiling, as they turned in opposite directions to go into their respective changing rooms.

Derek was waiting for her when she emerged, fully changed. She smiled and walked into his arms without hesitation. The play had left her feeling slightly punch drunk, almost woozy. The play, the words and the characters, were powerful by themselves. Just reading the play had moved her in a way that nothing else did. But acting it out with Derek as her Romeo had been an oddly intense experience for her. She felt drained, emotionally and physically, so she simply leaned into him, resting her forehead in the center of his chest.

"You okay?" he murmured, pressing his lips into her hair.

"Yeah, I'm just a little...overwhelmed," she said into his chest.

He reached up and placed a finger under her chin, lifting her gaze to meet his. "I told you that you could do it."

She nodded. "You did." She shook her head. "I never doubted you."

"But you doubted yourself," he said quietly, running his thumb along her cheek.

She nodded. "I do that a lot," she admitted quietly.

He nodded sadly and pressed a kiss to her forehead. He pulled back slightly and she tilted her lips towards his.

"Derek!" A familiar voice suddenly called, scaring the two apart.

Meredith pulled away from him abruptly as Mrs. Shepherd as well as Derek's sisters rounded the corner. "There you are!" Mrs. Shepherd exclaimed. "We've been looking everywhere for you two."

Meredith took a couple more steps away, putting more space between herself and Derek as Mrs. Shepherd pulled her son into a hug. "I've missed you so much!" she exclaimed.

"It's only been three weeks, mom," Derek said, smiling.

Mrs. Shepherd waved away the comment and turned to Meredith. "I've missed you too," she said. Meredith felt like crying as Mrs. Shepherd hugged her. "It was quite a surprise to us when you walked on stage," Mrs. Shepherd said as she pulled away. "You both were fantastic."

Meredith felt the color begin to rise in her cheeks as it hit her for the first time that Mrs. Shepherd as well as Derek's four sisters had been sitting in the audience while she and Derek had practically made out on stage. "Thank you," she said quietly.

"Good job baby brother," Nancy said, stepping forward. "Loved the outfit," she added, earning a scowl from Derek.

Susan shook her head. "Shut up, Nancy. I though it was great. Especially the scenes you two had together. They were..."

"Steamy," Sarah supplied.

"Oh, God," Meredith said, mortified. Derek coughed.

"Don't you guys need to pack?" Anna said suddenly.

Derek nodded. "Yeah...we should...we should go do...that." Meredith nodded quickly and practically ran away from them. Derek had to hurry to catch up with her. He reached for her hand, but she shrugged it away. Derek didn't even attempt to talk to her until they walked outside. Once they were safely away from his family, he grabbed her arm and pulled her to a stop.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asked.

"Okay? Am I okay?" Meredith asked, as if the question was totally ridiculous. "No. I'm not okay. I'm basically, like, mortified. I mean, I'm freaking out. We basically made out in front of your family and now they know that we're dating and...and...it's all your fault!"

"My fault? How is it my fault?" Derek asked, trying to keep up with her rambling.

"Because you were looking at me with that look and I...I couldn't control myself," she explained.

"Well, then, isn't it your fault?" Derek asked, an amused expression playing on his features.

"No!" Meredith exclaimed. "Because you didn't have to look at me like that, you could've-"

"Yes, I did," Derek said softly.

She looked up at him. "What?"

"I had to look at you like that." He shrugged. "I can't help it."

Meredith stopped pacing and smiled. "You can't help it?"

He shook his head. "Nope."

She laughed softly at him. "You're so cute."

He grinned down at her and wrapped his arms around as she stepped closer. "I can't help that either," he told her. She sighed as she looked up into his face, the smile slowly fading from her face. He reached up and brushed the hair out of her face. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to the tip of her nose. "Everything is going to be okay," he told her softly. She smiled, nodded and closed her eyes. She believed him. She couldn't help it.

**UH-dorable. Lol. I am falling in love with the 18-year-old versions of Meredith and Derek. I wish they were like this on the show. Keep your fingers crossed for some decent MerDer scenes in next week's episode.**

**Review!!**


	23. Banana Pancakes

By the time they got back home, it was completely dark. Mrs. Shepherd drove to Meredith's house first and waited as she and Derek got out of the car. Derek carried Meredith bags to her front door. He was about to reach for the doorknob when Meredith reached out and stopped him. "She's home...My mom is home...I don't want to..." She shook her head and looked up at him. "I don't want to deal with...that."

He nodded his head slowly. "So I'll see you tomorrow," he said softly.

"Yeah." She nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow."

He began to lean towards her, but she stopped him. "Derek, your mom..."

"Relax, Mer," he said softly. "She's doesn't care."

She smiled faintly and he reached out, brushing the hair out of her face before leaning in and kissing her forehead gently. She lifted her eyes to his and smiled. "Tomorrow," he promised and she nodded, smiling.

He stepped off her porch and made his way back to his car. As he reached the car, he glanced over his shoulder and saw Meredith standing in the exact same place he had left her, staring at her front door blankly.

xxx

Meredith stood on her front porch for a long time. She knew that as soon as she walked inside, her mother would say something unbelievably mean and insensitive and soon Meredith would go back to feeling like an insignificant speck on the earth. She knew the way it would be. It was always the same. And she hated it. She hated feeling like a loser, but her mom had ways. She had ways and even though Meredith knew the way it would go, her mother still seemed to have an unnatural sway over Meredith's feelings.

She knew she wasn't an insignificant speck. A part of her brain understood this. When she was with Derek, a _larger_ part of her brain understood this, but that part, however large or small it was, inevitably shrunk whenever Ellis was nearby. Meredith took a deep breath and opened the door slowly.

The foyer was dark. With a pang of sadness, Meredith realized that most mother's would remember to leave the light on when they knew their daughters were coming home. _Most_ mothers would remember the day they got to see their daughter again. Ellis was not most mothers. "Mom?" Meredith called out, hauling her bags in through the door.

When there wasn't an immediate response, Meredith felt a little flare of hope in her chest. Maybe she had gotten paged to the hospital. Maybe she had switched shifts.

"Oh, you're back." _Or not_.

"Hey, mom," Meredith said.

They stood looking at each other for what seemed like ages. Meredith could hear the clock ticking in the living room. The seconds seemed much longer than usual. "Are you hungry?" Ellis asked.

Meredith shook her head. "No. We ate on the road."

"Oh, good."

"I should probably unpack," Meredith said, wanting to escape very badly.

"Fine," Ellis said cooly.

Meredith dropped her gaze to the floor and began to haul her bags towards the stairs. Once inside her room, she threw the bags into the corner and sat on her bed. Her room felt empty without him. She briefly considered how pathetic it was that she already missed him. She sighed and fell back against her pillows. She could hear her mother moving around downstairs. Meredith pulled a pillow over her head and tried to seep, but it was no use. She felt jumpy. She stood up and walked back downstairs.

"I'm going for a walk," she called to her mother, fleeing through the front door before she could ambush her.

She began to walk towards Derek's house, her eyes on the sidewalk. She was surprised to hear footsteps coming towards her at such a late hour, but didn't think very much of it until she heard a very familiar voice call out to her. "I guess you had the same idea as me."

She looked up at him and smiled. He walked up to her and kissed her softly and for some reason she felt tears in her eyes. She reached up and wiped them away quickly, embarrassed. "What's wrong?" he asked, searching her face.

"Nothing," she muttered.

"Meredith."

She shook her head at him, her eyes glassy. "My mother," she admitted.

He nodded knowingly and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her body against his. "Why does she have so much power over me?" she asked.

"Because she's your mother," he told he resonably.

"I know, I just...I hate that she can make me hate myself so much," Meredith said, her voice bitter.

"I hate that too," he said quietly.

She smiled up at him. "I wish we could just run off into the sunset together and be happy and carefree forever."

He nodded. "Someday," he told her. He was joking, but something in his tone made her think he was serious, at least partly. She sighed and leaned into him, resting her cheek against his chest. "Want to head home?" he asked.

At first she frowned, thinking he meant her house. It took her a second to realize he meant his house, _their _home. She clung to him and lifted her lips to his. "I'd love to," she said, smiling up at him in wonder.

xxx

Meredith woke up and smiled when she felt Derek's strong arms still encircling her. She swore she would never get used to this. She turned in his arms and kissed her way along his jaw. He groaned a very quiet groan and opened his eyes. He gazed down at her with a sleepy expression and wrapped his arms around her, before pulling her on top of him.

He smiled a lovely, crooked smile up at her and lifted his hands to brush away the hair that had fallen across her face. She pressed her lips to his again. She was no longer as frightened by the desire that swelled within her every time he touched her. It felt good and she didn't want to fight it anymore. Each time they were together they went a little further. He always asked first and she always said yes. She knew the time would come when he would want to stop waiting, when he would want sex. She knew he would ask first, she just didn't know what her answer would be yet.

But she couldn't think about that right now. Right now he was slipping his hands under her shirt and nibbling gently on her earlobe, his breath warm against her neck. She began to move her hips against his and she was suddenly extremely aware of their lack of clothing. The only things between them were his pajama bottoms and the boxers she had borrowed from him to sleep in.

She knew she should probably stop for a second to consider this. She knew she should probably pull back and take a deep breath, but somehow she forgot. She felt his hands reach for her shirt and she began to pull away so that he could pull it over head.

And then the door banged open. Meredith pulled away from Derek so abruptly that she went tumbling to the ground. She let out a little yelp as she hit the floor, the sheet tangled around her legs. "Meredith!" Mrs. Shepherd exclaimed as she stared down at Meredith, splayed out on the floor. "How did you get here?"

"I walked," Meredith said meekly. She was suddenly very glad that Derek hadn't gotten to her shirt yet.

"Oh, well...I guess I should...I'll just..." Mrs. Shepherd shook her head and trailed off. She began to back out the door, muttering something that Meredith didn't catch. "I'll give you two some privacy," she said finally as she pulled the door shut.

Meredith groaned and covered her face with her hands. "I cannot believe this!" she wailed, her voice high. Derek smiled down at her from his perch on the bed. He clearly was not as mortified as Meredith. "Aren't you embarrassed?" she asked.

"Not really," he admitted with a shrug.

"You're unbelievable! You're infuriating and stupid and...stupid!" she accused, glaring up at him. He chuckled. It only spurred her on. "I hate you! Your mom basically just caught us having sex and you're just sitting there like 'Hey, I'm totally fine' guy." She paused for a second, before sighing loudly and covering her face again. "This is horrible. I'm humiliated. Your mom..."

"My mom what?" Derek asked softly, slipping off the bed and lying down alongside her.

"Your mom saw us doing the...the...nasty-nasty," she groaned.

"So?" he said softly, his voice husky. He leaned closer to her and pressed his body against hers.

She swallowed and stared into his piercing blue gaze. "I forget," she mumbled. He smiled widely and leaned towards her to kiss her softly.

"That's what I thought," he murmured against her lips.

She moaned softly as he slipped his tongue into her mouth and pulled him closer. He obliged immediately, gently rolling on top of her. She could feel herself slipping away from reality, but he pulled away and looked down into her eyes. "Want some pancakes?" he asked.

"What?" she asked breathlessly, her chest rising and falling unevenly.

"Want some pancakes?" he asked again.

She giggled underneath him. "Sure," she said with a smile. "I'd love some pancakes."

**Hehe. I love it. Sorry it's been a while since my last update. School is evil and way too time-consuming. Anyway, please review! I love hearing from you guys!**


	24. All That I Want

Derek set a plate with a couple pancakes on it in front of Meredith and sat down across the table. She immediately dug in, so she didn't notice when Derek didn't do the same. After a while she lifted her gaze from her plate and noticed his untouched breakfast. "You okay?" she asked around a mouthful of pancakes.

Derek smiled half-heartedly, flipping his fork around between his fingers. He opened his mouth as if to say something and then closed it again. He glanced up at her, his expression pained. "I'm gonna be gone for a few weeks," he said, dropping his gaze to his plate.

Meredith stopped chewing. "What?"

He wouldn't look at her. "I'm going away for a while." He sighed and then suddenly the words were coming out in a rush. "Every year my family spends a few weeks in Virginia with my dad's family. My mom wants us to stay connected with them or whatever even though my dad isn't around anymore. So we're leaving in a couple days and won't be back for a while."

Meredith tried to swallow around the lump in her throat. "How long is a while?" she asked softly.

"Three weeks," he admitted quietly.

Her eyes immediately filled with tears and she blinked them away. "Oh," she said. She placed her fork on her plate. She didn't feel hungry anymore. They sat in silence for a while. He still wouldn't look at her, seemingly content on tracing patterns across the wooden table with his fingertips. "Well, I guess I should go," she said, standing up abruptly.

He finally looked up at her. "What? Why?"

"I've got a lot of stuff to do... you know unpacking and stuff. I should probably let you start getting ready anyway." She forced a smile onto her lips. "I'll see you later."

"But you...you didn't finish your pancakes," he said. Now he was the one trying to catch her gaze, but she wouldn't look at him.

"That's okay," she said quickly. "I'm not that hungry." She picked up her plate and strode across the kitchen, placing her plate on the counter.

"Meredith..."

She turned to gaze at him levelly. "What, Derek? What do you want?"

He recoiled from her. "Nothing." She hated herself for hurting him. He watched helplessly, as she hurried out the door. He listened to the front door slam. He didn't understand what he did wrong.

Meredith was halfway to her house when she realized she was stilling wearing Derek's clothes. "Crap," she muttered under her breath as she turned and made her way back to the house. She walked up the front steps and tiptoed across the porch. She didn't want him to know she was here. She hoped she could simply slip inside and slip outside without being noticed. She opened the door and peered inside. So far so good. She walked through the foyer and rounded the corner towards the stairs. That's when she heard the voices.

"Do you want to invite Meredith?" It was Mrs. Shepherd. Meredith stopped dead in her tracks.

"Oh, I um...I don't think she...I don't think that's a good idea..." Derek muttered. The ache in Meredith's chest was almost unbearable.

"Are you two fighting? I noticed she left quite abruptly this morning," Mrs. Shepherd continued conversationally.

"Yeah, I guess we are," Derek replied. Meredith could hear the strain in his voice. They were fighting? He didn't want her to come? What? Meredith felt hopeless and worthless and sad all at once. The implications of all this were tremendous. He was breaking up with her. He didn't love her anymore. He was leaving. She would be alone. _Alone. Again. _

She turned and slipped outside, before she could start crying and blow her cover. She ran home, completely forgetting about her clothes tucked away in a corner of his dresser. When he had folded them and placed them there last night, her heart had swelled with happiness. There was something wonderfully final about sharing dresser space.

The tears flooded her eyes. The force of her sadness was overwhelming. She reached her house and walked inside. The gratefulness she felt when she realized her mother was at the hospital was the only relief in all her despair. How funny to think that not two hours ago, she was the happiest she had ever been in her life. And now, here she was, curled up in a ball on her bed with her arms wrapped around her torso in a vain attempt to keep herself from shattering.

xxx

"Where were you last night?"

Meredith must have fallen asleep. She was surprised that it was night when she opened her eyes. She turned towards her mother, who was standing in her doorway, her hand on her hip. Meredith couldn't imagine how she must have looked, but her mother look slightly distraught by her appearance. "Are you...are you alright?" The words were forced, but Meredith was grateful for them.

She managed to cough up her voice. "Yes," she croaked.

"Okay." Ellis hovered awkwardly in her doorway for a minute before turning and walking away. Meredith turned back towards her wall and closed her eyes.

When she woke up again it was to the sound of yelling. For a second Meredith thought she was still dreaming. The argument going on downstairs sounded for all the world like the arguments Ellis and Thatcher used to have while Meredith hid in her room. But no, they were arguing about _her_. Ellis and Thatcher never did that.

Meredith pulled herself the rest of the way into consciousness and rolled out of bed, shuffling down the hall and down the stairs. The voices were coming from the foyer.

"What did you do to her? Did you hurt her?"

"I didn't...I would never..."

"She's gone all night and then comes home sobbing. You must've done something."

Meredith stopped in her tracks. Was her mother defending her? It filled Meredith with an odd sensation. It swelled in her chest and in her heart. She smiled to herself and walked the rest of the way into the foyer. As she appeared in the doorway, Derek's gaze shifted to her face and Ellis turned. Meredith smiled at her and for once, it wasn't forced. "It's okay, mom," she said softly. Her voice was hoarse with tears, shed and unshed.

Ellis nodded slightly, hesitated and then walked away. Derek and Meredith stood looking at each other for a moment. They both dropped their gazes at the same time. "What're you doing here?" Meredith asked.

"I just...I wanted to see you," he said softly. She nodded vaguely. "What happened this morning?"

"You're leaving," Meredith said with a shrug. "You're leaving and apparently you don't want me to come."

"What?" Derek asked.

Meredith looked at him levelly, her anger giving her enough courage to look him in the face. "I heard you talking this morning. You said that we were fighting and that you didn't think it was a good idea for me to come to Virginia with you."

"I only said that because you left! I thought you were mad at me and I didn't even know why," Derek told her.

"I'm not mad at you," Meredith murmured. "I just...I don't want to be anywhere without you. And I thought...I thought you had come up with the trip as an excuse to get away from...me."

"Oh, Mer," he said, his voice full. "I don't want to leave you. I _want _you to come with me. I just didn't know if my mom would let me take you."

"So you're not getting sick of me?" Meredith asked quietly.

Derek smiled and took a step towards her. "That's impossible."

She sighed with relief. She stepped into his arms and pressed her lips to his. He wrapped his arms around her waist and rocked back and forth for a second, supporting her weight. She rested her hands against his chest and enjoyed the feeling of being held. "You're still in my clothes," he murmured, his lips pressed into her hair.

"They smell like you," she said quietly. "It's comforting."

He smiled and shifted his lips to her forehead. "So do you want to come with me to Virginia?" he asked.

She nodded into his chest. "I do." She let out a long breath, clinging to him tighter. "So can you stay or do you have to get back home?"

"I can stay," he said.

She reached down and took his hand, leading him up the stairs and into her room. "Will your mom mind?" Derek asked as Meredith led him over to the bed.

Meredith shook her head. "She's in a good mood."

"I noticed," Derek said, chuckling. Meredith smiled and slipped under the covers, pulling him down next to her. He wrapped his arms around her, drawing her into his chest.

"She _was _actually defending me, wasn't she? I mean...she actually seemed concerned about me." Meredith shook her head in disbelief.

Derek shrugged. "She loves you."

Meredith guffawed as if this was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard. "She hates me."

"No, she doesn't," Derek insisted. "She's your mother. She loves you in the best way she knows how."

Meredith nodded. "It's not enough," she whispered.

"No," Derek agreed, "it's not. You deserve so much more. You deserve...everything."

Meredith smiled. "I just want you."

**OMG. They are sooooooooooooooo freakin cute. I love them. **

**So did anyone see the Grey's promo where Derek is dancing and Meredith is laughing? That definitely looked promising. I can't wait. Does anyone actually know when Grey's is coming back? I heard it's not until January 8th, which is basically tragic.**


	25. Leaving On a Jet Plane

Meredith was startled awake when her cell phone began ringing at one o'clock in the morning. She freed herself (with difficulty) from Derek's grasp and grabbed the phone, pressing it to her ear. "Hello?" she said groggily.

"Meredith?"

Meredith sat up straighter in bed. "Christina?"

"Yeah, yeah, it's me," she said. She sounded distracted.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" Meredith asked hastily.

"Well, _I'm _fine," Christina replied.

Meredith furrowed her brow at the emphasis Christina put on I. "What's going on, Chris?"

There was a pause on the other end. "Izzie needs us. She really...She just really needs us. You should come."

"Christina, what happ-"

"Just come."

The dial tone droned in Meredith's ear and she dropped the phone to her side. Derek sat up behind her and she leaned back into him, pressing her back into his chest. "Is everything okay?" he asked, pressing a kiss to her neck.

Meredith shook her head tiredly. "No," she admitted. "Something's wrong with Izzie. She needs me."

Meredith felt Derek nod behind her. "So you need to go to her? Now?"

Meredith nodded and turned her head towards him. "Yeah. I mean, I'll wait until the morning. But I need to go."

"So I guess you can't come to Virginia then," Derek murmured.

Meredith smiled. "No." She glanced up into his eyes. "But I'll be here waiting for you to come back."

"I like that," Derek said, grinning.

"I'm sure you do," Meredith said.

She turned in his arms and pushed him back against the bed before lying down on top of him. He wrapped his arms around her waist, gently pressing her body more firmly against his as she leaned down to press a kiss to his lips. She began to move her hips against his and he groaned softly against her lips. He gently rolled them over, pinning her underneath him, and pressed his thigh between her legs. She moaned softly, squeezing her eyes shut as she arched her body into him. "Derek..." she breathed, drawing him closer. "I don't think I can..."

"Don't worry," he whispered. "Pants are staying on."

"Good, because I don't know if I...I mean I haven't thought..."

He nodded. "I understand."

She nodded and pulled his lips down to hers again, parting her lips to allow him access into the contours of her mouth. He began to rub his thigh between her legs, eliciting a low moan from Meredith. He could feel his own desire flare within him and he took a deep breath, trying to stay in control.

He looked down at her, at her beautiful face in the shadowy moonlight. He smiled and reached for the hem of her shirt. He had promised he would leave her pants alone, but he hadn't said anything about her shirt. When he swept the light material off and tossed it to the floor, he groaned when he saw that she wasn't wearing a bra.

She smiled, watching his eyes darken with desire as his gaze swept over her body. She reached down and grabbed the edge of his own shirt, pulling it up over his head. She placed her hands, palm out, in the center of his chest and moved them outwards. She let one hand linger over his heart for an instant, spreading her fingers as his slightly quickened heartbeat vibrated against her fingertips.

She lifted her gaze back to his face and pulled him towards her, wanting to feel his body against hers, but he resisted, his arms straining from the effort. With a tempting frown, she tried to draw him close again, but he held back. Instead, he lowered his chest so that it barely grazed hers. She arched into him, but he pulled back. "Derek..." she moaned, squirming beneath him.

He continued his torture, barely touching her chest over and over again until she couldn't take it anymore. He finally pressed his chest against hers and the heat of his body radiated across her skin. She pressed a kiss to his lips and cheek and then, briefly, to his forehead. As he began to move hips against hers, she moved with him and together, their desire began to rise. It flooded their bodies, gradually building in intensity until finally, they climaxed together.

It felt amazing. Meredith had never known something could feel this amazing. She didn't even realize their were tears in her eyes until they spilled over onto her cheeks and Derek bent his head and swiftly kissed them away. "I love you so much," he murmured into her ear.

She squeezed her eyes shut and smiled. "I love you too," she whispered.

He rolled away from her, but immediately gathered her in his arms again. "I don't want to spend three weeks away from you," Meredith murmured into his chest.

"Me neither," Derek said softly, rubbing her back in soothing circles. "But you'll be waiting for me when I get back."

Meredith smiled. "I will be."

xxx

Meredith walked with Derek back to his house the next morning. Meredith paused on the sidewalk outside of his house. Derek turned back towards her. "You okay?"

"I don't think I should come in," Meredith said, glancing at the ground. "I don't want to make a big thing..."

Derek nodded knowingly. "I understand." He stepped closer to her and slipped his arms around her waist. She moved into him instinctively.

"I'll miss you," she told him softly.

"I'll miss you," he whispered, pressing his lips to her forehead.

She let out a long breath and leaned into him, closing her eyes. "We're so pathetic," she mumbled into his shirt.

"You make me pathetic," he said.

"Aw shucks, you're just too sweet," she said, laughing.

"I mean that in the most complimentary way," he said, grinning.

"Yeah, I got it," she said, lifting her gaze to meet his. "You make me pathetic too."

"Thank you," he murmured, lowering his lips towards hers.

"You're welcome," she breathed as he kissed her gently. She moved her hands up his chest and looped them around his neck, drawing him closer. He cradled the back of her head with one hand and applied pressure to her lower back with the other until their bodies were pressed together. After a while, Meredith drew her lips away from his and looked into his eyes. He didn't let go of her, though. He held her just as close as ever, his hands molding her against him.

She smiled slightly, sliding her hands from the back of his neck to his chest. "I should go," she said softly.

He nodded in agreement, but still didn't release her. He leaned forward and pressed one last kiss to her lips, before loosening his grasp around her and taking a step back. She reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze, before backing away from him. "I'll be waiting," she promised, not even trying to hide the wobble in her voice.

He nodded. "I'll be back soon."

xxx

"Oh, check it out, Meredith and Derek are outside," Anna announced as she and her three sisters as well as her mother were watching the morning news.

"Really?" Nancy exclaimed, leaping up from the couch to join Anna beside the window. "Are they making out?"

"No," Anna said, rolling her eyes.

Nancy squeezed next to Anna in the arm chair she had been occupying and took a looked for herself, pulling aside the curtain ever so slightly. She sighed when she realized Anna had been telling the truth. "How disappointing," she mumbled. "I was so sure they were together now."

"Everyone did," Susan pointed out from the couch. "I mean you guys saw them in Romeo and Juliet. They looked like they were...I mean they seemed like they were..."

"In love."

Everyone turned to look at Mrs. Shepherd at once. "What?" Sarah asked quietly.

Mrs. Shepherd shrugged. "They are in love with each other."

Everyone was silent for a minute, until Anna suddenly exclaimed, "He kissed her on the forehead! Oh, that is so sweet!"

"I love it when guys do that," Sarah said, smiling.

"Who cares about forehead kisses," Nancy said, turning to Sarah with an exasperated look. "Those are boring. We need something juicier."

"Is this juicy enough for you?" Anna asked.

Nancy whirled back to the window and peeked outside. She smiled triumphantly. "That's what I'm talking about."

Susan and Sarah, unable to contain themselves anymore leapt up and joined their two sisters by the window. "Oh my," Sarah said. "Do they realize they're in a public setting?"

"I hope the Smithfields don't see this. They got mad at Brad for holding my hand in eighth grade," Susan said.

"They didn't get mad at Brad for holding your hand. They got mad at Brad for being Brad," Anna said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Susan asked, but Anna wasn't paying attention anymore.

"Oh, now he's just holding her." She sighed. "Meredith is so lucky. I want a boyfriend like that."

"Ew," Nancy exclaimed, glancing at Anna. "That's our brother."

"Shut up, you know what I meant. I wish Mike were as sweet as that. The extent of our cuddling consists of him slinging his arm around my shoulder after sex."

"Dump him," Sarah advised.

"Maybe I will," Anna said airily.

"Look, she's leaving," Susan said softly, redirecting everyone's focus to the scene outside. "Look at the way he's looking at her," she said, shaking her head. "He is so in love with her."

"No doubt," Anna agreed.

"Oh crap, he's coming inside. Everyone act nonchalant," Nancy instructed.

Everyone leapt away from the window simultaneously and hastily arranged themselves around the room, so that when Derek walked inside and glanced into the living room, he was met with a very stiff-looking arrangement. He furrowed his eyebrows. "What're you guys doing?"

Mrs. Shepherd smiled at her son warmly. "Nothing, dear, why?"

**Hahahaha. I love Derek's family. That was so fun to write. Don't worry, I'll explain the Izzie situation next chapter. It's not that shocking. Here's a hint: when Meredith arrives at Izzie's house, she's lying on her bathroom floor. Good hint, huh? Plus you guys can look forward to a MerDer reunion scene. Yay! Please Review!**


	26. Wish You Were Here

Izzie's house was about three hours away from Meredith's house in a little town just outside of Seattle. Meredith left a message on her mom's cell phone as well as a scrawled note on the kitchen table, before walking to the nearest bus station.

It was a long ride. Meredith could already feel the ache in her chest that would no doubt worsen over the next three weeks. God, she was pathetic. But Derek was right, it felt good to miss someone so much that it hurt a little. It gave her something to live for, to breathe for, to wait for.

Finally, it was her stop and she walked off the bus, with her backpack in hand. She glanced at the address she had written on a piece of paper before leaving the house that morning. After wandering for a few minutes and asking a couple of people, she was able to find the street and then the house where Izzie lived. She suddenly felt stupid as she meandered up the walk towards the quaint little house. What was she supposed to say when her parents answered the door? She hadn't even been formally invited.

She made her way up the porch steps and raised her fist to knock. Before she could drop her hand, however, the door opened revealing Christina. "Christina," Meredith breathed in relief.

"Took you long enough," Christina muttered, grabbing Meredith's bag and dropping it on a chair.

"Chris, what is going on? Where are Izzie's parents?" Meredith asked as Christina dragged her into the house.

"On a cruise in the Bahamas," Christina said.

Meredith raised her eyebrows. She hadn't pegged Izzie for the absent-parents kind of girl. "Do they know that Izzie is..." She trailed off, realizing that she didn't really know what Izzie was. "Actually, what is going on with Izzie? You were amazingly vague over the phone."

"It's Denny," Christina said.

Meredith frowned. "Denny? Who the hell is Denny?"

"The camp counselor," Christina explained hastily.

"The counselor? The one that Izzie made out with?"

"That's the one."

Meredith frowned. "What does he have to do with anything?"

"He's dead," Christina said softly. "He's dead and Izzie is...she's not..." She paused and frowned. "She's lying on her bathroom floor in a pink dress."

"What?"

Christina shook her head. "She's all dark and twisty."

"But she barely knew him!" Meredith said, utterly confused.

"They were engaged."

"What?" Meredith exclaimed.

Christina raised a finger to her lips. "Apparently they ran off together or something after camp and were planning on eloping..." She trailed off and shook her head. "But that's not the point. The point is that Izzie is convinced that she loved him and that her life is basically over, so you have to talk to her."

Meredith frowned. "Me? Why me?"

"We both tried already," Christina explained.

"We? Who's we?"

"Me and George." Christina suddenly grabbed Meredith's hand and dragged her down a hallway. They stopped outside a door. Meredith was about to ask what the hell was going on, when George walked out of the door and stood in front of them.

"Oh, George," Meredith said.

Christina rolled her eyes. "How many Georges do you know?"

"Well, a couple..."

"Whatever," Christina said, cutting her off. "You need to go in there and talk to her."

"Why?" Meredith asked.

"Because," Christina explained, "you're all dark and twisty too."

"Dark and twisty," Meredith scoffed. "I am not dark and twisty."

"You are," Christina repeated. "Now go in there."

Meredith frowned at her, but reached for the door knob, turning it slowly and walking inside. Sure enough, there was Izzie, lying on the floor in a pink dress with her blonde hair framing her face. Absurdly, the metaphor that came into Meredith's mind was a broken-hearted, fairy-tale princess. It was ridiculous. The princesses in fairy tales never had broken hearts. They always got the happily ever after.

"Iz?" Meredith said, her voice soft. Izzie didn't respond and Meredith walked further into the room. "Iz, Chris told me what happened..." She shook her head. She was bad at this. "I'm so sorry. I can't imagine..."

"Yes you can." Her voice was so soft that Meredith wasn't even sure if she had spoken. Izzie lifted her sad eyes to Meredith. "Of course you can imagine."

Meredith sighed softly and lowered herself to the floor, lying down next to Izzie. She reached for Izzie's hand and grasped it in her hand. Izzie lifted a teary gaze to Meredith's face. "How would you feel if Derek died? Would you be able to...would you be able to live?" Izzie paused and squeezed her eyes shut. "Would you be able to breathe if he was gone?" She inhaled a shuttering breath and squeezed her eyes shut.

Meredith took a shaky breath and squeezed Izzie's fingers. "No," she admitted quietly.

"I know I didn't know him very long, but when I was with him, I just...I didn't want to be anywhere else, you know?"

Meredith nodded. "I know."

"God, how did I end up here?" Izzie sobbed. "Why am I alone? Where's Denny?"

Meredith felt a lone tear slip out of the corner of her eye. "You're not alone, Iz."

"Everyone probably thinks I'm ridiculous, right?" She shook her head. "They're waiting for me to freak out, they're waiting for me to lose it. I mean...that's what they expect. That's what people are supposed to do when their fiances die. And I'm happy to play the part, but I just..." She trailed off and blinked back the tears. "I just don't know what to do..."

"You don't have to do anything, Iz," Meredith told her quietly. "You can lay here or you can freak out or whatever. No one wants you to do anything."

"Okay," Izzie said softly. "I think I'll just...lie here for a little while longer." Meredith smiled and began to get up, but Izzie reached for her hand again. "Do you think you could stay for a while?"

Meredith nodded and lay back down. "Of course."

xxx

Meredith was jolted awake at dawn when her cell phone began ringing at her. She groaned and grabbed it, pressing it to her ear. "Do you know how early it is?" she mumbled.

"It's not early," Derek said on the other end. "It's 9:00."

"No, it's 6:00," Meredith grumbled. "Didn't you learn about time change?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot," Derek said, laughing.

"I hate you," Meredith said. "I'm tired. I want to sleep."

"You want me to call you back?" Derek asked.

"No," Meredith said. "I like hearing your voice."

"But you just said you wanted to sleep."

"I'm a fickle girl," Meredith said, giggling. She paused for a second. The ache in her chest throbbed slightly. "I miss you."

"I miss you too," Derek said.

"How's Virginia?" Meredith asked.

Derek sighed. "I think they figured it out."

Meredith frowned. "What?"

"I think my family knows we're together now," he explained.

Meredith froze. "H-how?"

"I don't know," Derek said. "But they keep dropping all these hints."

"Oh," Meredith breathed.

"Don't freak out," Derek begged softly.

Meredith shook her head and then realized disjointedly that he couldn't see her. "I'm not," she whispered. She took a deep breath. "I just...I don't know how I'm supposed to act around them now."

"Act the same as you always did," Derek told her.

"Yeah, but we're together now," Meredith said.

Derek didn't grasp the problem in that statement. "So?" he said slowly.

"I don't know...It's just weird," Meredith said hastily. Derek laughed. He couldn't help it. "Shut up, Derek, I'm being serious."

"I just don't see the problem here. It'll be the same as always except that when they leave, we'll make out."

"See!" Meredith exclaimed, her voice high. "Now it's weird again."

"You're right," Derek said seriously. "No, you're absolutely right. We won't touch. Ever."

"You're mocking me," Meredith accused.

"I am," Derek said, chuckling.

"I do not appreciate it."

Derek smiled. "Fine, I'll stop." He was silent for a minute. "In all seriousness, though, Meredith. Everything will be fine."

"You swear?"

"I swear," Derek told her.

She smiled, relaxing slightly. "Fine. I trust you."

"I'm glad," Derek said. "Okay, now I'll hang up so you can get some sleep. I'll call later."

"You swear?" Meredith asked.

"I swear."

**Even over the phone, those to are way too cute for their own good. Lol. Please review! Reunion scene coming up! Woot! Woot!**


	27. At Last

"How's Izzie?" Meredith asked Christina on the phone. It had been two weeks since Meredith had left Izzie's house, mainly because she had run out of clothes. Christina lived close enough to Izzie that she was able to check on her almost every day.

"She's baking," Christina said as if that were an explanation.

"So? That's good, isn't it? At least she's not lying on the bathroom floor anymore," Meredith said, frowning at the memory.

"No, Mer, you don't understand, she's _baking. _That's all she's doing. I don't even think she sleeps. There are muffins covering every surface of the house. And she won't stop. For anything. I think she's gone mental."

"She has not gone mental," Meredith said, rolling her eyes. "She just misses Denny."

"I don't get it," Christina said. "She barely knew the guy. How can she let her life fall apart over a guy she barely even knew?"

Meredith sighed. "I don't know...It's hard to explain."

"You mean you understand? You think it's okay to lose yourself as soon as you fall in love with someone?"

"Izzie has not lost herself. She's still Izzie. She still wants all the same things. She's not going to fling herself off a cliff just because Denny's gone," Meredith said. "But she lost someone she loves. It's like losing a piece of your heart. You've got to give her some time to be sad."

"Thank you for the explanation, Dr. Phil," Christina said.

"Shut up," Meredith told her, smiling. "Think about it this way. You've seen me and Derek, right?"

"Yeah, you two are nauseating," Christina mumbled.

"Right. So can you picture me _without _Derek?"

Christina thought for a moment. "Not really."

"Exactly. I'm still me, but I've just gotten so used to being _with_ Derek that if he ever died, it would take me a while to figure out how to be me _without _him."

"Yeah, I get it," Christina said. "And that is exactly why I am never falling in love."

"You're dead inside," Meredith said.

"No," Christina retorted. "I'm just sensible."

xxx

"When does your flight get in?" Meredith asked Derek later that afternoon.

"Around 10 o'clock," he told her. He sighed softly. "I can't wait to see you. I am so over my family right now."

"Well, my mom has a shift tonight so you can come over here," Meredith said, smiling.

"That sounds perfect," Derek said.

Meredith grinned, feeling her heart lift a little at the thought of seeing him. "So what gate are you arriving at?"

"Why?"

"Because I want to meet you," Meredith said as if it were the most obvious thing ever.

"You're meeting me at the airport?" Derek asked.

Meredith laughed. "You don't want me to?"

"No, no, of course I do," Derek said quickly. "It's just that..." He trailed off and was quiet for a minute. "You're amazing."

"I know," Meredith said with a giggle.

"I don't think you can get all the way to the gate anymore, though," Derek said.

"Well, I'll just get as close as I can," Meredith said.

Derek chuckled softly. "Okay, I'm arriving at gate 11 at 9:57."

"I'll be there," Meredith promised.

xxx

Meredith was stopped at a metal detector about a hundred yards away from the gate. She sat down on a bench and waited anxiously, continually glancing at her watch. 10:00 passed and he still wasn't there. At 10:05 images of plane crashes flooded her brain. At 10:10, she was practically frantic. She listed all the sensible reasons why he might be running late, but for some reason she couldn't get the image of a smoking plane hurtling towards the earth out of her mind. She considered bribing the security guy so he would let her through to the gate; she considered charging through the metal detectors like that boy in _Love Actually_, but decided she didn't want to be arrested.

But then she saw him and she felt okay. She stood up, smiling, and waved at him, but he had already spotted her. He practically ran down the corridor towards her. She felt as if she was in one of those epic love stories from the 30's as she watched him fly towards her. As he reached her, he dropped his bags without stopping and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close. She sighed happily and breathed in his smell, closing her eyes.

After holding her for a minute, he loosened his grasp slightly and pulled back to look at her face. "Hi," he said, grinning.

"Hi," she said, moving her hands up his chest to rest behind his neck.

"I missed you," he murmured as he leaned towards her to press his lips to hers. His touch was soft at first, but as she pulled him towards her more firmly, he gave in and kissed her deep and full on the mouth. She was only vaguely aware of the hoards of people streaming past them. In the back of her mind she also knew that his family was somewhere, waiting for him, but right then, in that moment, she really didn't care. And it felt good.

As he kissed her, she moved into him and pressed her body against his. They fit together perfectly, just like she remembered. He moved his hands over her back and ran his tongue along her lips. She parted them instinctively and the kiss deepened. She tilted her head up as he slipped his tongue in her mouth, eliciting a soft moan from the Meredith's throat. After a while, he pulled back and nibbled on her bottom lip, before pressing a kiss to the corner of her mouth. As he drew his lips away, he pressed his forehead against hers. She took a deep breath, her chest rising and falling unevenly and let her hands slide from the back of his neck to the center of his chest.

"I missed you too," she breathed.

He smiled, his face flushed and pulled back slightly. "Ready to go home?" She nodded wordlessly and he reached down to grab his bag with one hand, before grabbing her hand with the other.

xxx

Meredith was quiet on the ride home. Mrs. Shepherd had offered her a ride home and now she was sitting in the back seat next to Derek, her gaze fixed on the window. Ever since her conversation with Christina that morning, she couldn't stop thinking about what she would do if Derek died. It would be immeasurably cruel of the universe to take away the one person she had ever truly loved. She knew she would survive, though. Of that, she was positive and the knowledge was comforting. It was nice to know that if her worst case scenario actually came true, she would be okay. Maybe not happy, but okay.

Meredith turned from the window and looked at Derek, smiling slightly. Her gaze fell to their intertwined fingers, resting on the seat between them. _She would be okay. _

xxx

After dropping off his bags at his house, Meredith and Derek began walking towards her house. "You okay?" he asked her as they walked.

She turned towards him and nodded. "Yeah, I am."

"You were awfully quiet on the ride home," he said.

"I was just thinking about what I would do if I ever..." She paused and inclined her head towards the sidewalk. "If I ever lost you."

Derek immediately reached for her hand and she lifted her gaze to meet his. "You won't ever lose me. I'm never leaving you"

"I meant if you ever died, Derek," Meredith told him quietly.

He frowned at that. They walked in silence for a while. "What did you decide?" he asked her after a while.

"I decided that I would be okay," she admitted.

"You would be," he told her, his eyes full.

She smiled and pulled them both to a stop on the sidewalk. "Don't die, though, okay?" she asked, her voice soft.

He smiled and kissed her forehead softly. "I won't," he promised. She smiled and tilted her head towards him, pressing a kiss to his lips.

"Did I ever tell you why I had to go to Izzie?" she asked him.

He shook his head. "No, you never did."

"Her fiance died," Meredith explained, her voice still barely above a whisper. "And it broke her. And Christina doesn't understand."

"What do you mean?" Derek asked, furrowing his brow.

"I mean she doesn't think that it should've broken her. She thinks that it's impossible for her to truly be in love because she only knew the guy for a few weeks. She just...she doesn't get it." Meredith trailed off. While she was talking, her gaze had been fixed on something far off, but now she refocused on Derek's face. "Some people think that love can't matter until your thirty. Do you believe that?"

"No," Derek said immediately. "I used to, but now...now I don't. How could I? How could I believe that and feel like this?"

"Mmmm," Meredith murmured. "Good point. I don't believe it either."

Derek smiled and kissed her. "Now that we have that settled, you want to go get some sleep?"

Meredith nodded and together they walked the rest of the way home.

**Hope you enjoyed the reunion! The next chapter is a big one. I'll try to update soon! Reviews would be pretty awesometastic! **


	28. Beautiful Day

**WARNING: This chapter is rated M.**

Meredith woke up and nestled closer to Derek, smiling contentedly as he tightened his grasp around her. He rubbed her back gently, lifting her shirt slightly to press his fingers against her bare skin. She let out a little shiver as he traced her spine, before pressing his palm to her lower back. He opened his eyes and turned his face towards her. "Morning," he murmured, taking in her face with sleepy eyes.

"Morning," she returned.

"How'd you sleep?" he asked.

"Better than I have in three weeks," Meredith told him, smiling slightly.

"Same here," he said softly. "The smell of lavender definitely beats the smell of my grandma's sheets."

She giggled softly. "That bad?"

"They smelled like mildew and arthritis cream," he told her.

"Ew," she said, furrowing her brow. "That's gross. But I think I still beat you." She paused for a second, the frown fading from her face. "I actually spent a night on the bathroom floor with Izzie," she whispered, dropping her gaze from his face.

"Oh, Mer," he said softly, leaning towards her to press a kiss to her hair.

"It's fine," she said. "It really is, because you're here now."

"I am," he told her faithfully.

She smiled and, moving deliberately, rolled on top of him, fitting into all his parts and places. She sighed softly and she dipped her head to press a kiss to his lips.

He groaned softly into her mouth as she parted her lips, feeling the softness of his lips and the intoxicating wetness of his tongue. They explored each other's mouths lazily, moving their lips against one another, until he pulled back to suck gently on her bottom lip. She moaned softly into his mouth as he pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth and then her chin.

He rolled them over gently so that she was pinned under him. He took in her flushed face and glassy eyes and chest, rising and falling unevenly beneath him. She spread her legs a little and moaned when she felt his arousal pressing between her legs. He shifted against her slightly and she let out a little gasp, gripping his shirt between her fingers.

Watching her face intently, he shifted his weight onto one arm and moved his free hand along her side, across her stomach and to the edge of her shirt. He lifted it upwards slowly and she arched her back so that he could sweep it over her head. He then returned his hand to her stomach and slid it upwards towards her rib cage. He traced a path between her breasts and up her neck before resting his fingers against her jaw. He stroked her cheek softly with his thumb, before leaning down and pressing a kiss to her lips.

She lifted her body slightly to press it to his briefly, before reaching down and pulling his shirt up and over his head. He kissed her again, rubbing his chest lightly over hers. Nothing felt better than his bare skin against hers. Liquid fire pooled in the pit of her stomach as he kissed her, nibbling and sucking her lips. Her desire was more intense and more demanding than ever before.

He began to move his hips against hers again and heard her sharp intake of breath as his arousal pressed against her clit. She meant to say hold on, wait up, but somehow, she forgot and suddenly they were hurdling forward. They were doing all the things they always did, but faster and more.

Both of them felt it--this time was different. She had always been the one to pull back; she had always been the one to stop them before they went to far. But now she wasn't doing any of those thing. She was pulling him closer instead of pushing him back.

He pushed them over slightly so that they were lying on their sides, facing each other. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her against him, closing any remaining space between them. He kissed her over and over again until she was breathless with desire. "Mer, do you want to..." He couldn't finish the sentence, but she understood.

She focused on his face. She lifted her hand to his cheek and then, ever so slightly, she nodded. He held her gaze as he ran his hand down her side until he came to the edge of her panties. He hooked one finger around the edge and pulled them down slowly, sliding them down her thighs and over her calves, before slipping them off her ankles. And then she was naked in front of him. It wasn't as scary as she thought it would be. It felt good. She watched his gaze fall across her body, taking in every curve, every line as if she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

When he finally lifted his gaze back to her face she could feel the tears in her eyes. He leaned forward and kissed her softly, moving his lips against hers, as his hands roamed her body, feeling every surface that his eyes had taken in moments before. His fingers were warm, his touch gentle and electric all at once. He drew her closer until their bodies were touching once again, her breasts pressed to his chest, their legs intertwined.

There was only one piece of clothing between them and Meredith knew that they couldn't stop now even if they wanted to. And she didn't want to. It felt too good. She moved her hand to the waistband of his boxers and pulled them off, tossing them to the floor. He pulled back then and looked into her face. "Are you sure?" he asked softly.

She nodded wordlessly. She was sure. She really was. She loved him. This, she knew. He leaned away from her and pulled a condom out of the pocket of his jeans. He was back in a matter of seconds, drawing her close again. She could feel his hardness against her thigh. She began to move her hips in a circular motion and moaned as his erection slipped into her dripping folds. "Derek..." she moaned. She couldn't wait much longer.

He reached down and hooked his hand behind her knee, pulling her leg up high on his hip. He shifted towards her, but then stopped at the last second, leaving it up to her, letting her give her permission. She gave it. She shifted against him and he thrust gently, slipping inside her. She moaned softly and squeezed her eyes shut, pressing her hands against his chest.

He pressed a kiss to her forehead before beginning to move inside her. He pulled out slightly, before thrusting back into her, this time slightly harder. She sighed softly and moved her hands to his shoulders drawing him closer. He thrust into her over and over again, going deeper each time.

She could feel her desire begin to build, rising slowly as he moved inside her. She lifted her leg higher on his hip and moaned at the new angle. After a while, he paused and rolled them over so that he was on top. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he began to thrust into her again. With deep breath, she closed her eyes and let him take her wherever he wanted.

Meredith had never known sex could be this way. She had never known that sex could make her feel whole, instead of empty. She realized, suddenly, with a pang of remorse, that she had had sex at least a dozen times, but never with anyone that she cared about, let alone loved.

She opened her eyes again and watched Derek's face as he moved above her. She could tell by the way he held her, by the look in his eye, that he was focused on her pleasure just as much as his. She knew, with a flood of surety, that unlike every other guy she had dated, Derek would not be leaping out of bed as soon as it was over and pulling on his clothes quickly to make his escape. She knew that he would still be here in an hour, holding her and kissing her and making sure she was okay.

Meredith could suddenly feel herself begin to tighten around him. Derek sped up his pace slightly and she moaned, feeling her pleasure rise. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her lips as she began to climax. The pleasure washed over he like a wave, but Derek didn't stop his movements. He continued to thrust into her and almost immediately, Meredith could feel another one coming. This time, they climaxed together.

Derek relaxed against her, but didn't move right away. He leaned down and kissed her gently on the mouth and then, lovingly on her forehead. She smiled and let her eyelids fall shut as he lay down next to her, pulling her against him. "I love you," he told her.

"I love you," she said. "More than I ever thought possible."

They lay in silence for a while, her head resting against his chest, his fingers tracing her spine. "How do you feel?" he asked her after a while.

"I feel...I don't know..." She shook her head slightly. "Loved, I guess. And happy."

"I'm happy too," he murmured, kissing her hair. She smiled and pulled herself closer to him. "What do you want to do today?" he asked her.

"I don't know," she said. "What do you want to do?"

"I don't know either," he told her. "I just know I don't want to be anywhere without you."

She felt tears in the corners of her eyes and she squeezed them shut. She wanted to feel like this forever. "I think I have an idea," she said after a while.

xxx

They walked out her back door and across her lawn towards the creek. They walked single-file along the path through the patch of woods at the edge of her property and emerged at its shore. "This was a good idea," he said.

They gazed out across the water together in silence. "We met here," she told him with a sigh.

"How could I forget?" he said, laughing. "You were very charming. Accusing me of being a rapist and a murderer"

"I did not accuse!" she exclaimed, swatting his arm. "I asked, very politely, if you were either of those things."

"You definitely implied," he told her.

"Oh God," she muttered, shaking her head. "What did you think of me?"

"I thought you were the most beautiful thing I ever saw," he confessed.

She turned her head towards him, narrowing her eyes. "Liar."

"No, seriously," he said. "Before you accused me of being a sociopath-"

"Murderer," she corrected him.

"Right. Before you accused me of being a _murderer _you were very beautiful."

"I wasn't afterwards?" she asked, pretending to be hurt.

"Of course you were," he told her. "You still are. I just meant the whole scene was beautiful. It was like a painting." He smiled and turned towards her, wrapping his arms around her waist. "You staring out across the water, frowning as your golden hair fluttered in the breeze." He shrugged. "That was it. I was in love with you."

She smiled up at him, her eyes shiny with tears. "Derek..."

"But then you went and called me a rapist and it was over."

She laughed, hitting his chest lightly. "Liar."

He smiled down at her and drew her closer, pressing a kiss to her lips. "You're right. I've loved you forever." She smiled and he kissed her again.

"Thank you," she whispered between kisses. "For everything."

**Sigh. I would so marry Derek if he weren't a fictional character. Lol. I hope everyone liked this chapter! REVIEW!**


	29. Keep Breathing

Derek was surprised when he woke up and found himself in bed alone. Still half asleep, he stretched his arm across the empty space where Meredith should've been, almost expecting her to be buried in the rumpled sheets. But she wasn't. He was alone.

He rolled off the bed and walked into the hallway. He tiptoed towards the bathroom, careful not to wake his sisters and tapped on the door. "Mer?" he whispered. "You in there?"

"Yeah," she called back.

He furrowed his brow. He could sense that something was wrong even just from that one word. "You okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine, Derek." Meredith knew she came off sounding snappy, her voice hard, but she knew that if she didn't work to keep her voice steady, he would immediately know that something really was wrong.

"Oh," he said. His tone was confused. He _felt _confused. She sounded angry and he didn't know why. "Okay."

Meredith sighed as she listened to his retreating footsteps and looked at herself in the mirror. This could not be happening. Not here. Not _now. _Not when she was supposed to start her senior year of high school in two days. She sighed again and took a step back, sinking down to the floor and pressing her back to the cool porcelain of the bathtub.

She closed her eyes and did the math again, counting the days off on her fingers. One month since they had sex. One month and thirteen days since her last period. She thought of getting up. She thought of going down to the drugstore and buying a pregnancy test. She pictured herself standing around and waiting as the seconds ticked by. Positive or negative. But she didn't do any of those things. When she opened her eyes again, she was still sitting on the bathroom floor in the house of the person she loved the most in the world.

He would be worrying. She knew he would be. Grabbing the edge of the sink, she pulled herself to her feet and turned towards the door. Even as she reached for the doorknob she could feel her body folding in on itself. In protection. In defense. In desperation.

He was standing in the hallway. He straightened up when she emerged from the bathroom. She could barely meet his eyes. _How did this happen? _she felt like asking him. This is what happened to tragic girls who weren't careful. "Are you sure you're okay?" he asked her.

For a fleeting instant she imagined herself telling him everything. She knew he would share the burden. Worry just as much as she did as they waited for her period to come...or not. She didn't, though. She had the habit of keeping bad news to herself, tucking it into a corner of her brain and trying to forget about it. "Yes, I am," she said, struggling to keep her voice from shaking.

"Okay," he said. But he knew something was wrong. He could see how much she was fighting not to let herself fall apart. Every muscle in her body was tense. "It's early," he murmured. "You want to go back to bed?"

"No, I think I'm going to head home," she whispered.

"Okay," he said. She looked up at his face and his expression was pained. "Do you want to come back for dinner?" he asked.

"Sure," she said, her tone lifeless.

He took a step towards her and hesitated. It was an odd feeling, not knowing how to act around her. He pressed a soft kiss to her lips and began to pull away, but paused, his lips only centimeters from hers.

She felt her body lean back into him instinctively. She could control her stance and her voice and her expression, but she couldn't control this--this strange sway he had over her. She pressed her lips to his and felt him respond immediately, wrapping his arms around her waist and drawing her body against his.

She wondered, as he kissed her, what was wrong with her. How strange to not tell this person who loved her that it felt as if her world was crumbling around her. How strange to pull away from him and leave him in the dark. How strange to suffer in silence when comfort was so close by. But she knew that was the way it would be. She knew the way she was.

The kiss deepened as she parted her lips and let him sweep his tongue across hers. The kiss was oddly urgent, oddly desperate. Her hands, which had been resting against his chest, now clutched his shirt. His fingers, which had been on her lower back, drawing her closer, were now pushing her t-shirt upward and running across her bare back.

He pulled back for an instant and took in her dazed expression. He lifted his hands and brushed the hair out of her face, before sliding his palms down the sides of her face and resting them against her cheeks. He drew her face towards him again and kissed her parted lips.

She tilted her head up to meet his lips, moving her hands up his chest and winding her arms around his neck. "Don't go," he whispered against her lips.

She froze suddenly as everything came flooding back into her consciousness. "I, um, I can't," she said, taking a step away from him.

"Why?" he asked, his eyes full.

"Because I...I have to go," she said vaguely.

"What is wrong?" he asked, leaning towards her slightly, putting emphasis on each word.

"Nothing, okay?" she said, suddenly annoyed. "Everything's just peachy."

"Fine," he said, his look suddenly melting into an odd, strained serenity.

"Fine," she echoed, knowing how childish she sounded. She sighed and brushed past him, striding down the hall and down the stairs and out into the early morning sunshine. She waited until she was halfway to her house to start crying.

xxx

It was _unfair. _That was the conclusion she had drawn after lying on her bed all day. It was unfair of the universe to do this to her. She had been happy. Really, truly, utterly _happy. _Maybe, she mused, it was all just a big balancing act. She and Derek had already taken their allotted share of happiness. She supposed this would definitely even that out. This could take away her everything. _This _could break them apart. And then how was she supposed to live?

She forced herself to backtrack. Maybe she wasn't pregnant. Maybe this was just a fluke. It happened. She knew it did. It had happened before.

_Thirteen days. _

It suddenly seemed like an awfully long time.

As she lay there, she shifted her gaze from the ceiling to her stomach. A strange sinking feeling overwhelmed her. This was not supposed to happen yet. This part of the story was supposed to come later. When she was...better. When she didn't have so many mommy issues and daddy issues and boy issues.

She placed her fingers on her stomach hesitantly. Suddenly, that gesture seemed so loaded. It had the potential to mean so much more than it usually did. Her hands felt clammy. She dropped her arm to her side.

She realized how late it was. She realized she had promised Derek she would come back. She rolled out of bed.

xxx

He met her in the foyer. "You came," he said and he tried not to sound surprised.

"I told you I would," she said. She walked over to him and looked up into his face.

"Dinner's ready," he murmured. "Everyone's already in the dining room."

She nodded and followed him inside. "Meredith!" Mrs. Shepherd exclaimed, when Meredith walked into the dining room. "We missed you at breakfast."

"Yeah, I had to leave early," Meredith said quietly, taking a seat next to Derek.

"Well, I'm glad you could make it tonight," she said, sitting down as well.

"It was weird without you here," Derek said, smiling. "I didn't know what to do with myself."

"I'm sure you figured out something," Meredith muttered.

Derek bowed his head toward his plate as all four of his sisters plus his mom raised their eyebrows and shot Derek a confused look. He ignored them. "You okay, Mer?" Anna asked.

Meredith lifted her gaze to look Derek's youngest sister in the eye. "Yes," she said levelly, "I am." How many times would she have to say that for it to actually be true?

As the plates began making their way around the table, Meredith realized she wasn't hungry at all. She passed most of the platters on to Derek without taking any food. "Not hungry?" Derek asked.

"No, not really," Meredith said, trying to keep the bite out of her tone. Why was she suddenly so annoyed by everything he said?

"How strange for you," Nancy commented.

Meredith bit back yet another sarcastic comment.

"Are you sick?" Susan asked.

"No, I'm just not hungry, okay?" Meredith said.

"Sorry I asked," Susan mumbled, looking at her plate.

Meredith squeezed her eyes shut as a wave of guilt washed over her. She knew that she would regret anything that she said at this point. She was too on edge to be here. She stood up. "I'm sorry," she said, "I have to go."

"Meredith, you don't have to..." Mrs. Shepherd began.

"No, really," Meredith insisted, "I should go." She began backing out of the room. "Thank you so much for inviting me..." She trailed off as she backed away towards the door.

Derek stood up as she left the room and followed her out into the hallway. "Something is wrong," he said.

She was at the door, but she turned to face him. "How intuitive of you." She tried to ignore the hurt that flashed across his face as she opened the door and walked outside.

She heard his footsteps behind her as he followed her out to the sidewalk. "That's like the third time you've snapped at me all day. Why won't you just tell me what's wrong?"

She squeezed her eyes shut for a split second. "I'm late," she said, not slowing her pace.

She heard his footsteps stop abruptly. "Fine. Go."

Now she was the one who stopped. She turned towards him. "No, Derek, I'm late."

Understanding dawned on his face. He opened his mouth slightly, but didn't say anything. He didn't look at her. "H-how late?" he asked.

She swallowed. "Um, almost two weeks."

He nodded vaguely. He looked at her face, his expression dazed. "That's not that late, is it?"

"It is for me," she said, the words catching in her throat.

He nodded again. "Okay." He shook his head. "Okay." He was silent for what seemed like ages. "Are you okay?" he finally asked for the tenth time that day. It meant so much more now.

"Am _I _okay?" she repeated. She scoffed. "Yeah, I'm great. I'm just fan-freaking-tastic. I might be pregnant. _Pregnant. _There might be a human being growing inside of me, but no, really, don't worry about me. I'll be fine, just fine." She knew she sounded slightly hysterical, but she couldn't help herself. "God, how did this happen? How did _this _happen to _us. _It's just...It's so unfair. It's so unfair, Derek. It's so unfair." Her voice trailed off as she stared at him helplessly. She suddenly felt very, very tired. She couldn't quite feel her knees. She swayed slightly and was only vaguely aware that she was fainting.

And then he was right there, all around her, wrapping her up in his arms and holding her up. She clung to him. She focused on his face as he leaned towards her and pressed a kiss to her forehead. _It's so unfair. _

**Phew! Dramatic, eh? Lol. Hope you enjoyed! PLEASE REVIEW!**


	30. Take Me Away From Here

Meredith let Derek lead her back into his house. The rest of his family was still eating, so they were able to make it up the stairs without being seen. She probably wouldn't have noticed if they were lined up staring at her though. She was tired. She didn't want to yell anymore. She didn't want to cry anymore. She didn't want to think anymore.

She lay down on Derek's bed, facing the wall and waited as he slipped off her shoes before lying down behind her. She tried not to flinch as he wrapped his arm around her stomach and pulled her back against his chest. He always did that. Why should it be any different now?

Meredith fell into a fitful sleep. She woke up every now and then to find that Derek's arms still encircled her. Why was she repeatedly surprised by that fact? Did she really not trust that he would stay? After all this? After all of his reassurances, after all of his vows, after all of his promises, did she really expect him to leave at the first sign of trouble?

In the middle of the night, she woke up and couldn't fall back asleep. "You awake?" she whispered into the darkness.

"Yeah" was the muffled response.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked him. As if she actually _had _to ask.

"I was thinking...I could get a job," he answered quietly.

She stiffened in his arms. "Why would you get a job?"

He ignored her question and continued with his imaginary scenario. "I could get a job and we could get an apartment or maybe you could just move in here..."

"Derek," she said, "what are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the fact that you might be pregnant," he said.

"Yeah," she said, pulling out of his arms and turning to face him. "Yeah, I might be pregnant. So what?"

"So," he said slowly, looking at her strangely, "ifyou _are_ pregnant, we're going to need a place to live and a way to support us and the baby. I could drop out of school and get a job somewhere..."

She raised a hand to silence him. "Drop out of school? Derek, don't be ridiculous. You want to go to college, to med school. You want to be a doctor."

"Yeah, I do, but I wouldn't just abandon you with a baby..."

"I know you wouldn't, but who ever said I would have the baby?" Meredith said. "What about _my_ future? What about what _I_ want to do? Am I supposed to throw everything away just because the stick turns blue?"

He was quiet, regarding her carefully. "You would get an abortion."

Meredith flinched away from the accusation. She knew he was a Catholic. She knew how hard it would be for him if she did have to get an abortion, but there was no doubt in her mind that if the stick _did _turn blue, that was what she would do. She wasn't ready to have a kid. She was a mess and she wouldn't bring a child into a world that was uncertain and breakable. "Yes," she said, as gently as she could. "I would get an abortion."

He closed his eyes and rolled away from her, onto his back. She tucked her hand under her cheek and studied his silhouette in the pale moonlight streaming through his windows. "Derek, you know it would be hard for me too. As soon as that stick turned blue I wouldn't be able to stop myself from falling in love with that baby. I couldn't help but fall in love with anything that was a part of you." She paused. He was still staring up at the ceiling, his eyes tight. "I would fall in love and that's why I couldn't bare to bring a baby into this world that wasn't wanted."

"It would be wanted," he said, his expression suddenly fierce with passion.

"Derek," she said as reasonably as she could, "think about what you're saying."

"We could raise it," he said as if trying to convince himself. "We could take care of it."

"Think of what you're asking of me," she said, her voice quiet. "You're asking me to give up my future." He squeezed his eyes shut and turned his head to the side, away from her. She sighed softly. "We should stop talking about this. I'm taking a pregnancy test in the morning. We don't have to go through this until we know for sure."

He turned his head towards her, his expression suddenly much softer. "No, I want to go through this," he said quietly. "I _want_ to talk about this."

Meredith furrowed her brow slightly. "Why?"

"Because..." He shook his head. "Because I want to talk about _everything _with you."

She smiled slightly, her mouth tugging upwards at the corners. "Even if it hurts?"

"Even then," he whispered. "Why put it off?"

"Because..." She swallowed. "Because we have forever to talk about these things."

"If you have forever, why not just do it now?" he asked.

She smiled and dropped her gaze from his face. "Good question," she murmured.

He smiled and reached his hand towards her face, running his thumb down her cheek. "I guess that would be asking too much of you," he whispered. "I can't expect you to give up your future."

"I can't expect you to either," she whispered back. "I know that if I had a baby now, you would give up everything to take care of it. And I can't ask you to do that."

"I _would _do it, though," he told her.

She smiled. "I know. You wouldn't be you if you didn't."

He turned onto his side again, facing her. She leaned towards him and kissed him softly, moving her hand up his chest to press her fingers lightly to his cheek. He reached up and wrapped his hand around her fingers, squeezing them gently. "I love you," he murmured into her lips.

"I know," she whispered. "I love you too. So much."

xxx

In the morning, Derek made some excuse about wanting to go see a movie and got his mom to give him the car. Meredith was quiet during the fifteen minute trip to the drugstore. He kept glancing at her, trying to get a good look at her face without swerving off the road, but her head was turned towards the window.

"Mer?" he asked. She turned towards him. Her expression was thoughtful, but he could see the fear in her eyes. "You okay?"

"Derek," she groaned. "Please stop asking me that."

"Sorry," he mumbled. He was silent for about five seconds. "But are you sure you're fine?"

She glared at him, but didn't immediately dismiss the question. She turned her gaze towards the scenery blurring past. "No, I'm not sure at all."

He turned into the parking lot of the store and cut the engine. She looked at him, her gaze imploring. "Do you want me to come?"

She dropped his gaze and he immediately kicked himself for even asking. He knew she would tell him that she would be fine even if she wanted him to come. "Um..." She was stalling. He knew she wanted him to come. "If you don't want to..."

"No," he said, jumping in. "I do."

She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Okay."

She opened the car door and stepped out. Derek was by her side in a second, reaching down to slip his fingers between hers. They walked into the store. Meredith felt an odd sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach as they found the aisle where the pregnancy tests were. She eyed the choices. There were so many choices, row upon row of brightly colored boxes, some with pictures of smiling women. _Quick response! _they all vowed. _Guaranteed results! _

The exclamation points at the end of these promises made Meredith want to puke more than the promises themselves. As if this was a joyous occasion. As if she was supposed to be giddy with excitement and anticipation. She realized that most women would welcome the celebratory exclamation points, the fervent promises of speedy results. She sighed. She guessed that when the manufacturing companies decided on the bright colors and exclamation points, they weren't banking on having tragic teenage girls as their primary customers.

She grabbed the nearest box, suddenly annoyed and quickly made her way towards the checkout. Derek had to jog a few steps to catch up with her. "Meredith?" he asked.

"I'm fine, Derek." She gave the answer before he could ask the inevitable question. "I just want to get this over with."

"Okay."

She dropped the box on the checkout counter and pulled some money out of her purse. "Is that all?" the cashier asked.

Meredith glanced up at him. He was probably younger than her and he seemed to be slightly scared of her. She realized that she might look kind of fierce and tried to soften her expression. "Yes, that's it," she said.

"Okay," he mumbled. "Your total is 13.99."

Meredith sighed at the price. Derek, who had been standing slightly behind her took a step forward. "Meredith, I can pay for-"

"No, Derek, I got it," she told him, handing the cashier her money. He took it and got her change, handing it to her quickly. He began to reach for a bag to put the box in, but Meredith stopped him. "Don't bother," she said, swiping the test of the counter. "Do you have a bathroom?' she asked.

The cashier nodded and pointed towards the back. Meredith began to walk towards where he pointed. Derek followed her. Meredith gripped the pregnancy test box in her hand as she walked, feeling more and more annoyed. At everything. The nervous cashier, with his trembling voice and his trembling hands, the colorful boxes lined up, row after row, with their exclamation points and happy pictures, Derek's attempt to pay, Derek's attempts to make everything better, Derek's inability to make everything better...

The universe for making her go through this.

But once she reached the door to the bathroom she paused and her death grip on the box in her hand loosened. She turned towards Derek, feeling as the annoyance faded, as it was replaced by something else. Something worse. Something along the lines of fear. Something along the lines of hopelessness.

Her shoulders sagged. She leaned back against the wall. "I don't know if I can do this," she whispered.

Derek moved closer to her immediately. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her against his body so that he was supporting her instead of the wall. "You _can _do this," he told her.

"I'm scared," she said into his chest.

"I know," he murmured, his voice soft. "It'll be over in a second." He paused and pulled back slightly to kiss her forehead. "You can do this, Meredith."

She lifted her head to look at him. "Okay," she breathed.

He smiled reassuringly. "Okay."

**Haha. Anyone notice anything familiar about that conversation? I didn't actually intend on making it the exact same conversation they had in the bomb episode, but when it started to go in that direction, I couldn't help myself. **

**Hope you liked it! Sorry to leave you hanging again... REVIEW!**


	31. Now I Can Breathe

Meredith stood with her back pressed against the wall of the tiny bathroom. Across the room, the pregnancy test she had just taken sat on the edge of the sink. Outside, Derek was standing with his ear pressed to the bathroom door. "Mer? Can I come in?"

"I, uh..." Meredith shook her head, eyeing the test warily. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess you can..."

Derek opened the door and walked in. He looked from the test to Meredith. "What are you doing?" he asked, walking over to stand next to her.

"Keeping my distance," Meredith said, never taking her eyes off the little white stick.

"It's not a bomb, Mer."

She scowled. "It practically is."

"Mmmm," Derek said, nodding seriously.

Meredith glanced at her watch. "It's been three minutes," she said quietly.

"Oh," Derek said and his mouth froze in the shape of the O.

"I'll look," Meredith volunteered. She took one step towards the sink. She stopped and turned back to face him. "I can't look."

Derek nodded. "I'll look."

Meredith took his place on the wall as he stepped forward. It seemed to take a very long time for him to walk the five feet to the sink. He glanced down at the test, perched next to the faucet. Meredith stopped breathing as she waited for him to say something. He picked up the test and lifted it closer to his face. She felt her heart still. "Derek?" Meredith breathed. Derek shifted from one foot to the other. Meredith wished he would turn around.

"Is it positive or negative?" Her voice was a thin trail of sound.

He turned around slowly, his head still bowed towards the test in his hands. "It's..." He lifted his gaze to her face. "Negative."

Meredith inhaled a shaky breath as she stared at his face. Heart thumped out one shaky beat. "Really?"

He smiled. He held up the test. "Really."

She slumped back against the wall and covered her face with her hands. "Oh my God," she breathed as the relief washed through her. "Oh my God."

"Mer?"

Meredith dropped her hands from her face and smiled at him. "Oh my God," she said, her voice higher than usual.

He smiled, letting out a little laugh. "You okay?"

She shook her head as tears began to brim behind her eyelids. She squeezed her eyes shut and they spilled down her cheeks. "I'm so relieved," she breathed, her voice hitching slightly.

He tossed the test in the trash and took a couple steps closer to her. He reached out and brushed the hair out of her face, before swiping away her tears with the pads of his thumbs. "Me too," he said, smiling.

"God, I'm just..." She shook her head and reached out, placing her hand in the center of his chest. "I was so scared."

He smiled a small smile. He felt the relief well up in him. It was like a drug. "Me too," he murmured, his gaze shifting to her lips. He placed his hands on her hips and tugged her forward gently.

She shifted closer to him and pressed her body against his. "Thank you for staying here...with me," she murmured.

"You're welcome," he told her. He slid his hands from her hips and wound them around her waist.

They stopped talking then. What was there to say? _Jesus Christ, we sure did dodge a bullet there, eh? _That particular sentiment was kind of understood. There weren't any words left. He pushed her back against the wall. She moved her hands down his chest and tugged on the edge of his shirt, pulling him closer. He pressed his body against hers, pinning her against the wall and leaned towards her ever so slightly.

She parted her lips as he kissed her deep and full on the mouth. She felt so relieved. Happy. Grateful almost, for him. He had stayed with her. He was still _here. _She gasped slightly as he moved closer, pressing his thigh between her legs. He was still here. She ran her tongue along his lips and he parted them. He was still here.

His hands shifted her shirt upwards. His cool fingers pressed against her bare back. Touching her. Holding her. She wanted more. She suddenly felt so desperate. So _hungry._ She lifted his shirt over his head and moved her hands over his bare skin. He groaned softly against her lips and dipped his head to press a kiss to her collarbone. "Derek..." she breathed.

"Yeah?" he murmured. His mouth was on her shoulder.

"Tell me you love me," she whispered. Her voice only trembled a little bit.

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him, lifting her away from the wall slightly. "I love you," he said. He pulled her shirt up over her head.

The feeling of his bare skin against hers was like no other. "Tell me again," she said, breathless.

His mouth found hers again. Nipping. Sucking. Kissing. "I love you," he promised. His voice was deep and throaty. He said the words like they were vows. As if he were worshipping some God. It was intoxicating. She ran her hands across his chest, his shoulders, his back. She wound them in his hair.

He pressed her against the wall again, his movements slightly rougher. He moved his hands up her sides and lifted her arms up, pinning them over her head. She couldn't move. She wouldn't move. His face was so close and so beautiful even in this harsh fluorescent light. She wanted him to kiss her. She wanted him to say it again. "One more time," she breathed.

"I love he," he swore fervently. He pressed his mouth lightly to her parted lips. He breathed into her. "I love you."

He relaxed his grip around her wrists and she let her arms fall away from the wall. She let them find their way around his neck as his found their way around her waist. "I love you too."

xxx

Derek pulled out of the parking lot, but didn't turn the car towards his house. "School starts tomorrow," he said.

She smiled. Thinking that she might be pregnant was such a grownup thing to worry about. School seemed inconsequential, almost juvenile in comparison. She swore that she would never take worrying about a test or a project for granted ever again. "Do you have your supplied and stuff?" he asked.

She shook her head. "No, actually."

He grinned. "Good. We can shop together."

She laughed at him. It felt so good to feel good again. "You're such a girl."

"Shut up," he grumbled, as he pulled into a Target parking lot.

"You're not going to buy me a matching book bag and force me to decorate my locker with sequences, are you?"

He gave her a look. "Fine. I'll think of something else."

She laughed again and he grinned at her.

xxx

Shopping for school supplies was boring. It was normal. Mundane. Calming. Lovely. It felt good to argue over the color of pencil boxes and what type of pens wrote the smoothest. It felt good to be able to be a kid again, when they had come so close to being forced prematurely into adulthood.

They picked out notebooks. They bought binders. Meredith forced Derek to buy the flowery book cover. They kissed by the erasers. Derek pushed Meredith in the cart. Meredith pushed the cart into Derek. Derek tried to persuade Meredith to buy the Hannah Montana backpack to no avail.

They drove home with a mountain of bags in the back seat. "It smells like school in here," Meredith complained, rolling down her window.

"You don't like school?"

"I just don't want this summer to end," Meredith told him.

Derek smiled at her. "Me neither."

"Are you still going to be my friend at school or are you going to ditch me to sit at the cool kids table?" Meredith asked him.

He laughed at her. "I think I'd have a better chance of sitting at the cool kids table if you were with me. Having a hot girlfriend is definitely a plus in terms of popularity."

"Oh, so you're going to use me as an in and _then _ditch me," Meredith said, nodding knowingly.

"Yes, you've figured me out. That has been my plan all along," Derek told her.

"I knew it," she muttered, shaking her head.

He was quiet for a beat, then he glanced over at her. "You'll still be my friend. My best friend," he promised.

"I better be," Meredith told him. "Or I'm going to ditch _you _in favor of the cool kids table."

They had reached his house and Derek pulled into his driveway. Derek got out of the car quickly and ran around to Meredith's side to open her door for her. "Why thank you, sir," she said as she stepped out of the car.

"You're quite welcome, my lady," Derek replied, bowing grandly as she walked around the door.

She giggled at him as he slammed the door with a flourish. "Thank you," she told him.

He smiled, straightening up. "Ah, it was nothing," he said.

"No, really," she insisted, reaching out and taking his hand. "Thank you. For everything."

He smiled and moved closer to her, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "You're welcome," he said, more seriously this time.

She looked up into his face, a small smile playing on her lips. "I'm okay now," she told him.

"You're okay now."

**Derek is practically too good to be true. It's ridiculous. **

**So about the whole pregnancy scare...I never actually intended on making Meredith pregnant, but I did want them to have that conversation about abortion. The topic has been on my mind lately and I wanted to find a way to include the issue in one of my stories. I decided to bring it close to home and have Meredith think she might be pregnant, so that the conversation between her and Derek would be more personal, more intimate. **

**I also wanted to include it, just because I feel it's an issue that needs to be talked about. For a really long time I felt like abortion was avoided on TV and movies. It hasn't been until recently that the topic has come up and actually been discussed on shows. There was recently a Private Practice episode that touched on it actually. I mean, it **_**is**_** hard. Abortion is a very touchy subject. There are so many ways of seeing it, so many ways of coming at it. I hate it when people try to make it a cut and dry issue. Because it's not. How could it be? I just think it's important for girls/women to feel as if it is truly an option that is open to them. They need to have all the information so that they can make the decision that is best for **_**them. **_

**Anyway, now that I've ranted for like an hour... Lol. Get ready for Grey's tomorrow! Yay! **


	32. Author's Note: Please Read!

Hi everybody—

An anonymous reviewer brought something to my attention that I wanted to mention. A scene in my last chapter was very similar to a chapter in a story called "Love in the Time of Science" by Morgen82. I know I hate it when people steal _my _ideas, so in case Morgen82 is reading this (doubtful, but you never know) I just really want to make it clear that I did not intentionally steal the idea. Although, I probably should mention that I got the idea from a friend of mine who also reads a lot of Grey's fanfiction and she might have read Morgen82's story. Yeah. Probably should check my sources more thoroughly so I don't unintentionally plagiarize again. I apologize to anyone else who noticed the similarity and thank you to the anonymous reviewer who pointed it out to me.

-M


	33. Oversleeping

**Hi everybody! I'm so sorry I haven't update in a little while…well, a long while actually. I've just been swamped with schoolwork ever since I got back from winter break. But I'm going to try to update more often now!**

**So when we last saw Meredith and Derek they were shopping for school supplies and enjoying acting a bit like little kids after Meredith's pregnancy scare. This chapter picks up the next morning, the day before their first day of senior year in high school. **

Meredith opened her eyes and yawned, stretching languidly before settling back into the warmth of Derek's arms. She could feel him begin to wake up, his grasp around her tightening as he made the transition into consciousness. He pulled her closer. He loved the way her body felt curved against his. She stretched her arm across his stomach, her face pressed into his chest as she let out another yawn. "Meredith," he murmured, his voice low. He didn't say anything more, just her name and she smiled at the way it sounded on his lips.

She loved the way his voice sounded in the morning. Actually, she loved everything about him in the morning. The way his blue eyes were almost indigo with sleep. The way his stubble was a slightly darker shadow along his jaw than when they went to sleep. The way he smelled before it was obscured by shampoo and hair gel and aftershave. And his voice. Especially his voice. Low and husky and raw. She loved the way her name sounded when he said it in the morning.

She lifted her head a little to glance up at his face. "Morning," she mumbled, absentmindedly running her fingers across his chest.

He tilted his head towards her, running his fingers through her hair. "Ready for school?"

She groaned and turned her face into his chest again. "Derek," she moaned. "I was in a good mood. And you ruined it."

Derek chuckled. That was another thing—she _loved _his laugh in the morning. It was more hoarse than in the daytime and much sexier she thought. "I'm sorry," he said. He glanced at the clock on his bedside table. By some miracle of fate, they had woken up twenty minutes before the time he had set the alarm for. He turned his attention back to Meredith. Her eyes were shut, her nose slightly scrunched up in what looked like concentration as if she was trying really hard to fall back into a particularly good dream. "How 'bout I make it up to you?" he suggested.

She opened her eyes at that, the corners of her mouth tugging upwards. "Mmmm," she hummed, her eyes drifting shut again. "I like that idea."

He smiled down at her, his expression one of pure amusement. His hand drifted down her back, his fingers running over her spine lightly. She shivered slightly beneath his touch and pressed herself closer to him instinctively. He pushed her back against the bed and rolled on top of her, suspending his weight in his arms. She kept her eyes closed, a small smile playing on her lips as she ran her hands up his arms and over his shoulders and across the taught muscles of his back.

He bent his head down to kiss her neck softly, trailing his lips upwards to her jaw and across her chin. She moaned softly her breath warm against his cheek and the sound awoke an aching desire in him. He pressed his thigh between her legs causing her to whimper and squirm beneath him, gripping his shirt in her hands. "Derek…school…" Her voice was ragged, her chest rising and falling unevenly.

"We have time," he insisted, but it was hardly necessary. She had already pulled his shirt up and over his head before he could even finish the sentence.

She moved her hands across his bare skin, trailing her fingers through the hairs scattered in the center of his chest before letting them drift downwards to the edge of his boxers. He sucked in a sharp breath and bowed his head towards her, barely brushing his lips against hers. His bangs brushed against her forehead as she parted her lips breathing in as he breathed out, his breath warm as a kiss against her lips.

He shifted onto his side and was running his hand along her stomach towards the hem of her shirt when the insistent beeping of his alarm clock rang out from his bedside table. He groaned and rolled away from her to shut it off, before rolling towards her again and lying on his side beside her. He propped himself up on his elbow as he took in her face. She was still lying on her back, her hands resting across her stomach, her head tilted towards him as she gazed up into his eyes. "I guess we should get ready," she murmured.

"Guess so," he agreed. They didn't move right away, though. He let his gaze fall across her face, resting for a beat on the slight swell of her lips, before returning to her eyes.

"We're going to be late," she said. He knew she was right, but it was extremely hard to take her protests seriously when she was looking at him like that.

"Mmmm," he hummed in agreement as he leaned towards her. Her lips were curved up in a smile when he kissed her, pressing his lips to hers briefly.

"Seriously, Derek," she said, giggling against his lips.

"I'm serious too," Derek said, reaching up to run his fingers through her hair. She sighed softly, her laughter dying away as he rolled on top of her again.

"We're really going to be late," she whimpered beneath him as he pressed a kiss to her neck.

"Uh-huh," he mumbled distractedly.

She was just taking a deep breath, preparing for another round of half-hearted arguments when he shifted his lips to her mouth once again. She gasped slightly arching into him as he ran his tongue along her lower lip. She could feel reality and any thought of school or running late drifting away. Derek could make her forget everything except for him. During the day her mind was capable of going in twelve different directions, but as soon as he kissed her ran his fingers along the curve of her hip, her mind went blank. Except for him. It was better than meditation.

"Derek! You're going to be late for school!"

Derek groaned at the sound of his mother's voice. He pressed his face into the pillow beside Meredith's head. "I hate school," he announced, his voice muffled in the fabric.

Meredith laughed and ran her hands up his back and into the curls at the base of his neck. "Me too," she agreed with a sigh. He lifted his face away from the pillow and pressed a kiss to her lips.

"Guess we should get going," he murmured.

"We should," she agreed, letting her hands slide from his neck to the center of his chest.

He grinned down at her and began to lean towards her again, his lips inching closer and closer, but at the last second she pushed him away and rolled off the bed. He collapsed against the sheets with a slightly dazed expression. "You are far too distractible," she announced, walking around the bed and looking down at him where he lay on his back.

He looked up at her, his mouth slightly agape. "Why'd you do that?" he asked, his face falling into a frown.

"Because if I hadn't we never would've gotten to school," Meredith said, mirroring the frown.

He raised his eyebrows. "So?"

Her frown escalated into a scowl. She rolled her eyes at him and turned away from the bed, walking towards his dresser where she had stowed her school clothes the night before. She was just reaching for the handle to pull open one of the draws, when she felt Derek's arm slip around her waist and pull her towards him abruptly. She let out a little gasp as he pulled her against his body and pressed a kiss to her lips. "Derek…" she breathed. But that was as much of a protest as she was able to voice before he slipped his tongue into her mouth, running it across the roof of her mouth.

Her lips moved against his instinctively as he nibbled and sucked on her lips, his teeth raking against her lower lip. Her fingers found their way into his hair, a mess of curls, untamed by the careful application of hair products. She smiled. She loved him the most in the morning.

The kiss ended as quickly as it had begun. But even as their lips separated, she leaned into his body, pressing her forehead against his chest. "You," he said, his voice a whisper into her hair, "are far too distractible."

She laughed appreciatively and lifted her gaze to meet his. "So we're a little late," she said with a shrug.

xxx

They were more than a little late. First period was already well under way by the time Meredith and Derek sprinted into the main building. Derek ran into the main office with Meredith in tow and skidded to a halt in front of the desk. The secretary looked up at him with mild annoyance.

Meredith stepped forward. "Hi, I'm Meredith Grey, a new student," she explained breathlessly.

The secretary looked pointedly at her watch, before swiveling around in her chair and pulling open a file cabinet. She fished around in it for a while, before coming up with a sheet of paper, which she handed to Meredith. "This is your schedule," she said, sounding bored. "First period started five minutes ago so I'd hurry if I were you."

Meredith nodded and retreated from the office with a hasty thank you. Meredith offered her schedule to Derek. "Do you know where room 110 is?" she asked.

He rolled his eyes at her. "After three years here I'd hope so."

"Well that makes one of us," Meredith mumbled as Derek grabbed her hand and began to drag her down the hall.

They rounded a couple of corners before walking through a set of double doors that led into another hallway. "The English wing," Derek explained as he pulled Meredith down the row of classrooms.

He stopped abruptly at one. Meredith glanced at the number: 110. She turned back towards Derek who was smiling down at her. "Ready?" he asked.

"No," she said meekly.

"You'll be fine," he assured her. "I'll meet you here after first period and I'll walk you to your next class."

Her expression relaxed slightly at his words. "Okay." She smiled. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he murmured, leaning forward to press a quick kiss to her lips. He pulled away and began to back away from her. "I'll see you soon," he promised.

She nodded and turned back towards the classroom door. With a deep breath, she reached for the handle and pushed open the door. The room seemed to fall silent as she stood in the doorway, the heavy door clicking shut behind her. Meredith felt the color rising in her cheeks as thirty gazes became fixed on her face. She glanced at the floor instead of meeting their eyes.

At the sound of heels clicking against linoleum, however, she glanced up to find what looked to be the teacher walking towards her. "Meredith Grey?" she asked.

Meredith nodded. "Sorry I'm late."

"No worries," the teacher said with a slight smile. She was young, in her twenties maybe, with shoulder length brown hair. "I usually let it slide on the first day. Especially with new students."

"Oh," Meredith said awkwardly. "Thanks?" She hated that it came out sounding like a question.

"Well why don't you take a seat," the teacher continued. "I'm Ms. Hill, by the way."

Meredith nodded and moved towards a free seat in the back of the room. By now most of the other students had lost interest and had turned their attention back to their notebooks. One gaze, however, didn't waver. A girl sitting in the corner with long, wavy brown hair was staring at Meredith. Her expression seemed cold, almost hostile.

As Meredith sank into her seat and pulled out her books she glanced over at the girl, frowning slightly. Not because she was confused as to why she already seemed to have enemy (although that was strange), but because she could've sworn she had seen the girl before. But as Ms. Hill began talking about what they would cover in the upcoming semester, the girl sank to the back of Meredith's mind.

**I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I had a lot of fun writing this one. Especially the first part with Meredith and Derek waking up. I had originally planned for that to be just a quick intro, but they were just so adorable that I ended up making it like three pages long. Yeah, that was fun. Hehe.**

**Please review!! I love hearing from you guys!! **


	34. Keep Me Guessing

As soon as the bell rang for second period, Meredith found herself being swept out into the hallway by a swarm of bodies. She had no idea where she was going, but couldn't seem to go against the flow of students rushing in between classes. Suddenly she felt a firm hand grip her arm, pulling her out of the stream of bodies.

She sighed gratefully, looking up into Derek's familiar blue gaze. "You saved me," she breathed with mock sincerity.

"My pleasure," he said, grinning.

Meredith glanced down at her schedule. "Room 317?"

Derek nodded and reached down to take her hand. "Follow me."

She grinned as Derek began to lead her down the hallway. "What would I do without you?" she mused as they walked.

Derek smiled over at her. "Get lost."

Meredith giggled and leaned closer to him. He released her hand so that he could wrap his arm around her waist as they rounded another corner. Suddenly, Meredith caught sight of the girl that had been glaring at her in English class. Meredith studied her, feeling that same sense of déjà vu wash over her as she was once again filled with the sense that she had seen the girl somewhere before. Without even thinking, she pushed Derek off to the side of the hallway against the wall. He looked down at her, his expression a mix of concern and curiosity. "You okay?" he asked, frowning slightly.

"Do you like…have an ex-girlfriend or something?" Meredith asked.

Derek frowned. "What?"

"Or did you break some girl's heart?" Meredith continued trying to figure out any reason why this girl might hate her.

"Meredith, what are you talking about?" Derek asked, tilting his head to the side as he gazed down at her.

"I'm just trying to figure out how it's possible that I already have an enemy," Meredith explained, glancing over Derek's shoulder to where the girl was opening her locker.

"An enemy? You have an enemy?" Derek asked, furrowing his brow.

Meredith nodded and pointed behind over his shoulder. Derek turned and followed her gaze to the girl. Understanding suddenly dawned on his face and he spun back around towards Meredith. "Oh, God," he muttered. "What is she doing here?"

Now it was Meredith's turn to frown in confusion. "You know her?" Meredith asked as Derek chanced another peek at the girl.

"Yes," Derek said, his voice suddenly dropping to a whisper. "You do too."

"I do?"

"It's Rose," Derek hissed, moving closer to her as if trying to hide himself. Meredith shook her head, trying to place the name. "Juliet," Derek supplied watching as Meredith's frown turned into a look of surprise.

"The girl who was obsessed with you at camp?" Meredith asked, raising her eyebrows.

"That's the one," Derek said. "Is she gone?" he asked, shifting his eyes to the side meaningfully.

Meredith nodded and watched as Derek visibly relaxed. "So she hates me because she's jealous?"

"Yes," Derek said with a nod. He looked over his shoulder to make sure Rose really was gone and when he turned back towards Meredith he was met with a look of complete delight. "What?" he asked feeling his own lips part in a grin as Meredith beamed up at him.

"She's jealous," Meredith said. Derek nodded. "Of me." Derek nodded again, starting to catch on. "Because you're mine." She giggled at the thought.

Derek smiled and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her body against his. "I'm yours."

"Mmmm," Meredith hummed, leaning back against his hands as she gazed up at his face. "I like that."

"Yeah, well, I'm a catch," Derek said, smiling cockily.

"You're such an ass," Meredith said, shaking her head at him.

"Yes," Derek murmured, leaning towards her. "But I'm your ass." He leaned towards her, pressing a quick kiss to her lips.

"We're going to be late again," Meredith mumbled into his lips.

"So?" Derek said, pulling her closer.

"You're such a bad influence," Meredith said, shaking her head, but even as she said it, she felt herself leaning towards him again.

xxx

When the bell rang for lunch, Derek leapt up out of his seat and practically ran out the door towards the cafeteria. He had become so used to spending all day with Meredith that it was strange to only see her in five-minute bursts between classes, so the prospect of spending forty-five uninterrupted minutes with her sounded very good.

Derek pushed his way through the swarm of students moving towards the cafeteria. He had just rounded the corner and could see the cafeteria at the end of the hallway when someone reached out and grabbed him, yanking him out of the stream of people. He expected to be met with the green eyes of Meredith, but when he looked up he was met with the brown eyes of Rose.

"Rose," he said evenly, glancing towards the cafeteria in an attempt to see if Meredith had gotten there yet.

"Derek," Rose said, drawing the two syllables out in a purr.

Derek had to force himself not to roll his eyes. "I really have to go," he said, his tone clipped. He began to push past her, but she reached out and grabbed his wrist, pulling him back.

"Wait," she said. She loosened her grip on his wrist and trailed one perfectly manicured finger down across his hand. Derek pulled his arm away abruptly. Rose frowned, but persisted, leaning towards him, her lips curling into a smile. "I wanted to see if you wanted to have lunch with me."

Derek sighed and looked past Rose to the entrance of the cafeteria where Meredith was now waiting. "No thanks," he said. "I'm having lunch with my girlfriend."

With that, he moved past Rose and jogged the rest of the way down the hall to where Meredith was standing. She smiled as he approached, but her expression faded into one of mild confusion as Derek reached her and, without pausing, wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her against him. "Derek, what are you…?" The question died on her lips as Derek drew her close and pressed a kiss to her lips.

The kiss was quick and left Meredith smiling as they pulled apart, a look of amusement lighting up her face. "Happy to see me?" she teased.

"More than you know," Derek said with a sigh.

Just then, Rose brushed past them with a pointed glare at Meredith before disappearing into the cafeteria. "Oh," Meredith said a hint of amusement in her voice.

"You find this funny, don't you?" Derek said.

Meredith grinned. "Kind of."

Derek shook his head at her, his blue eyes twinkling. "You find my pain amusing?"

Meredith's grin grew. "Kind of."

"Cruel woman," Derek murmured, pressing another kiss to her lips.

Meredith giggled and pushed him away playfully. "Ready to eat?" she asked.

He nodded and reached down for her hand, leading her into the cafeteria.

xxx

"Can I have your pudding?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because," Derek explained, "_I _want my pudding."

Meredith scowled at him. "You're so mean to me," she huffed, plopping her elbow onto the table and resting her chin in her palm.

"Yes, I am mean, aren't I?" Derek mused, taking a bite of his sandwich. "I don't know how you'll ever survive."

Meredith was silent, watching as Derek chewed his bite of ham and cheese thoughtfully. "At that rate, you're not even going to have time to eat the pudding," Meredith said.

He shrugged. "Maybe I'll save it for later."

Meredith frowned at him, letting out a heavy sigh. "You're such an—"

"Shepherd!"

Derek glanced up at the person who had called his name and his face immediately broke out in a grin when he recognized the guy standing across the table. "Burke!" he exclaimed, reaching across the table to slap him on the shoulder. "It's good to see you man!"

"Yeah, you too," Burke replied, with a nod. His gaze drifted over to Meredith, who was still sitting down, eyeing Derek's pudding.

Derek followed Burke's gaze and his grin grew. "This is Meredith," he said. Meredith glanced up as he said her name, before turning her attention to Burke. "I'd like you to meet an old rival of mine, Preston Burke," Derek said.

Meredith stood and reached across the table to shake Burke's hand, smiling politely. "Rival?" she asked, straightening up and shifting closer to Derek who wrapped his arm around her waist.

"Soccer rival," Burke said, eyeing Derek with a slightly smug expression.

"Soccer?" Meredith said, her tone surprised.

"You didn't tell her?" Burke asked, raising his eyebrows at Derek who only shrugged. "Your man here happens to be the _second _best soccer player in Seattle."

"Second?" Derek asked, grinning. "I'm sorry, who was it who single handedly won the championship game last year?"

"That, my friend, was a lucky shot," Burke said, his tone only slightly condescending.

"Right, right," Derek murmured, nodding his head. "And the year before that?"

Burke shook his head, narrowing his eyes slightly. "Another lucky shot."

Derek laughed. "I seem to be a very lucky person," he observed, tilting his head towards Meredith and winking at her.

"You are indeed," Burke replied, before letting out a good-humored chuckle. "I'll see you at practice," he said, beginning to back away.

"Definitely," Derek said. "Oh and Burke?" Burke turned back towards Derek, his eyebrows raised expectantly. "Why don't you tuck a few four-leaf clovers in your pocket before practice. It always works for me."

Burke only grinned and walked away, shaking his head. Derek smiled and sat back down, turning back to Meredith. "So soccer, huh?" she asked, her tone amused.

"Yes," Derek replied. "Soccer."

"You never cease to amaze me," Meredith said, shaking her head.

"Yeah, well, I like to keep you guessing," Derek told her.

"Oh you do," Meredith murmured. "Definitely."

Derek smiled and leaned towards her, pressing his lips to hers briefly, before pulling away and reaching for his pudding. "Here," he said, handing it to her.

Meredith stared in shock at the offering. "Seriously?" she asked, taking the pudding.

"Seriously." He smiled as she pulling back the lid and took a bite.

She leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. "You always keep me guessing."

**God, they're practically nauseating in their cuteness. I almost made myself sick with that last chapter. Lol. **

**I know Rose really isn't that mean, but I can't help myself. Writing her as an evil, desperate, Derek-obsessed beyotch is my own twisted way of getting revenge on her for coming between MerDer on the show. Hehe. **

**I hope you guys liked the introduction of Burke. I really wanted to capture the good-natured rivalry that they had on the show, so I introduced the soccer idea as a way to make that happen. **

**Anyway, I hope you guys liked it! Please review!!!!**


	35. So Jealous

**So this was a super-fun chapter to write. I had a lot of fun playing POVs, so I hope you like it. I also just wanted to thank everyone who's been following this story and reviewing. I really appreciate the feedback/criticism/support. It keeps me going! :-)**

After the final bell, Derek came and found Meredith at her locker where she was putting her books away. "Hi," he greeted her smiling his slightly crooked smile.

"Hey," she returned, shutting her locker and turning to face him.

"So I have to go to soccer practice, but I could drive you home first," he offered.

"No," she said quickly, but then hesitated. "I mean, I'd like to stay…if you don't mind."

He smiled. "I don't mind."

"Okay then," she murmured with a slight nod of her head. She turned and began walking towards the exit and he quickly fell into step beside her.

"So you got a thing for men in uniforms or something?" he asked.

She giggled, tilting her head to the side to look at him. "No," she said. "I have a thing for you."

He grinned and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her close so he could press a kiss to the side of her head. "I have a thing for you too," he whispered, bent close to her ear.

xxx

Meredith sat on the bleachers watching Derek as he practiced. She wasn't a big sports enthusiast so basically all she knew about soccer was that it involved kicking a ball into a goal. But she didn't mind not knowing the specifics. She was happy just to watch Derek as he ran down the field, a boyish grin plastered on his face as he joked with his teammates.

Every once in a while he would glance over at her. And every time she met his eyes and smiled, something in his face would change and he would look at her like she was the most important thing in the world. She really didn't mind that either.

About a half hour into practice one of the players hurt his ankle and had to sit out. He limped over to the bleachers and sat down a few rows in front of Meredith, gingerly placing an icepack over his ankle. "Too rough for you?" Meredith asked.

The boy glanced over his shoulder at her. He had short, dirty blonde hair and a boyish face. "Weak ankle," he said, tilting his head towards the offending limb.

Meredith nodded. "Sorry," she said, with as much sympathy as she could muster.

"I appreciate the sentiment," he said, smiling wryly.

"No problem," she told him, tilting her head towards the sky and stretching her arms over her head.

"I'm Finn, if you were wondering," he said, grinning over at her, his eagerness obvious.

Meredith laughed. "I wasn't but thanks." He tried to make a show of looking offended and she shook her head at him. "I'm Meredith," she offered, "if you were wondering."

"I was," he said.

Meredith shook her head at him again and glanced back towards the field, locating Derek easily amidst his teammates. His gaze was already fixed on her, a questioning look on his face. He looked pointedly at Finn and then back at her. She rolled her eyes at his less-than-subtle show of jealousy, an amused smirk tugging at her lips.

"So Derek's your guy," Finn commented as he watched the interaction between him and Meredith.

"What?" Meredith asked, redirecting her attention back to Finn.

"Derek," Finn said, nodding towards where Derek was now jogging downfield. "He's the reason you're here."

"Oh," Meredith said, smiling in spite of herself. "Yeah, I guess he is."

"Too bad," Finn said wistfully, adjusting his icepack so that it rested lower on his ankle. "We would've been good together."

Meredith laughed at him. "Dream on," she said. She leaned towards him slightly and shifted her gaze to his ankle meaningfully. "I only date guys with strong ankles."

xxx

She was talking to Finn. She was talking to Finn and he felt jealous. He knew it was slightly ridiculous, but he couldn't deny that the burning feeling in the pit of his stomach was jealousy. The fact was, he didn't like Finn very much. He just…bothered him. For a couple of reasons.

For one, he wanted to be a vet. _A vet_. Who ever wanted to be a vet except when they were eight and visited a petting zoo for the first time? They weren't even real doctors.

For another, he was voted prom king last year even though he was only a junior. For some unknown reason, the most popular senior girl had decided to date him and he had become the darling of the senior class. And Derek hated anyone voted prom king. On principal. It was just not natural to get _that_ worked up over a plastic crown that was probably purchased at a dollar store.

He also ate pizza with a fork, which really bothered Derek for some inexplicable reason.

So okay, not a great list of bad qualities, but still. He was talking to Meredith. _Meredith. _And just talking wouldn't be that bad really, but the way he was leaning towards her with this sloppy grin plastered on his face bugged Derek. It bugged him because it looked more like flirting than talking.

But when he looked at Meredith's face he felt better. When Meredith looked at _him_, her beautiful green eyes were an intoxicating mixture of desire and love and something deeper that he couldn't quite put his finger on. But right now, as she looked at Finn, her eyes were filled with no more than mild amusement. As he watched, Meredith suddenly shifted her gaze to Derek and almost immediately her eyes changed, morphing into the familiar gaze he knew so well, the gaze he knew was now mirrored in his own eyes.

xxx

"I want to be a vet," Finn said. He was very chatty. This was one of the numerous things Meredith had learned about him in the last thirty minutes. He made good company, but the constant small talk was getting a little annoying.

"Really?" Meredith asked vaguely, her eyes following Derek as he ran downfield.

"Yeah, I mean I've always liked animals. Plus, my uncle's a vet so he lets me work at his clinic most summers."

"That's cool," Meredith commented. Just then, Derek ran past and winked at her, his lips parted in a grin. Meredith smiled back, wishing that practice would end already. She would never admit it to Derek, but he did look kind hot in his soccer uniform and now, because of him she was thinking things. Inappropriate things, most of which involved him taking off that uniform.

"Meredith? Meredith?"

She wasn't aware that her mind had started wandering until she heard Finn calling her name. She jerked her head towards him, feeling slightly guilty for tuning him out and pretty much forgetting that he existed. "Sorry, what?"

"Oh, nothing, I was just…" He shook his head slightly, tilting his head at her the same way Derek always did. Somehow, Derek made her melt every time he did it, but now she felt nothing. She had a feeling it wasn't so much the head tilt that made her go weak in the knees as the way his eyes crinkled up slightly at the corners when he did it.

"Meredith?"

Meredith blinked, forcing herself to refocus on Finn's face. "Sorry," she said quickly. "Again." She was really having trouble focusing on non-Derek things right now.

Finn laughed at her. He didn't seem at all offended by her lack of focus, more amused. "S'okay," he said. He tilted his head at her again in that slightly confused way and Meredith forced herself not to think about Derek. "Just…are you okay?" he asked. "You seem…out of it."

Meredith laughed at her nonexistent subtlety. "Just a little…" She trailed off as Derek ran past again. She swallowed, trying not to notice the way his shirt clung to his chest or the way his bangs fell forward across his eyes. She swallowed again. "Distracted. Just a little distracted."

"Just a little?" asked Finn.

Meredith shook her head and looked at him, trying to remember what he had just said. "What?"

"Exactly," Finn said, but Meredith didn't hear. She felt her gaze being pulled back to where Derek was dribbling the ball downfield. She smiled as she watched him kick the ball, sending it sailing in a perfect arc towards the goal. The goalie leapt but missed and the ball flew into the top left corner. Derek let out a victorious whoop, jumping in the air like a twelve-year-old.

xxx

As soon as practice ended, Derek started to jog over to where Meredith was sitting on the bleachers. When Meredith spotted him making his way over to her, she said a hasty goodbye to Finn and hopped off the bleachers. Derek felt the burning in his stomach flare slightly as he watched Finn grin that sloppy grin again. He realized he was being totally irrational, but he couldn't help it.

He didn't really know what got into him, but as soon he reached Meredith, he grabbed her hand and led her away from the field and his teammates to the side of the bleachers. He came to an abrupt halt and turned towards Meredith. As looked into his face, taking in his indigo eyes and dark expression, which could only be described as smoldering, her gaze went from one of confusion to desire.

She shifted her gaze to his lips as he pushed her backwards until her back met one of the wooden beams that supported the bleachers. She moaned softly as he pressed his body against her, pinning her between him and the beam. "Derek, what are you…" she breathed, her breath coming in gasps.

He responded by pressing his lips hard against her slightly parted ones. She didn't ask any more questions after that, only slid her hands up his chest and into his hair, tangling her fingers in the dark curls. A sound close to a growl hummed in the back of his throat as he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her body ever closer to his. He shifted her shirt upwards and slipped his fingers underneath, running them over her bare skin.

She moaned softly as he slipped his tongue into her mouth, running it across the roof of her mouth, before pulling back and sucking on her lower lip. He pressed one more kiss to her lips before trailing kisses along her cheek and jaw line. She tilted her head back as he shifted his mouth to her neck, trailing his lips down to the edge of her shirt. "Derek…" she breathed. She wanted to feel his bare skin against hers, but the small part of her brain that hadn't been wiped clean when Derek had kissed her was still vaguely aware of the fact that they were in public.

As his lips found her mouth again though, she temporarily lost sight of that fact and slipped her hands into the wide neck of his uniform, running them across his shoulders and back. "We can't," he breathed into her lips as if reading her mind. "Not here."

She groaned softly but nodded, drawing her lips away from his. She tilted her head towards the ground, her hands resting palm out against his chest. He smiled and pressed a kiss to her forehead before beginning to take a step back, but she gripped his shoulders, stopping him. "Just…wait a minute," she said almost sheepishly. She tilted her head back up to meet his gaze. "I feel a little…wobbly."

He grinned down at her, but moved closer again, wrapping his arms around her waist and holding her against him securely. "A little weak in the knees, huh?" he asked, his expression one of pure cockiness.

She rolled her eyes at him. "Shut up." His grin only grew. "You know what? I feel fine now. Let's go." She pushed him away and he took a step back. She shot him a glare as she walked past. He followed shortly after, catching up to her and reaching down to take her hand.

"Just tell me if you feel light-headed at all," he said seriously.

She pulled her hand out of his and smacked his arm lightly. "Shut up," she grumbled again.

He smiled and reached out taking her hand again and pulling her towards him. She resisted as he drew her close but only halfheartedly and soon she was caught against his chest, his face only inches away. He looked into her eyes, his expression suddenly earnest. "You make me wobbly too," he told her softly.

Her look of annoyance melted into amusement at his words. "Thank you," she murmured, before leaning forward and pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

**So Derek is jealous of Finn and let's face it. Jealous Derek = Hot Derek. Lol. But I didn't introduce Finn just for the sake of making Derek jealous. He does have a purpose; a very important purpose and he will be showing up again.**

**Anywho, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and please review! **


	36. After Midnight

Meredith was sitting on Derek's bed flipping through her chemistry textbook when he walked in, fresh from the shower, wearing nothing but a pair of boxers. She didn't notice him at first, so he simply paused in the doorway and leaned against the doorframe, content just to watch her. She was sitting cross-legged on the edge of the bed, her head bent downward towards the book in her lap, her hair falling forward in a golden curtain that framed her face.

After a while, she glanced up and caught sight of him. She smiled slightly, letting out a long breath as her gaze fell across his bare chest, before moving back up to his face. He pushed off from the doorframe and walked across the floor, coming to stand in front of her. Reaching out, he brushed the hair away from her face, running his fingers across her cheek.

Placing her hands on his hips and tugging him towards her, she tilted her head towards him. With a small smile, he leaned down and pressed his lips against hers. She made a soft humming sound in the back of her throat as he ran his tongue along her lips, tracing the familiar outline of them. As he continued to kiss her, she pushed the textbook out of her lap and it tumbled forgotten to the floor. She then slid her hands up his chest and into the still-damp curls at the base of his neck, pulling his lips towards hers.

With a low groan, he began to push her back against the bed. She fell back against the sheets, uncrossing her legs as he lowered himself on top of her. As his mouth found hers again, his tongue teasing her lips open, she ran her hands across the broad expanse of his back and down the length of his arms. "Derek…" she breathed, suddenly very aware of the fact that she was still fully clothed. "Too many clothes."

He pulled back slightly to look into her face. "Mmm," he murmured, his lips parting in a devilish grin. "I agree."

He reached for the hem of her shirt, pulling it up and over her head. After tossing it to the floor, he reached behind her and unhooked her bra strap. The straps immediately loosened, sliding partway down her shoulders and he reached out, pulling them the rest of the way down her arms. His gaze ran across her body hungrily, his eyes brimming with love and veneration.

She stared up into his face as he took in the sight of her, her fingers playing idly with the curls at the base of his neck. But after a while, she began to grow impatient and shifted beneath him. "Derek," she breathed. The sound was low and filled with want and it seemed to snap Derek out of his trance.

With a small smile he leaned towards her again, brushing his lips against hers, before trailing kisses across her jaw line and down her neck. Her eyelids fluttered shut as her body hummed to life, trembling slightly as he ran his lips across her collarbone and then back up to her neck to her mouth. He pressed a soft kiss to her lips, before pulling back slightly to look into her face. "Do you want to…" he murmured, his voice trailing away as he looked into her face, trying to read the dozens of emotions flickering in her eyes.

"I don't know," she told him honestly. It would be the first time they had sex since her pregnancy scare. It wasn't that she didn't want to—she _really _wanted to—but she would be lying if she said she hadn't been shaken by the possibility of having to face all those decisions. "I don't…" She shook her head slightly and leaned forward to press her lips against his gently. "I don't know."

He nodded slightly and as she searched his face, she was met with nothing but understanding; there was no trace of resentment lurking in his eyes. He rolled off of her so that he was lying beside her and drew her into his arms. With a small sigh, she pressed her face into his chest. "I'm sorry," she murmured.

"Meredith," he said his voice almost scolding. "Don't be sorry. Don't ever be sorry."

"But—" she began only to be cut off almost immediately.

"No, don't be sorry. You have every right to be freaked out. It's your body and even though I would have been there every step of the way, it would've been you who had to get the abortion, not me." He was quiet for a minute as he reached up to brush the hair away from her eyes. "Just…don't be sorry."

She smiled slightly, lifting her gaze to meet his hesitantly. "Okay," she said.

He nodded. "Okay," he murmured, his voice low as his fingers trailed across her cheek.

As his gaze shifted to her lips, she shifted closer to him until their bodies were pressed together once again. He slowly drew her face closer to his and pressed a feather-light kiss to her parted lips. With a soft moan, she moved closer and pressed her lips hard against his. He groaned softly and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her hips towards his.

She let out a breath as he shifted his mouth to her neck. "I think…" she murmured.

"You think," he breathed, his breath warm against her skin.

"I think," she said again, trying to focus on her point—because she did have one—as he nibbled gently on her earlobe. "I think I want to."

"You think you want to," he repeated, not really following her train of thought.

"I think," she said, this time with a little more force, "I want to."

Finally, he got the picture and lifted his head to look in her face. "You want to?" he asked.

She nodded. "I do," she said.

He smiled and pressed his lips to hers. "Okay," he mumbled into her lips as he reached for the snap on her jeans.

"Okay," she echoed, her voice barely above a whisper as he wrapped her up in his arms and pulled her close, making her forget everything. Everything except the pressure of his body against hers and the feeling of his hands as they trailed a path along the curve of her thigh and that he loved her. Even as they finally joined as one, he made sure she didn't forget that. He whispered it over and over in ear, his voice rising and falling like a lullaby until they collapsed in each other's arms and she pressed her face into his chest, letting her eyelids flutter shut into sleep.

xxx

In the middle of the night, Meredith was awoken by the very distinct sound of a rock hitting Derek's window. She knew the sound well. It was how her non-friends back in Boston used to wake her up when they went down to the docks to drink tequila and smoke in the middle of the night. She had trained herself to wake up to the sound almost immediately, which is probably why she woke up before Derek.

As Derek slept on peacefully, completely oblivious to the midnight caller, Meredith slipped out from under his arm and walked over to his window just as another pebble hit the glass. Frowning slightly, she pushed open the window and stuck her head out.

"Derek?" a distinctly masculine voice called from below.

"No…" Meredith said, struggling to bring the person into focus.

"Meredith?" the person called, his voice surprised.

Meredith took a step back from the window, her frown deepening. She glanced at Derek and considered waking him, but he looked so peaceful that she decided against it. His hair was rumpled with sleep and his arm stretched out towards the place where she usually lay as if he meant to hold her. With a sigh, Meredith stepped back to the window. "Who is that?" she called down.

"It's Mark," the person called.

"Mark?" Meredith repeated. "Aren't you in New York?"

"Well obviously not, because I'm standing underneath your window," he called. There was a pause and Meredith heard him sigh. "Can I come up? I feel like I'm in a freakin' scene from Romeo and Juliet."

Meredith laughed softly and nodded before realizing the movement was probably lost on him. "Yeah, sure," she said. "I'll let you in."

She shut the window and turned away from it, tiptoeing across the floor, out the door and down the stairs. When she opened the front door, Mark was already standing there. He looked awful, like he hadn't slept in days. The normally neat scruff that ran along his jaw line was rough and unkempt. The lines on his face seemed deeper than she remembered and there were dark circles underneath his eyes. He looked as if he had been beaten up. He seemed bruised, but not in the physical sense. Even his eyes looked faded. "Hi," she said, her voice soft.

"Hey," he murmured and his voice was weary. "Is, uh, is Derek here?"

"Yeah," she said with a nod. "I'll, um…I'll bring him down."

"Thanks," Mark said, already moving into the living room and sinking onto the couch.

Meredith made her way back up the stairs and into Derek's room. He was lying just as she had left him, sleeping peacefully, so she got onto the bed and crawled across the covers towards him. "Derek," she murmured, running her hand along his arm. "Derek, wake up."

He began to stir under her touch and opened his eyes, immediately focusing on her face. "Hey," he mumbled, his voice hoarse with sleep. "What's up? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, it's just…"

"What? What is it, Mer?" he pressed, suddenly alert.

"Mark's here," she said.

He was quiet for a while and his gaze drifted away from her face to focus on something far off. "Is he…is he okay?"

Meredith shook her head. "No, I don't think he is."

Derek nodded. "I guess I should…I guess I should go talk to him," he mumbled, looking slightly shell-shocked.

"Yeah," she agreed with a nod. He rolled off the bed and began to move towards the door, but her voice stopped him. "Hey, Derek, are you…are you okay?"

He turned back towards her and something in his face made her stand up from the bed and walk over to him. "I just remembering something," he explained. "The last time Mark showed up at my front door in the middle of the night was the day my dad died. He flew all the way out here to make sure I was okay."

Meredith nodded, but didn't say anything. Instead, she reached out and took his hand, intertwining her fingers with his. "I think _he _is the one who needs _you _tonight," she told him. "You can return the favor."

Derek nodded, the corners of his mouth twitching up in the ghost of a smile. "Right. Return the favor."

Meredith smiled sadly and pulled him closer so that she could reach up and press a kiss to his lips. "I'm so sorry, Derek," she murmured and he knew what she meant.

"I'll be right back," he told her. "You should get some sleep."

She nodded and watched as he walked out of the room before turning back towards the bed.

**So Mark's back. I felt obligated to wrap up the Addison/Mark story. I didn't want to leave you guys hanging, so that's gonna be next chapter. **

**I hope ya'll enjoyed! Please review!!!!**

**P.S. How many people were super proud of Meredith last Thursday? If Derek had said those things to her a couple seasons ago, she would've run in the other direction. But now…she's staying! Yay for the****rapy!**


	37. Apologize

Derek walked into the living room, wordlessly sat down in an armchair across from the couch and took in the broken face of his best friend. "Hey," he said, trying not to wince at the way the sound shattered the silence.

Mark lifted his eyes to meet Derek's. "Hey," he mumbled. They were silent for a long time. Derek knew better than to ask any questions. So he simply waited for the inevitable declaration, the one sentence that would explain why Mark looked so goddamned broken-hearted. And then it came. "She was pregnant."

Derek gave a slow, deliberate nod of his head. He clasped and unclasped his hands in front of him. "I know."

For the first time in the whole fifteen minutes they had been sitting there, life seemed to flicker across Mark's face. Anger flashed in his eyes. "You knew?" he spat.

Derek nodded again. "She came to me and told me and asked me not to tell you."

Mark shook his head fiercely at this whole new world of hurt that had been thrust at him. He ran a hand through his already disheveled hair. "Why?"

Derek furrowed his brow. "Why what?"

"Why did she tell you?" Mark said, his voice rising.

"They wouldn't let her go alone. Someone had to drive her home afterwards…"

"Who is _they_?" Mark asked.

Derek's face was solemn. "The clinic."

"Right. The clinic. The _abortion_ clinic where she aborted my baby without even telling me." Derek blinked, recoiling from the raw bitterness that tinged Mark's words.

"Mark, you have to understand—"

"No!" Mark burst out, suddenly leaping to his feet. "No! I don't have to understand anything. You don't have to explain _anything_ to me. I don't need _anything _from you." He towered over Derek, pointing one accusing finger towards him. "I have been _fine _on my own. I was _fine_." His voice was fervent almost desperate as if he was trying to convince himself of the truth to his words. "I don't…I don't need you. I don't need her. I don't need…"

His voice faded away into silence and then, suddenly, he was crying. The anger faded from his eyes as quickly as it had appeared and he was crying, tears pouring down his cheeks. He stumbled backwards and fell onto the couch, curling forward and into himself. "I don't need her," he choked out, addressing the ground more than Derek.

Derek bowed his head forward, letting it fall into his hands. "I'm so sorry," he said and his voice cracked as he tried to hold back his own tears. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Mark…"

His voice trailed away into silence and the only sound in the room was the echo of Mark's muffled sobs. Derek lost track of the time that passed. It seemed to slow as he sat there. The five feet that lay between him and this person who had known him his whole life seemed to stretch until the distance was unfathomable. He wanted to reach across this canyon that had opened up between him, but he felt helpless, so he just sat there and waited.

"I'm glad you were with her."

Derek lifted his head out of his hands and looked across the room to where Mark was still sitting, his head bowed towards his feet. "You are?" Derek asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Mark looked up and brushed the tears off his cheeks roughly. "I am." He nodded his head. "I'm glad she…had someone," he said, his voice all honesty and broken trust. "I'm glad she wasn't alone."

Derek nodded and looked at his friend, the corners of his mouth tugging downwards. "She wanted you there with her. Not me."

"What?" stammered Mark, shaking his head. "No. No, sh-she didn't want me, she didn't trust me—"

"She _loved _you," Derek said, cutting off Mark's fading mantra. "She just didn't want to break your heart and she knew that it would break your heart."

"Is that what she told you? That she didn't want to break my heart?" His voice was tired and strained, barely above a whisper. He let out a long defeated sigh and tilted his head back towards the ground. "She broke it when she left, you know? I think…" He trailed off and swallowed, forcing back the tears rising in his throat. "I think that hurt me more than anything else ever could."

Derek nodded and leaned back in his chair, letting his head lull backwards. As he absentmindedly fixed his gaze on one of the cracks in the ceiling, his thoughts drifted towards Meredith and the ghost of a smile flitted across his face. "I know what you mean," he murmured.

Mark smiled knowingly. "Meredith?"

Derek smiled at the ceiling. "Yeah. If I ever lost her…God, I don't know what I'd do."

Mark leaned forward, resting his elbows against his knees and pressing his hands together before him as if he were praying. "Was she…was she…okay?"

Derek shifted his gaze away from the ceiling and fixed it on Mark's imploring face. "I don't know," he answered honestly. "Addie's strong, but…" He closed his eyes and forced himself to fall into the memories of that day. "She didn't talk every much. I drove her to the clinic and walked inside with her. I offered to go back with her, but she said she wanted to do it alone. It didn't take very long. It was…it was shorter than I thought and when she came out…I'll never forget the look on her face. It was like she was looking for someone and it wasn't me." Derek shrugged helplessly and waited for Mark to say something.

"I wish I was there."

"I know you do."

"She did the right thing, didn't she?"

Derek paused at the question. He hadn't been expecting it, but it was what everything came down to, wasn't it? He gave one hesitant nod of his head and thought of Meredith. "Yeah, I think she did."

Mark nodded. "Of course she did," he muttered. He scoffed and the sound was bitter, self-loathing. "I'm a fucking asshole." He looked at Derek as if seeking confirmation, but he simply waited, regarding Mark intently. "I yelled at her. I actually yelled at her, Derek. I was mad at her, but for what? For destroying a baby that would've destroyed her life?" He shook his head and dragged a hand across his face. "I'm an asshole," he whispered.

Derek frowned sadly, knowing what Mark was going through far too well. "So tell her that. Tell her you're sorry."

Mark nodded and opened his mouth to say something when a knock on the front door cut him off. Derek frowned, but stood up and walked into the foyer. He shook his head disbelievingly when he saw who it was that was standing on his front porch. "Hey, Addie," he said as he opened the door.

Addison smiled tiredly at Derek. She looked almost as bad as Mark did. "Is he here?" she asked.

Derek nodded and moved to the side so that she could walk inside. When Mark heard her voice he stood up and walked into the foyer. "Hi," he said.

"Hi," she whispered and the sound broke in the middle. "Do you want to go for a walk?" she asked.

Mark nodded. "Okay."

As they walked outside together, Derek moved back into the living room and collapsed on the sofa, feeling the extent of his exhaustion. He stretched out against the cushions and closed his eyes as the sound of Mark and Addison's voices faded and he was left in silence.

xxx

Sometime before dawn, Meredith woke up. She turned on her side and frowned when she saw that Derek still hadn't returned. Rubbing her eyes tiredly, she stood up from the bed and made her way downstairs. She paused outside the living room, but when she didn't hear any voices, she tiptoed around the corner and came to a stop on the doorway. A smile flitter across her face when her gaze fell upon the sleeping form of Derek, sprawled out on the couch.

She walked further into the room and kneeled beside the couch. With a small smile, she reached out and pressed a hand into the center of his chest, shaking him gently. His eyelids lifted slowly and he smiled as her face came into focus. "Hey," he said.

"Hey," she murmured.

He smiled sleepily at her and then opened his arms in invitation. "Come here," he mumbled, his voice low and scratchy with sleep. He shifted over on the couch and she lay down alongside him, curling into his side and pressing her face into his chest.

"Where's Mark?" she asked as he ran his hand along her back.

"He's walking," Derek explained. "With Addison."

"Addison's here?" asked Meredith. At this point, she wasn't at all surprised.

"Yup," Derek replied.

"Hmmm," hummed Meredith, trying hard to sound like a concerned and interested girlfriend, but failing miserably.

Derek chuckled softly and pressed a kiss to her hair. "Go to sleep."

"If you insist," Meredith told him, before closing her eyes and letting herself drift off with Derek's arms wrapped securely around her.

xxx

Addison was tired. She had just spent six hours on a plane and the guy sitting next to her had been snoring so loudly she hadn't been able to get any sleep. Plus the crackers the steward had served her were stale and they had run out of peanuts. So she was tired and hungry and did not want to talk about what possibly ranked as the shittiest day of her life.

Mark was walking next to her looking just as tired as she felt. She was mad at him, she remembered, but it was really hard to feel the same anger she had felt at 10 o'clock that morning when he had stormed out of her room, because she was tired and hungry, but also because he looked awful and broken and not at all like the unforgiving ass that had hopped on a plane to Seattle instead of talking to her.

So instead of feeling angry, she just felt kind of sad and weary. Like Eeyore in _Winnie the Pooh_. Addison had read all the Winnie the Pooh books in fourth grade. She had chosen Tigger as her favorite, attracted to his unfailing optimism and all-around bouncy outlook on life. At the time she had had no reason to look at the world in any other way. For Eeyore, on the other hand, she had felt nothing but mild resentment for always being so gloomy and ruining all the fun. These days, though, she kind of understood where he was coming from.

They still hadn't said anything, she realized, and they had been walking for at least ten minutes. She opened her mouth to say something (decidedly adult and mature, she hoped), but she suddenly felt something warm brush against her hand and she closed her mouth again. When she realized it was his fingers she thought he had bumped into her by accident, but then she felt his fingers wrap around her fingers in a very non-accidental way. The corners of her mouth twitched upwards and she turned her head to chance a glance at his face.

"I'm sorry," he said without turning towards her. "I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"Thank you," she said, wishing it sounded more profound than it did.

He came to a sudden halt and she stopped a few feet ahead of him. Their clasped hands formed a bridge across the space between them. "I can't imagine what it was like for you," he said. His expression was so heartbreakingly earnest that she wanted to wrap her arms around him and tell him it would be okay.

"I was okay," she murmured, but her voice shook and he knew she was lying.

"I wish I had been there," he told her.

"I had Derek," she said.

He shook his head and tugged her closer, his grasp on her hand strong. "I know," he said. "But it should have been me picking up the pieces. Not Derek."

She nodded and moved closer to him. She couldn't remember why she had been so angry. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you," she whispered.

"I understand why you didn't," he told her. He drew her closer and wrapped his arms around her waist and she knew he was more mad at himself than her.

He leaned down and kissed her firmly and she felt her heart lift a little. "Next time we have a fight," she said, "instead of hopping on the next flight to Seattle, talk to me." She smiled up at him. "It should be me picking up the pieces. Not Derek."

Mark grinned down at her and she lifted her hand to smooth his rumpled hair. He kissed her again and she started to giggle when his stubble tickled her lips. "You need to shave," she said.

He nodded. "You need to brush your teeth. You taste like stale crackers."

She giggled again and he remembered how much he loved the sound. "Always the charmer."

He grinned again. "You know I try."

**So that's that. The mystery is revealed. And if you were wondering, Addie and Mark are gonna stick around for at least one more chapter. Maybe two.**

**So I heard tell that Derek is going to propose in the March 26 episode, "Elevator Love Letter". If the episode title isn't glaring proof enough, my money's on him popping the question in an elevator. How perfect would that be? Some of the best MerDer moments have been in elevators. **

**Please review!!**


	38. Changes

**So I'm back. Sorry I haven't updated for a really long time. Blame school. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter! I made sure to add some MerDer cuteness to make up for my lack of updates…**

Derek watched as Meredith drifted off to sleep, her hand tucked up under her cheek. He listened until her breathing evened out, before rolling off the couch and scooping her up into his arms. She managed to turn her face into his chest without really waking up and he smiled down at her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head as he made his way back upstairs and into his bedroom. He lay her down on the sheets and climbed in behind her, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her back against his chest. She settled in his arms almost immediately and fell back into a deep sleep, her breathing low and even.

xxx

When Mrs. Shepherd walked downstairs and found Mark and Addison asleep on her couch, she felt as if the clock had been turned back ten years. She couldn't count the number of times she had woken up to find that Derek, Addison and Mark had fallen asleep in the living room while watching TV. She couldn't count the number of times they had shuffled into the kitchen, their eyes filled with sleep and sat down at the table as she made breakfast.

They had been best friends, all three of them. She loved Addison and Mark in the same way she loved the rest of her children. She remembered their triumphs and their failures the same way she remembered those of her own children. She remembered the day that Mark and Derek taught Addison how to ride a bike. She remembered the day that Addison and Derek set up an elaborate treasure hunt throughout the expanse of their Manhattan brownstone, which she then had to complete dutifully. She remembered the day that Mark and Derek decided that they were going to be astronauts and be the first humans to step on Mars. She remembered the day they left the city and how all three friends had stood on the sidewalk hugging each other for fifteen minutes straight

She stood in the doorway of the living room for a long time, a smile playing on her lips as she looked at the grownup faces of these two people she had practically raised. Then she went into the kitchen, turned on the coffee maker, and began making breakfast.

xxx

Addison woke up to the smell of bacon and smiled, feeling a faint nostalgia for her childhood swell in her chest. She couldn't remember all the times she had woken up to the sounds of Mrs. Shepherd cooking breakfast. But lying there with Mark's arm wrapped around her, she felt the same safety that she felt when she was eight, knowing someone was taking care of her.

Addison felt Mark's grasp around her tighten and knew that he was waking up. She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his jaw. "Morning," she whispered as he opened his eyes and looked down at her.

"Morning," he returned with a smile.

xxx

"Derek."

Derek opened his eyes and looked up at Meredith. She was hovering over him, looking far too alert for this early in the morning. "Hmmm," he mumbles, the sound rumbling in his chest. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her back down onto the bed.

"Derek," she said again.

He didn't even respond this time, just slung his arm around her hips and tugged her body forward until it was pressed against his. "Derek," she sighed and the sound was torn between annoyance and desire.

He smiled and pressed a kiss to her jaw. Her cheek. Her chin. She sighed again and this time there was no hint of annoyance. She ran her hands across his bare chest. "Hmmm," she murmured in approval. "I like when you sleep with no shirt."

"Do you?" asked Derek and the question was muffled against her neck.

"Less work," she explained and he chuckled.

She shifted closer to him and he lifted his lips away from her neck and pressed them to her lips. She parted her lips and kissed him back, but after a while, she drew away again. "I need clothes," she told him.

"I beg to differ," he said, slipping his hand under her shirt as if to prove his point.

"No," she said. "School clothes."

"Oh," he said. "Okay."

"That's why I woke you up," she said as he trailed his lips up her neck.

"I thought you woke me up for this," he murmured, his mouth hovering just over hers.

"Well…no, I…" She trailed off as he kissed her again. "Need to go get…" Her sentence faded into a soft moan as his fingers grazed across her nipple through her thin shirt. "Clothes," she finished, moaning helplessly as his hands worked their magic.

"Okay," he said again as he pulled her shirt up and over her head.

"Derek…" she began, but quickly gave up as he began to move his hips against hers. She closed her eyes, running her hands across his chest and up into the dark curls at the base of his neck. "I guess we could wait a little bit," she said.

Derek nodded wordlessly and kissed her, before gently pushing her back against the bed and rolling on top of her.

"Derek? Honey?"

Derek sighed and rolled away from Meredith with a muffled groan. "Yeah, mom?" he called back.

"Are you and Meredith coming down for breakfast?" Mrs. Shepherd asked through the door.

"Um, yeah," Derek said. "We'll be right down."

He sighed and turned back to Meredith who was already reaching for her shirt. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"Putting my shirt on," Meredith said with a smile.

"Why?"

"Because I have to eat breakfast and get clothes," she explained.

"But we have time," he said.

"Nope," she said defiantly. "I'm not going to let you distract me again."

He chuckled at her stubbornness. "But it's so much fun," he said, grinning at her.

She rolled her eyes and stood up from the bed before he could do anything too persuasive like kissing her or touching her or…looking at her. She giggled at herself as she pulled on a pair of Derek's boxers, rolling them until they fit around her waist.

"What are you laughing at?' Derek asked, smiling at her from where he still sat on the bed.

She shook her head and smiled back. "You," she said. "Me." He raised his eyebrows questioningly and she walked back over to the bed. She leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. "I think I'm becoming insatiable."

"Hmmm," Derek said as she pulled away again. "Good to know," he commented casually, leaning back against the headboard with a cocky grin.

She rolled her eyes again. "Don't flatter yourself."

xxx

When Mark and Addison finally got up and made their way into the kitchen, Mrs. Shepherd turned away from the stove and looked at them from across the room. Then, in a sudden flurry of movement, she was next to them, pulling them into her arms. "I missed you two," was all she said as she held on tightly.

After a moment, she pulled back, smiled and said, "I made breakfast."

"Good 'cause I'm starving," Mark said, walking over to the table and sitting down.

Mrs. Shepherd smiled and shook her head at him and just like that, they fell into their old rhythm. Mrs. Shepherd poured them both a glass of orange juice, Addison complimented the food after her first bite and Mark grunted in approval as he ate seven pieces of bacon in a row.

xxx

Derek was waiting for Meredith on the porch when she came back from getting clothes at her house. She walked over to where he was sitting in an old rocking chair and smiled down at him. "Took you long enough," he commented, tilting his head up to look at her.

She rolled her eyes. "Shut up," she told him.

He laughed and wrapped his arms around her waist, tugging her towards him. She dropped her bag to the ground and let herself be pulled onto his lap. "What are you doing out here?" she asked him.

"I'm waiting for you," he said.

"I thought you'd be inside reminiscing with Mark and Addison about the good ol' days," she explained.

"I'm letting my mom have her moment with them," said Derek.

Meredith scrunched up her nose. "That sounds weird."

Derek chuckled at her. "You know what I mean."

"No, I actually don't," she said, furrowing her brow slightly.

Derek shook his head slightly, rubbing her back absentmindedly. "My mom kind of raised Mark and Addison. Their parents were…absent," he said, knowing that she of all people would understand.

She nodded knowingly and bowed her head, dropping his gaze. She suddenly wished that she had met Derek much sooner. "They were lucky that they had your family," she said quietly.

"Meredith." Derek's voice was low and comforting, willing her to meet his gaze. "Meredith," he said again. She lifted her head reluctantly and he pulled her closer. "If I could turn back time, you know I would. I hate that you had the childhood you did, but it turned you into the person that I love."

"Dark and twisty?" Meredith offered, watching as Derek's frown deepened.

"No," he said, his voice an almost instant contradiction. "Strong and independent and beautiful."

She smiled a small smile. "If you say so."

"I do," he said.

Her smile widened and she leaned towards him ever so slightly until her mouth hovered just above his. "You're not so bad yourself," she mumbled. She felt his smile against her lips as she kissed him softly, winding her arms around his neck.

When she pulled back, his eyes were darker, filled with a longing she knew all too well. He began to lean towards her again, but she pressed her hands against his chest, holding him at bay. "`We need to go to school," she said.

He frowned and managed to tear his eyes away from her lips long enough to scowl at her. "Cruel woman," he mumbled as she stood up and pulled him to his feet.

"You'll get over it," she said breezily as she walked inside, flashing him her most winning smile over her shoulder.

**Heehee. I love them. **

**Next chapter will have Meredith and Derek back at school. It will also feature some Mark/Addie scenes as well as (hopefully) some Addie/Mer scenes. Gasp! Intrigue!**


End file.
